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Original poster

Step-daughter moving in. How much rent?

154 replies

Fandabydosy · 07/07/2024 10:26

HELP, my partners daughter is 18, her mum is moving away so she wants to move in with us, it's just me and him and I like my own space. I don't know her that well as she has only called occasionally even though I've been with her dad for 9 years, it's making me very anxious. I feel like I have to say yes coz I'd do the same for my kids but it's putting a massive strain on our relationship also how much per week should I charge her for rent? I'm annoyed coz I wasn't involved in the discussion she asked her dad, he said yes and then didn't tell me for months until I overheard a convo between them discussing bedroom furniture. I feel like splitting up and getting my own place, my heads in a whirl.

OP posts:
Lorie94 · 07/07/2024 10:35

Does her dad want to charge her rent ? I think 18 is young to be charging rent

Original poster
Fandabydosy · 07/07/2024 10:37

Yes we want to charge her rent as she works and we want to teach her the value of money.

OP posts:
Lorie94 · 07/07/2024 10:41

Is she full time ?
I used to pay £150 when I went full time but I was 21 at this point

catin8oots · 07/07/2024 10:42

My 25 year old son gives me £200 a month. If I could afford it, I wouldn't take a penny from him. But he eats like a lion and I do the food shopping!

sevsal · 07/07/2024 10:44

I don't know her that well as she has only called occasionally even though I've been with her dad for 9 years,

Don't blame her for that. The majority of your relationship she has been a child. Her father should have been proactive in the relationship.

Also, you don't mention her financial circumstances, so it's impossible to say what she should pay.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/07/2024 10:45

Do you think her paying rent will make you feel better about your partner making unilateral decisions about your home and who lives in it and not having the courtesy to discuss it with you? I really doubt it.

Do you jointly own the home?

Why do you barely know her when you’ve been together half her life? How often has he been seeing her?

It sounds like a recipe for misery and disaster. I’d make plan B now.

Pigeonqueen · 07/07/2024 10:47

Is she working full time?

Yippiddy · 07/07/2024 10:49

Will she be cooking her own meals and buys her own toiletries etc. what about laundry and chores?

I'd suggest your husband make all the decisions and not get too involved.

If she is out of education and working full time I think it's ok to charge rent. Even better if you can put the money or some of the money aside to return to her for when she moves out. It depends how much she is earning a bit.

What about £50 a week plus chores.

There are some teens about who,are really hard work but you might be surprised at how nice she is to have around. Just because she hasn't been good at contacting your husband doesn't mean she is going to be a bad person.

LadyCrumpet · 07/07/2024 10:51

How much does she earn?

Will she pull her weight in the house?

DelphiniumBlue · 07/07/2024 10:52

Unless you are really hard up, rent, and how much it should be, is the least of your problems.
The real issue is that you haven’t been consulted.
You don’t say what your current living arrangements are- whose house it is, is it rented, who pays what. That all makes a difference.
You are likely to have a distressed teen on your hands, with a Disney dad who will do whatever she wants. If you stay, you’ll need to have open discussions about expectations and ground rules.
Your comment about teaching her about money seems naive, it’s not your job, you say you barely know her. Does she even have a job? Her father can decide whether to support her financially. Obviously you don’t have to contribute, but if you get involved in their financial arrangements, you will be resented. You may need to rearrange how you and he divide up your money and costs. So it’s ok for you to say you are not going to contribute towards her share of bills, but not ok for you to demand money from her. That is his job.
But I understand why you might want to move out.

Lalaland5 · 07/07/2024 10:56

I feel like I have to say yes coz I'd do the same for my kids the same for my kids…

ouch.

I can see why you’re annoyed with your DP for not discussing with you as soon as she spoke to him, I would also be questioning the future of my relationship if this had happened, but that’s not your SDs fault.

If your SD has lived with her DM until now, then chances are your DP has had to spend significantly less in terms of raising her, compared to her mum. In theory at any point during childhood she could have needed to live with her dad full time.

In terms of the question of how much rent to charge her… what is her income? Is she still in education? What rent would you expect to charge if you had a DC who was still living at home at 18?

Given how expensive housing is at current, I am fully expecting, and budgeting for my DC to still need to be housed at the age of 18. If they are in employment, rather than still in full time education, at the age of 18, then I would most likely charge them a nominal amount of rent and put this into a savings account to potentially hand back over to them if and when they are in a position to move into their own place.

pinkyredrose · 07/07/2024 10:56

I'd be more fucked off that her dad said yes without asking you. Why did he do that? He's not expecting you to cook for her and do her laundry is he?

