Dil pregnancy

[Bell501]

Hello
My Dil is pregnant which I'm delighted about. I've known now about 5 weeks and have sent her a text about four times to see how she is keeping. I bought her a gift and left it outside her house. Noone was there. I got a message from my son saying she wants no fuss and she wants him to keep me updated.

Is there any obvious way I have upset her? What do I do now apart from the obvious ask my son. How often should I inquire?

Our relationship has been very civil I think up to now. She is a private person

She did answer!

It perhaps makes the relationship seem forced though?

Most "in-law" type relationships are at the beginning, though, aren't they?

You have two people thrown together through family, who often have very little in common - IME you have be willing to work through the awkwardness if you want to have a good relationship long-term.

I talk to her in a group chat but it was more to show her I'm thinking of her. I also asked if she needed anything

But has now directed all communication through DH: “ Speak to my minions.”

It’s rude. It only takes thirty seconds to respond “ I’m feeling well thank you. How are you?”

She doesn’t need to say “ well I’ve gone up a knicker size, my nipples are tender, my vaginal mucus seems to have dried up and DH and I are no longer having sex.” Or anything else “ private people” get worried about. 🙄

I think that amount of texts is absolutely reasonable, even for someone who is “private”, and flowers are a lovely gesture.
Lamenting the decline of “the village” whilst actively rejecting kindnesses and interest seems to be a trend at the moment. Such a self-defeating attitude but little you can do about it. Sorry you’ve been made to feel like you’ve done wrong, you haven’t.

We don't know what she did reply. OP has said she was short and sweet but wants her DH to give any relevant pregnancy updates. Which isn't her cutting off all communications or anything. She doesn't want to set up an expectation of regular updates.

She could be more forthcoming but I don't think either party has done anything wrong in this instance and neither has anything to take offence about.

You refer to another woman as an 'ungracious piece of work' and on the same thread call others rude?

The irony.

Presumably she had no health issues? Is it that difficult to figure out?!

I referred to a third party and calling someone ungracious is not rude! What planet are you on?

She might not have health issues now.

Or have I missed that she has?

She has had some completely unreasonable responses here! Kid yourself otherwise if you can't see that!

If 4 brief texts is "intrusive", well words fail me! Totally ridiculous!

I'm not interested in what you like. I gave my responses to the op and it's none of your business. Others can have a difference opinion and a more direct way of talking without being censored by you.

Planet Basic Manners. Referring to another woman as a 'piece of work' is evidently your style, not mine.

Planet Bullshit!

Oh, dear. How rude!

Im also in Ireland. And have a pregnant dil.
She calls in a couple of times a month...either dil or ds texts first because we live about half an hour away.
A few days after she announced her pregnancy she was here...her aunt texted her to say she had let some flowers for dil and was sorry to miss her.
The idea of that being weird or creeping around didn't occur.
I text maybe once a fortnight depending on what's going on...I text dil if I have a specific question as she is more likely to reply than ds.
I don't have my mother in laws number...I have my sils if there is a crisis.

Nor will I be censored by now.

You can all back off with the attacks. I will not be moved from my opinion and I will not be bullied either!

Completely called for at this point. The other poster was gratuitously rude. Now do back off. All of you.

Yes, be prepared to be cut out once the baby is here op, she's probably a MNer and only wants to pay attention to 'her own little family' 🤮🙄

You are really missing the point.
As many people already said, if OP only started texting weekly now Dil is pregnant it may come across like she is treating her as “baby incubator”
Dil politely requested relationship stays as it is. Respect it

Haven't read everything but laughing at people saying you are overbearing for texting once a week to see how she is and sending flowers! Each to their own, but I wouldn't have minded this at all. It isn't that you are treating her as an incubator, it's just that she is now a more important member of your family than ever. She's obviously not one for people, so just go through your son.

It is intrusive if the close relationship is not there