Dil pregnancy

[Bell501]

Hello
My Dil is pregnant which I'm delighted about. I've known now about 5 weeks and have sent her a text about four times to see how she is keeping. I bought her a gift and left it outside her house. Noone was there. I got a message from my son saying she wants no fuss and she wants him to keep me updated.

Is there any obvious way I have upset her? What do I do now apart from the obvious ask my son. How often should I inquire?

Our relationship has been very civil I think up to now. She is a private person

What is there to say at that point, though? If she's a very private person she's hardly going to want to give out details on bodily functions, impact on waistline etc. And maybe she is anxious or just doesn't want to count her chickens.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable.

You changed your rules of engagement because your DIL is pregnant. Your DIL wants things to stay the same as they are now. For now at least. Let her be and keep I touch with your son.

Just remember this when they need babysitters
you sound lovely 🥰

Remember that she replied politely to some texts and ask not to be made a fuss of? Ok, why would that have an impact on someone babysitting or not?

Point her in the direction of MN. She will fit right in with the MiL haters on here.

How far along is she @Bell501 is she waiting to get to the 12 week mark before getting a bit more excited? I think the flowers were lovely, but maybe back off on the texting as others have also advised.

Do you have to be so bloody rude?

Why don't you just back off?

"had enough of you" - ffs!!! She's rude too!

MIL's can't do anything right on here (or in real life apparently!).

OP, I think you sound lovely - one text a week plus flowers is absolutely a normal amount of communication with a newly pregnant DIL. Whatever the problem is, it's not you, I promise!

Thank you for your kind words x

We may also just as easily get a post from DIL wondering why her MIL doesn't care about her grandchildren and doesn't went to help them with childcare.

I don't think 4 texts in 4 weeks and flowers is overbearing but I agree @Bell501 should let her be and let her initiate any contact and you can check up with your son sometimes.

Unfortunately it's so sad that we are increasingly becoming an isolated and individualistic society.

Agree, I get there are some things you’d rather not discuss with your in-laws but this whole thing of ghosting people when they show a modicum of interest in your life because it’s “OTT” is bonkers to me.

You see so many posts on here about people having fractured relationships with their MIL, then you read stuff like this and it’s obvious why!!

Amen to this.

Someone who can’t handle a text a week ( less actually) has an attitude issue.

But as @ricecrispiecakes has observed, MILs can’t do anything right these days - and I say that as someone who is not yet a MIL. I try really hard not to be an alienating, controlling, difficult diva to mine.

Why not?

Because it can smack of no genuine interest in the woman until they are pregnant.

As is perhaps the case here.

Wow you're being really ridiculous and unfair. Really she dropped flowers at the door of her son and her DIL and suddenly she is creeping outside her house. I can't believe I just read this.

Absolutely!

Texting the grandmother of your unborn baby once a week is hardly some huge arduous task that invades your privacy or takes up hours of your valuable time.

I wasn't even particularly close with my MIL (we were just very different people) but I still saw her every week and made an effort to ask after her and spend a little time with her. FIL is now alone after she sadly passed away, and I now see him multiple times a week and make sure he's okay. I know he really appreciates it and he often sits and talks to me about his life - something he never does with DH!

The flowers were a lovely idea but the texting is maybe too much if she’s a private person and she might be quite anxious early on and trying to ignore it all until she’s further along

What's it to you???

I don't see any evidence of that.

The OP is clearly excited about becoming a grandmother. She didn't have a reason to text her before but she does now. I don't see a thing wrong with it. It's not like it's every fucking day!!

@Bell501 you have had some truly bizarre responses here! I think backing off here as you are doing is sensible. How often is your son in contact with you?

I dislike rudeness, and you have just done it again. Charming.

She didn't have a reason to text her before but she does now. I don't see a thing wrong with it.

Why wouldn't she have a reason to text her until now?

Pregnancy doesn't make you rude and bad mannered. The OP has only texted 4 times in 5 weeks, is it really so hard to answer? She also bought her flowers - fucking hell, burn the witch. You just know the OP will end up being a free childminder given that they both work full time. Personally I'd tell them to get stuffed.

you have had some truly bizarre responses here!

No she hasn't. She's had responses that show how different people's feelings are about this. The OP already knows this DIL is a "private person" so it's likely that her feelings are in line with the people here who say it was OTT. To suddenly text much more than before just because she's pregnant is going to seem intrusive to the DIL.

Lots of MIL's aren't close to their DIL's until there's a common "tie" of a grandchild - it's hardly unusual.