Women over 40 - your top 10 words of wisdom for younger women?

[JFDIYOLO]

Be wary of a man who does not live with his young children. He either bolted and left them, or she got them away from him. And if you were the one he bolted with - he has a habit and will do it to you.

Do not give up your job, income, savings, pension, home etc to go play unpaid housekeeper to a man who dangles the marriage mirage and maybe baby in front of you … until it's too late for you.

Do not have children with a man who won't marry you, in the hope that will convince him. It won't. He's already got what he wants and you’ll have fewer rights.

Get to know him before moving in together. Learn him before having a child with him. Be aware that the nicest guy can become a nightmare as soon as you get pregnant, or he realises the world no longer revolves around him and his ‘needs’.

Get to know his parents and siblings. They're the eco system he grew up in and he will repeat that. Do you want that repeating itself with you and any children?

The second he first lays a hand on you, or your children, get help and get out. Leaving is the hardest time - but if you stay, this will only get worse.

Keep your own bank account and understand your personal and the household finances. Don't be like the abandoned wife who learned late that water actually has to be paid for because her husband handled all that sort of thing.

If your Spidey senses tell you there is something wrong … there is.

Be careful of suggestions his children come and live with you. You will become a free babysitter, chauffeur, mediator, co-funder etc etc. Are you happy with that?

Be aware that in laws can be a bit bonkers when you have a baby. Set your boundaries, know your rights, practice your ‘no’. No to them watching you give birth, visiting immediately, coming and staying too soon, monopolising the baby etc, if you don't want that, and expect your DP to step up and stand up if you need that.

That's my first ten.

What would you add?

Give no fucks and just do it!

If the right man comes along - great
If the right man dosent come along - great

Beware of Frenemies who think they are above you and use you as their yardstick.

Be wary of people being very friendly very quickly - they want something.

Actions speak louder than words.

Don't eat anything that smells funky

Enjoy your own company

Weird comment. Clearly, not all men have ex-partners. Some men marry their first partner and stay in that relationship for the rest of their life. There are also a lot of men who have never had a partner, and most people will know at least one of these men.

I'm not sure why you think having more than one partner is something that's universal among men.

Do not understand any circumstances waste time with men. It either works or not. The years I spent obsessing was such a waste of time.

Always have your own income so you can make choices. Never share a bank account.

Remember you are valuable.

Really? No man has an ex GF? or a friend that doesn't talk to him anymore.? Nothing to worry about for those who married their childhood sweetheart and have never stayed but ALL of us have friends we no longer talk to.

It's weird because researching someone's ex partners and then going to grill them about your boyfriend is utterly bizarre behaviour

And mine!

Far too many men just aren't worth it, or downright dangerous. It's too big a risk.

I didn't say "no man has an ex GF." Let's rewind- you said "Every man has an ex." I said clearly that's not correct, because some men marry their first partners, and there are many men who have not had a relationship.

As for "a friend that doesn't talk to him anymore," it's a bit strange to raise this point. In almost all cases, a man's friend that doesn't talk to him anymore isn't because of anything negative or a falling out as such- it's just because men, like all people, move on with life and lose contact with people they previously knew. It's extremely common in older men- they just lose contact as they get older. Hence the old joke that Jesus's greatest miracle was being a 30 year old man with 12 friends.

Read up on peri menopause to educate yourself.
Vitamins can help.
Vitamin B complex, sun flower capsules and Ashwagandha can make the world of difference to how you feel.
Grow a safe plant.
Make a big pot of tea, let it cool and drink.
Absolutely magic for reducing horrendous hot flushes. Reduced mine by 90% when I was nearly a basket case from them.

Think very seriously about having children over 40. I did and whilst fine when they are babies, having teens in your 60's can be very hard.
It is not natural.
Menopause, aging, slowing down is not compatible with the energy and support that teens need and deserve.
I have a great GP in the same situation and we both agree...what were we thinking!
Parents get on with it of course but if I had my time over, I wouldn't leave it so late.

Start saving from your very first paycheck, even just £20....become a regular saver, it is a great habit and every woman needs savings.
Money = options.

Well, you could avoid taking on a man who already has children. In fact, that is probably good advice.

Buy a house at the low end of your budget. You'll thank yourself when inflation strikes.

Learn the difference between supporting someone and enabling them. Woman have empathy and tolerance to nurture children and others who want to grow. Don't waste it on becoming an emotional shock absorber for someone else's dysfunction.

Grieve your losses as they happen rather than lugging hurt and denial around.

Buy cheap, except for mattresses and appliances.

Brush and floss your teeth.

Focus on the job you want two steps from now, not the next one. What skills and roles do you need to get there? Keep that ultimate goal in mind.

Put yourself forward for jobs with the confidence of a 20 something averagely intelligent mediocre man.

Wear SPF every single day.

If you are planning on having a child you should (ideally) be in an ok enough position to raise them alone if you had to.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them,

Gut instinct is very rarely wrong. If something feels off, it is.

Start working on your core now. Exercise and look after your body.

Don't let your kids eat jaw breakers (my teeth are a crumbling mess now)

Don't clean up for a man put boundaries in from day 1

Build a career, be financially independent and never ever pick up your partner's dirty washing from the floor.

@costahotchocolatesaremyweakness Put yourself forward for jobs with the confidence of a 20 something averagely intelligent mediocre man.

Don't do this, as you would never apply for any jobs. I thought I was unemployable in my 20s, despite having a Mensa-level IQ.

Yes

Curiosity.

Get a professional qualification and keep up your membership, so you will ALWAYS be able to get a job/a better job, or change location, when you need/want to.

Take care of your teeth, there are no second chances.

Work on developing and maintaining good sleep habits.

You will need a pension one day, you are not immortal and it's not boring, so seek out employers who pay a decent whack in for you (God I wish someone had told me this when I was first starting out!)

(I'd advise men to do these things too).

Feel free to ignore me.

Do not be a people pleaser.
No, means No.
Be independent money wise.
Look after your teeth!
Just be you and enjoy life.