Feel really hurt and used

[roses321]

I don't think this is anything new to be honest but I just wanted to vent on here.

I've been single for just over a year, I haven't slept with anyone or bothered with trying to pursue a relationship, but I met this one guy recently and he seemed great. He said all the right things, seemed to really have a good set of values and was extremely respectful.

Long story short, I ended up going home with him on Saturday night and we slept together. I left on Sunday morning and he did text me, but barely, and it was nothing to do with the weekend we spent together or anything else. It was about things in the news or TV shows he was watching.
By Sunday night I kind of felt like shit, and I felt quite used even though there was no reason to feel that way - I'm a grown adult, I made a choice, and I went into it fully aware that he might tell me he didn't want to see me again. I would have been disappointed, but I could have handled it.

What I didn't foresee at all, was him just NOT addressing it, not saying anything, not giving me any indication of whether he wanted to see me again, or even acknowledging that it had happened.

I decided that I didn't have anything to lose, so I laid my cards on the table and told him I had a lovely time with him, thought he was a great guy, and I had fun etc.

The response I got made me really mad. Literally not even an acknowledgement of anything I just said, just "oh I had a hangover yesterday and felt shit" (we went out drinking) and then a "anyway got to go to work, chat later".

I told him that frankly chatting later wasn't necessary. He then followed up saying he found my earring on his bedroom floor and I said don't worry just bin it. He sent me a laughing emoji and just an "ok".

Excuse me but WTF. Is it too much to expect someone to behave like an actual adult and not just run away from acknowledging that yes, we slept together and just be honest and upfront if you don't want more? I'm really fuming. I feel so angry about it and utterly suprised since this is NOT what I expected him to behave like, it is completely out of character with how he presented himself, completely childish and I have just decided to not utter one more word to him, as much as I want to verbally bite his head off, I know that it'll do me no good whatsoever so I won't bother.

Seriously though WHAT THE HECK? You dont' have to want a relationship with someone to behave like a respectful human being ffs.

In what world are jokes about Oscar Pistorius funny?

This guy's just a dozy bastard, a different league surely.

Indeed. They're about as funny as the homophobic "jokes" also being made.

No, mine is actually appalling at conversations, particularly by text. I used to get a thumbs up and nothing else as a response, frequently.

As you can imagine, I was about to blow my lid and sack the whole thing off. But then I thought, well he is awfully tall, and he does have a massive great big ding dong, and I am actually ok with being single but with this for weekends. I mean, I was thinking beforehand wouldn't it be nice to just be able to get a man in now and then. Turns out - it is.

Now I just put his Whatsapp chat in archive during the weekdays and forget he exists. I haven't said one word to him today and I don't intend to :)

I think I love you!

It's so gut wrenching isn't it, I've just been through it myself.
Spent the night together, he was pretty affectionate, kissing cuddling, fell asleep on his chest etc.. took me home tge following morning, he went home, no text I asked If he was OK yeah. Just having lunch with my mum he says. Sent me a message 3 days later Talking about meeting again then nothing. I reached out to him got nothing much back so I stopped. I got a missed call on WhatsApp last Thursday so I said I guess that was a mistake but u OK? He says yeah. Still alive.
It's horrible op and ive felt like utter shit but it's not you. Sadly it happens so often

Yeah this is exactly the shit i'm talking about.

I'm clearly not the hard ass many posters on this thread seem to be when it comes to this stuff.

I find it just odd to be honest, it's not how I think shit should be done, so I'll stick with people who speak my language.

MNHQ need to fuck right off deleting posts all the time.

Why what have they deleted now?

Someone made a comment about South African men, then said ‘look at Oscar Pistorius’ or something, then someone different made a joke about him. That was deleted and it looks like all the comments made by that poster have gone.

It's totally not on, some women may do the same but when I'm intimate with someone I don't act like a dick after. The guy I met is a total liability anyway and I wouldn't want a future with him but just ignored and ghosted after sex will always be shitty behaviour. The sex was shit too, he lasted 2 mins, said we can go again later but didn't. Watched a crap film and went to bed. Didn't pleasure me. I'll be sticking with my toys from now on at least I get a happy ending

No more updates? Poor lad stuck i his mams back bedroom waiting for another bunk up.

Talk about projection…wow.

When you're happy being single you open yourself up to so many possibilities, don't you? When I reached a certain age and came to terms with being single and child free I suddenly realised it was the world's greatest secret kept from women. I suddenly felt free of the patriarchal lies and was over the moon with happiness from then on.

Update time!

