Feel really hurt and used

[roses321]

I don't think this is anything new to be honest but I just wanted to vent on here.

I've been single for just over a year, I haven't slept with anyone or bothered with trying to pursue a relationship, but I met this one guy recently and he seemed great. He said all the right things, seemed to really have a good set of values and was extremely respectful.

Long story short, I ended up going home with him on Saturday night and we slept together. I left on Sunday morning and he did text me, but barely, and it was nothing to do with the weekend we spent together or anything else. It was about things in the news or TV shows he was watching.
By Sunday night I kind of felt like shit, and I felt quite used even though there was no reason to feel that way - I'm a grown adult, I made a choice, and I went into it fully aware that he might tell me he didn't want to see me again. I would have been disappointed, but I could have handled it.

What I didn't foresee at all, was him just NOT addressing it, not saying anything, not giving me any indication of whether he wanted to see me again, or even acknowledging that it had happened.

I decided that I didn't have anything to lose, so I laid my cards on the table and told him I had a lovely time with him, thought he was a great guy, and I had fun etc.

The response I got made me really mad. Literally not even an acknowledgement of anything I just said, just "oh I had a hangover yesterday and felt shit" (we went out drinking) and then a "anyway got to go to work, chat later".

I told him that frankly chatting later wasn't necessary. He then followed up saying he found my earring on his bedroom floor and I said don't worry just bin it. He sent me a laughing emoji and just an "ok".

Excuse me but WTF. Is it too much to expect someone to behave like an actual adult and not just run away from acknowledging that yes, we slept together and just be honest and upfront if you don't want more? I'm really fuming. I feel so angry about it and utterly suprised since this is NOT what I expected him to behave like, it is completely out of character with how he presented himself, completely childish and I have just decided to not utter one more word to him, as much as I want to verbally bite his head off, I know that it'll do me no good whatsoever so I won't bother.

Seriously though WHAT THE HECK? You dont' have to want a relationship with someone to behave like a respectful human being ffs.

Can assure you i'm definitely not going to do that.

Actually though... my standards weren't what i thought they were you are right, but they certainly will be next time. I'm not sleeping with him again. Absolutely refuse.

I'd want to know before the sex if it was just going to be one night or a FWB situation.

I agree, and frankly if I was so bothered about it, I should have been clear on it BEFORE I went home with him.

I've got nobody to blame for that but myself. The reason I didn't begins with

"I thought" and the answer is "well you thought wrong".

Please don't beat yourself up for it though, @roses321 My h took the piss that I trusted people but actually given my upbringing I think it says a lot about me that I do trust people, what with everyone not being the same, so I think you saw enough to think he was a decent bloke. The criticism would be going back for more without a conversation then being upset when the same thing happened again.

But where did the cake-baking idea come from? That's what I mean by internalised misogyny. Though actually that's probably the wrong term. I mean you seem to be on the look out for anything remotely patronising (your words) and immediately assume the poster is being misogynistic. Rather than, say, disagreeing with you regardless of gender. Basically, you seem to be hyper alert and I can only imagine that must be exhausting for you long-term.

So just block him and move on, you’re clearly responding to him.

Completely agree with you.

Once bitten, twice shy. I think I am pretty trusting of people to be honest - particularly men that are nice to me.

Already done.

It's not that deep.

It's incredibly patronising, cutting sarcasm. That's all.

It's my humour when someone irritates me. Some people think it's funny and love it, some people fucking hate it and think i'm a prick. On mumsnet, people fucking hate it and think i'm a prick. I can live with that. If I had no friends in my real life I'd be concerned about it, but the people who get it are down with it (and potentially also absolute fucking pricks depending on who you ask).

I swear, i'm sarcastic, if people speak down to me they'll tend to get that kind of response to varying degrees. At work I just smile sweetly though so we're all good.

Another point of note is that my cake baking/pinny comments really speak more to the fact that the general thing that women deal with from men are "don't answer back" "don't rock the boat" "don't upset him" "don't say anything, you'll look like a bitch".

This is not misogyny, it's actually if anything some anger over how women are treated by men.

"God you're so emotional", "Jesus, calm down", "She's crazy", "Oh she's on her period".

If you haven't heard one of these in your time you're a lucky person.

In the past week on mumsnet this is a summary of what i've read:

• My husband is having an affair, how can I fix it?
• My partner is abusing me, I am afraid nobody will believe me.
• My partner will not propose to me and I feel bad because he said he was planning to
• Should I propose to my partner because he won't do it?
• My partner screamed at me in front of our kids, what should I do?

Every fucking day there are women pouring into these forums to talk about how they are feeling. Every day I see responses along the lines of:

• You're over reacting
• Well why don't you just leave
• Don't rock the boat
• Are you sure he had an affair? Like really? It was just texting pictures of his penis... it's not an affair.

Now we're completely off topic here, but if you're going to go down the feminism route with me then frankly... I don't think i'm the one who needs questioning. It is anger at men that is my problem, not anger at women, but yeah i sure as hell get pissed off with women who skip onto these forums and casually slam/shame other women in shitty situations, who are upset, confused and wondering what just happened.

Men are my problem, and the fact that every time I give a modicum of trust to one of them, they screw it up. That's my problem if we are going down the route of pyscho analysing me.

Ok, sure, agree to disagree then.

I really don't think that you should waste your time trying to explain yourself to some of the people on here. Some of us got your sense of humour (and sharp intelligence) from the get-go. Others didn't. It's OK.

🙄

But you’re a woman who was using it to attack other women. The excuse of, well I was doing what men do, doesn’t fly.

On mumsnet, people fucking hate it and think i'm a prick. I can live with that.

and yet you’re trying to desperately justify your sexist comments.

No, I'm a woman using it to issue out some sharp sarcasm to women who were attacking me for having feelings THEY didn't agree with and chose to spoke down to me over having. What's the excuse for popping on line and speaking to me that way? Entitlement? or just "Because I can"? Please enlighten me.

I'm not sitting here making any excuses, I don't wish to make any excuses for comments i have no regret making. You only make excuses when you're sorry... guess what? I'm not sorry. Go fan yourself in the conservatory with a cup of tea, i know that might come as a shock.

Sorry what is sexist?

The idea of me shutting my mouth and putting on a pinny and baking a cake rather than saying what I think? Is that what's sexist?

You should be directing that to Samantha then I think, she's the one insinuating that being upset is utterly outrageous and uncalled for. You're preaching to the fucking choir love.

Dear lord 🤣

Don't be sexist Puddles. We're very sensitive about gender roles on this thread right now.

🤯

I can't speak for others here but personally I would have let you know you're "throwing your toys out of the pram big time" and send you to do some self introspection where you a man posting, a she male or a fluid gender lesbian in the throes of a sex change, but that's just me. "Obnoxious" has nothing to do with gender.

Everyone has a right to their boundaries. They may not be the same as other peoples, but they don't have to be.

To be fair, my OH used to be sooooooo shit at verbalising feelings. Used to drive me batty. Then I realised his actions spoke far better than his words. Years later and we've worked on what I need from him and what he needs from me. Blissfully happy for the most part, merged family and can't see either of us going elsewhere.

People have strengths and weaknesses, communications in there but as I say, your boundaries are just as valid as other people's.

Got to say though, if men had a forum where they referred to a date as a bucket fanny, or hydro hole, folk would soon be kicking off about misogyny and the like. I thought we'd moved on as a society from that stuff

🫠