What's your housing situation, in both names, rent or own?

EndlessSummer · 07/07/2024 10:56

18 is young to be paying rent. Is she working full-time and not in education? I would charge her a basic amount eg £50 a week max. I have a dc same age but they are in education so I pay for everything still. Their main expense is food.

caringcarer · 07/07/2024 11:01

I'd be bloody furious if my DH ever made a unilateral decision like that without having the courtesy to discuss it with my first. Not because I'd say no but because it would change everyday going forward in my life and I'd want reassurance from DH and SD that the SD would clean up after herself eg. not leaving kitchen in a mess after cooking and would share the chores. I think I'd feel so strongly about my partner of 9 years failing to discuss issue with me I'd consider separating from him as I could no longer trust him and leaving him with his DD.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 07/07/2024 11:02

I feel very sorry for this young woman. I assume she's lived with her mother since her parents split? Why hasn't she been staying in her dad's home on a regular basis so that you all know each other? And where is her mother going? There's clearly more to this... not many mothers disappear off into the sunset once their child reaches 18. Either the mother is awful or the daughter is!

This all looks like a disaster waiting to happen. You need to agree house rules with your DH and then you both need to let DSD know what they are. The rent is the least of your problems... How long is she planning to stay would be my first question.

Maddy70 · 07/07/2024 11:03

I wouldn't charge an 18 yr old rent. But if you do I would charge a nominal amount 25 pw.

TidyDancer · 07/07/2024 11:09

This is a recipe for disaster because you clearly don't want her there which, unless she's really stupid, she will work out very quickly. It will also for a division between you and your DP. I don't blame you fwiw and your DP has gone about this in totally the wrong way, but I can't see any way this will have a good result.

That said, if it does go ahead I would charge only a nominal amount. If she's working part time and studying I wouldn't charge anything (but she should buy her own toiletries for eg).

Shinyandnew1 · 07/07/2024 11:12

I'm annoyed coz I wasn't involved in the discussion she asked her dad, he said yes and then didn't tell me for months until I overheard a convo between them discussing bedroom furniture

I’d be annoyed as well; that’s really shitty!

WildfirePonie · 07/07/2024 11:13

I would split and move out. How dare he decide this without consulting you?! Bin him and enjoy your new place with peace.

SapphireOpal · 07/07/2024 11:13

I don't know her that well as she has only called occasionally even though I've been with her dad for 9 years

She was NINE when you got together. This is your DP's fault, not hers.

Taciturn · 07/07/2024 11:17

My (unpopular) view is that 50% take home pay is reasonably what someone would pay on rent + bills if they lived out. The point is not to leave somone with an unrealistic expectation of "fun" money, rather than to deprive them.

Assuming this more than covers costs, you either take some in rent and set the rest aside youself, or insist she puts the balance in a ISA/LISA or similar.

Eg takes home £1k per month:
£200 rent
£300 ISA
£500 travel and other expenses

VerasMacAndHat · 07/07/2024 11:20

The way your dh had handled this shows a massive lack of respect and communication which makes me think he's not the most decent of individuals. But given the fact that he's had very little to do with his dd from age 9 to 18, you must already have known this.

What you and he charge her would be dependent on how much she earns and what you feel is the responsibility of a father to his 18 year old daughter. Your desire to "teach her the value of money" is quite telling as a first response.

ActualChips · 07/07/2024 11:23

Has your boyfriend really barely ever seen his kid in the decade you've been dating him?

SonicTheHodgeheg · 07/07/2024 11:23

How much does she earn?
What expenses is she expected to cover? I mean stuff like phone, car insurance , haircuts, gym, petrol…

isthewashingdryyet · 07/07/2024 11:29

Well, food is about £40 to £50 per person per week.
Plus a share of bills as gas and electric and water will all increase with an 18 year old in the house.
She needs to buy her own toiletries and pay for her own phone

Are you also discussing house rules, what time is the front door locked, can she make a bacon butty at 3 am, who does her washing and when can she use the washing machine, what to do with wet clothes in the machine if she has gone out and left them and you need to use the machine.
how often does she clean and hoover her room

actually, I’d be moving out thinking about all this