I won't keep this going on much longer to be honest, I think it's passed its sell by date now in all truth.

However I had to give an update on this. It literally made my spit my cup of tea all over myself.

So after a whole day of not responding to Mr CCD yesterday, I responded to him graciously and said "I hope you had a lovely day, I'm fine thank you very much, how are you?".

I figured what the hell, I'm over it now, it's polite and I already know the conclusion of this so I'm not going to get a bug up my ass about it all, i'll be polite and if he kills the conversation after this, then at least I'll be in no doubt. Some of the posts on this forum HAVE made me doubt my judgement.

Response from Mr CCD.

"Hey, I had a good day thanks, was your day good? I thought my penis had scared you off".

He went on to say he wasn't sure if I'd enjoyed myself and when I did mention the message I'd sent on Sunday, he claimed he "hadn't seen it". Uh huh.

I don't know if he's being genuine or just trying to push things for another round of the same, but either way, i'm holding back - it won't be happening again unless I know that his intentions are good.

Lol though. This is a new one.

He's already shown his communication skills are shit, you sent him a message saying what a great time you had and he gave next to nothing back.
I hate it when they do this, hot and cold. I had a message a few weeks ago apologised for the crap sex said he wanted to show me a good time, be better next time are you free Thursday? I thought it seemed promising and we would meet again but then nothing. I reached out to him a few days later and was clear he wasn't bothered.
Let him go, if u meet again it won't be any different. The sex might be better but the coldness afterwards will likely happen again

What’s attached to the penis is a scarier prospect tbh

I think he didn't acknowledge it previously because maybe he was a little shy/embarrassed about it!
That's the vibe I'm getting from the "I thought my penis scared you off" message anyway.
Yes he's has been immature about it but I don't think it's all that bad from your new update.
I think this thread has also had its day. Rabbit holes have been created that didn't need to be and it's made you question what is probably a simple situation.
He was embarrassed and as a result didn't act in the best way, however this didn't mean that you was a bunny boiler wanting marriage etc.
Get on with your day & see how things turn out. 😃

Agreed.

I'll see what happens... but i'm not going to make the same mistake twice.

What do you want out of this? It's clear this guy just wants sex not a relationship. He's just stringing you and probably others along to get what he wants. It's not a coincidence he just happened to be home alone on your 3rd date he's been setting this up since the day you started speaking. On the Sunday he probably had the other women he's chatting too messaging and focusing on them .

We'll see.

Make one mistake that's fair enough, make the same mistake again you're a moron. I'm not a moron.

I'll see what he decides to do. I'm happy single, I have a life, hobbies, friends etc. I'm not waiting around for a guy to love me so I don't feel that it's any issue to just see what he does.

If he tries the same thing twice he'll get nowhere, the door is closed on that one. He hasn't made his intentions clear, and until he does i'm going to hang back and get on with my life. I don't see that there is any issue with that at all.

What do I want? Not casual sex, but I don't want to get into anything ridiculously heavy either, I've had a lot going on in the last year, I'm just not in a position to do that. If things naturally grow over time then great, but I agree with you that it doesn't look to to be the case in this scenario...

He could be genuinely anxious that I didn't enjoy myself, or he could be buttering me up and extorting an ego boost... if he finds out i'm not going to do that again and sticks around because he wants my company then i'll know won't I?

I think what he is doing is quite calculated to keep you available (if possible) but with low expectations of return. Sex in a relationship can be seen by some people as a bond, but by others it creates a power imbalance that they don’t like. Because needing or wanting it makes them feel vulnerable to its potential withdrawal. So both women and men will sometimes behave badly after sex in order to determine how much power they still have over the partner.

Men either a pursuing you, catching you, holding you, or training you to come to heel. (Yes! Yes! Not my nigel! Actually the good ones do the first three things but not the last.)

My point is he didn’t dump you but he was rude and dismissive of you and the connection you thought you had. This is so he can come back for sex without you having any power over him. If you accept this treatment as normal that is all you will ever get because both of you know that is all the value he needs to place on you.

Please read my post above.

This isn't my first rodeo with men.

Great post, I don't know any bloke who's gone form casual sex with someone to ending up with them long term. What normally happens is someone says I'm not carrying on with the sex unless your committed then the guy is worried about no-one to have sex with easily so commits but it never works on long term just end up plodding along until push comes to shove.

Did you know he lived with his mum in a single bed before you went back?

You "let men" have sex with you?? And you call yourself an "accidental slut"?

Have you ever examined your own attitude towards sex?