Feel really hurt and used

[roses321]

I don't think this is anything new to be honest but I just wanted to vent on here.

I've been single for just over a year, I haven't slept with anyone or bothered with trying to pursue a relationship, but I met this one guy recently and he seemed great. He said all the right things, seemed to really have a good set of values and was extremely respectful.

Long story short, I ended up going home with him on Saturday night and we slept together. I left on Sunday morning and he did text me, but barely, and it was nothing to do with the weekend we spent together or anything else. It was about things in the news or TV shows he was watching.
By Sunday night I kind of felt like shit, and I felt quite used even though there was no reason to feel that way - I'm a grown adult, I made a choice, and I went into it fully aware that he might tell me he didn't want to see me again. I would have been disappointed, but I could have handled it.

What I didn't foresee at all, was him just NOT addressing it, not saying anything, not giving me any indication of whether he wanted to see me again, or even acknowledging that it had happened.

I decided that I didn't have anything to lose, so I laid my cards on the table and told him I had a lovely time with him, thought he was a great guy, and I had fun etc.

The response I got made me really mad. Literally not even an acknowledgement of anything I just said, just "oh I had a hangover yesterday and felt shit" (we went out drinking) and then a "anyway got to go to work, chat later".

I told him that frankly chatting later wasn't necessary. He then followed up saying he found my earring on his bedroom floor and I said don't worry just bin it. He sent me a laughing emoji and just an "ok".

Excuse me but WTF. Is it too much to expect someone to behave like an actual adult and not just run away from acknowledging that yes, we slept together and just be honest and upfront if you don't want more? I'm really fuming. I feel so angry about it and utterly suprised since this is NOT what I expected him to behave like, it is completely out of character with how he presented himself, completely childish and I have just decided to not utter one more word to him, as much as I want to verbally bite his head off, I know that it'll do me no good whatsoever so I won't bother.

Seriously though WHAT THE HECK? You dont' have to want a relationship with someone to behave like a respectful human being ffs.

Actually, I have just read some more of your posts and seen how rude you are to anyone who doesn't entirely agree with everything you say, even though they are being utterly polite and kind to you.

He probably picked up on that and decided not to see you again. It's not a very appealing energy, it that's what you convey all the time.

I'm afraid it's have casual sex, expect a casual response. (I've been there). His casual response was a response nevertheless - he didn't need to say more. I agree with @DoingJustFine don't do casual if you can't hack it.

I've only read the OP and I'm think he'll be thinking WTF, not you.

He messaged, said he had to work so you'd chat later and you said frankly chatting later not necessary. That is you giving him the brush off!

Well that's a low blow.

It's not about agree with me or piss off, it's that I haven't asked for a debate on whether he's out of order. I think he is. It's a situation I am in. I came here to vent, other people have decided to make it about THEIR opinion and tell me I'm being unreasonable or this or that and I don't accept that thank you very much, I don't agree with it. That isn't what I think.

I absolutely stand by my views with regards to what is and isn't acceptable after sleeping with someone, and if people want to try and shake that and make me feel like i'm being somehow unhinged about it then get upset when I push back on unsolicited advice that's not my problem.

I understand on internet forums you vent and people naturally express their views, and that is totally fine, but I won't be patronised, spoken down to, told i'm unreasonable or have it blown out of proportion. That simple really.

Honestly, I think you have been really rude. I won't be told I'm unreasonable ha ha! The fecker dodged a bullet!

Disagree, he seems to lack some basic respect.

Unless you both agree it's a no strings shag, having sex with someone should mean more than poking a hole. By all means, after say that it went further than it should, that you didnt get the right spark, and let that person down nicely, or acknowledge what happened and be an adult about it.

Something like "it was nice last night, had fun, hope you did too" then talk about hangover is not that difficult. Or even, "thanks for meeting last night, upon reflecting we took things further than I would have wanted and while nice, just didnt feel right as an ongoing thing"

Sorry this has happened to you. In my experience this is standard operating procedure for a lot of men. He wanted a fuck but he's just not that into you so has gone into post-coital avoidance mode. It's utterly shit, and all I can recommend is not to sleep with men until you're sure they're really into you and you can absolutely trust them not to behave like utter dicks.

You're unreasonable.

i actually think you sound great! even though you are rightly hurt and frustrated by his lack of acknowledgement it would be so easy to make excuses for his behaviour especially since you liked him so much but nope you know your worth and won't tolerate anything less than what you expect in return.it's very refreshing actually and it's his loss op. :)

😂

What will you do if he texts you later?

Wave from the bus stop outside his window?

Bloody ridiculous carry on, you BOTH had sex, he is obviously not into you. He didn't say anything hurtful or block you, just made casual banter. Big Deal. Your pride has been hurt and that's why you are so angry....and rude.

You don’t know him. And he doesn’t know you. You’re both showing each other the best versions of yourself during the first three months. Communication is always going to be awkward after sex if you barely know each other.

OP, seeing as you're so unreceptive to feedback or anyone else's opinion, I reckon you should invest in a diary and put your feelings there instead. You can even read your tirades back the next day and give yourself a round of applause.

Nowhere does his messages say he's not into her. He messaged her a few times. Just didn't make a big deal about the sex.

OP you sound INTENSE. No wonder he's not full of love and flowers following the night together You slept together, he texted the next day. That's literally all that happened, and the comment you made about holding his head under.. Wow.

Emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ok. He's hardly beating her door down asking for another date after she told him how amazing the night was. He probably picked up on her rude vibe and thought...nah.

OP - I think your rage is more to do with you than him. He got in touch the following day, he didn’t ghost you. His only mistake is apparently not responding exactly as you liked, exactly when you liked. You effectively then killed any opportunity for further engaging. I have reread your post and still can’t see what he did wrong. It sounds like you’re venting and in such a rage because perhaps deep down you realize you may have overreacted. If you were secure in your decision that he’s behaved abhorrently you wouldn’t need validation from mumsnet, or to vent and attack random strangers who (politely and gently) point out different perspectives. Perhaps vent to friends in real life because from what you’ve posted, to me you just come across as strange, rude, and unreasonable.

Hi OP just wanted to bring you some solidarity. He sounds like a t8sser to me and I'm raging on your behalf. You know by the age of 40 how to speak to someone after the act of sex. Be angry but look at it as a positive you've found out now who he is without spending much time with / on him. Onwards and very much upwards.

If he didn't like her he wouldn't have messaged at all.

So what’s her problem then? He didn’t tell her she was great in bed? He didn’t discuss a relationship, he didn’t ask to see her again? He made friendly banter like a normal person. Then she went and wrecked it with her rudeness because she didn’t get the response she wanted . So yeah, most definitely he is not into her now.

Exactly.

This. I think the op is just looking for an echo chamber. This is a public online forum. People will have different perspectives. She doesn't have to agree with them but the rudeness is breathtaking

I don’t really get your rage. He’s a casual partner you’ve met twice before sleeping with. He messaged you after but it wasn’t to your standard? I don’t get why you feel the need to talk about the sex, that would have put me off tbh, the fact he tried to chat rather than being like ‘when’s round two’ would have sat better than me.

If you have been as intense with him as you have on this thread I can see why he would want to cool it off.

I'm thinking the same. From what OP has posted, it does actually sound like he's made attempts to make conversation (albeit not in the way OP would like) and OP has shot him down. He has said that he would speak to her later and been given a passive aggressive shut down. Rather than saying she was disappointed that he didn't want to discuss it at the time.

If you're going to have a relationship with someone, you need to give them the benefit of the doubt and not always assume they're out to fuck you over. Too many people go into OLD on the defensive when really people are all just idiots bumbling along.