Step-daughter moving in. How much rent?

[Fandabydosy]

HELP, my partners daughter is 18, her mum is moving away so she wants to move in with us, it's just me and him and I like my own space. I don't know her that well as she has only called occasionally even though I've been with her dad for 9 years, it's making me very anxious. I feel like I have to say yes coz I'd do the same for my kids but it's putting a massive strain on our relationship also how much per week should I charge her for rent? I'm annoyed coz I wasn't involved in the discussion she asked her dad, he said yes and then didn't tell me for months until I overheard a convo between them discussing bedroom furniture. I feel like splitting up and getting my own place, my heads in a whirl.

She works full-time and earns a decent wage, your comments are very valuable, we need to sit down and agree ground rules, expectations etc as she is a good kid and I don't want her to feel unwanted, her mum is moving to the other side of the country and she wants to stay where her friends are. Her dad has always been part of her life and he Co parented for years but at that time it was before we met and then we didn't live together so i used to just visit sometimes but mainly left them to it, we own a house together for 2 years and she got to the age she wanted to stay at friends so has rarely slept here, we get on well when I see her but think it's going to be a massive change for us all and yes I am fuming that my cowardly partner didn't discuss such a big decision with me.

I don’t think 18 is too young to pay rent, especially as OP says DSD earns a decent wage. About a hundred years ago when I was 18, I was earning about £8k a year, paying £40pw rent (plus buying some extra food myself, toiletries etc) and paying £160 train fare to work.

Do you need the money? If not, nothing.

If you need the money, charge what extra she costs you in good, water, electricityetc

I'd be seriously unhappy about this!

Do you want this?

I'd look at the cost of how much it is to live in a shared house or as a lodger in your area as a rough guide to how much it costs for a young working adult to live in this area if they had no relatives to lodge with. It will help you to decide on what rent to charge. Include food if she will be eating from the shared foods.

Is there a reason she wants to move in with you both despite not spending much time with you, rather than live independently?! Does she think it will be a peppercorn rent and a continuance of living at home as a teenager?

Personally though this would be a deal breaker for me that he didn't even mention it to me, just said yes and I had to overhear them discussing furniture!

How much can she be earning at 18, for you to think it’s a decent wage. I doubt it’s much at all.

personalky I’d not charge an 18 year old rent, and don’t buy it’s to teach her the value of money at all, if you want to do that then teach her about savings and investments etc, not put your hand out.

Don't be daft, of course she's got to contribute to the household! She's going to need food, heating, water etc, it's not free.

Unless her father is going to cover all her costs, the OP certainly shouldn't.

Why not give her advice on how to save for her own place she could put her money into an ISA account. One day she can afford to buy her own flat or house. If you take money from her then she will be with you for longer unfortunately. It makes sense for her to save and get herself on the property ladder?

He has shown you great disrespect in moving her in without any discussion. It's a sign of things to come. It's not going to get better. I would reconsider this relationship.

While he has a duty to his child, he also has a duty to you and should have talked it through with you. In his situation I would definitely welcome my child into my home.

However, you have a duty to yourself and your own happiness. If that means leaving (and I know many of us would leave) then that's what you have to do. Or your partner has to leave, depending on your home arrangements.

Yes, of course he should have discussed this with you first but you say I'd do the same for my kids so if you would have your 18 year olds living with you both in your joint home, why is it different for him in your opinion?

She won't be there forever. How about putting a time limit on it of say 1 to 2 years?

The "bin him and move out" posters are absolutely nuts!!

I found it very fair to contribute towards the rent and groceries. Since she's an adult and works full-time, she can afford her share. after I graduated, I've been contributing 30% of my salary to my mom every month.

She's only 18 poor kid, mother doesn't want her and dad's partner doesn't want her.

No i would not charge rent but I would discuss expectations in advance, reasonable ones eg is she cooking for herself, if not what do you expect re telling you if she'll be in, her offering to buy basic groceries to restock like bread and milk, chores like housework of communal areas, bathroom arrangements if you only have one etc.

But of course her dad had to say yes because if you meet a man with a child (ren) it's always a possibility, I know, it happened to me, dsd was 19.

And by the way it wasn't discussed in our house either, did ex just messaged him and told him what was happening, end of. (he did tell me straight away though, fait accompli)

Completely agree - he arranged with her that she'd be moving in with you months ago, and omitted to mention it to you ?

Of.course you do... if that's the only reason why don't you charge her the rent but save it for her to give back to her for a deposit or help in the future if she needs it.

Very fair what you said.

As PP says, your biggest problem is that your DP didn't discuss a major change in your living arrangements with you before telling her yes.

At 18 she should pay rent. She wants to live locally, if she had to rent a flat on her own/share, it would cost her a hell of a lot more than living with you.

If DP won't charge her rent then he needs to pay more than you into the bills.

It will benefit her far more in the longer term to save the “rent” she would otherwise have to spend if she wasn’t at home with her Dad and you. Find out the rate of a room in a shared house and round down if that is more than 50% of her take home pay. Get her to set up a standing order to a savings account /ISA with a view to growing a nest egg for her own place.

Most 18 year olds in the UK are in education. What are her career plans and does she have plans to study in the future?

I personally would have reservations. No communication from either of them (to you) sounds like they don't consider you as having a say.

It may work out fine, but it may not. They are a team, Dad and daughter and they may gang up on you!

Probably the best thing to do is give it say six months, and be clear about that. Set out some ground rules but nothing too extreme either, just the usual things.

As for rent/contribution maybe rather than a set amount, ask her to pay a certain bill every month, electricity, gas, whatever. That might stop her having two hour showers lol.

If you feel your views are not being regarded, then it's time for a rethink. I note you say in a pp that you feel like moving out. Well as the house is owned by both of you, if it gets too much I'd sell it and you can get your own place, and Dad and DD can live together. A pp also said that neither her mother or father want her and how sad that is. I don't see that, DD wants to stay where her friends etc. are, and for all we know she could have gone with her mother.

Anyway, I would hate to be in your position. But at the end of the day, I would look after myself. Happiness doesn't really come from sacrificing yours for others.

What is people's rationale for not asking her to pay rent? Why shouldn't she? If she lived in a house share then she would have to - and even if she's at university she would have to pay bills and rent.

Because she's living with you it doesn't have to be an extortionate amount, but definitely a portion of her income so she isn't just keeping all the money she earns as spending money - that's not how life works.

18 is definitely not too young to be doing these things - she's an adult now, responsibility has to start somewhere.

Nothing. At 18 anything she can afford she saves for a deposit on a house or future rent.

She pays for her phone, luxuries and clothes that is all imo.

Charging an 18yr old rent is crap. They very soon 'learn the value of money' once they are in their own places. Her df should be helping her to save toward that not grab money off her.

But yes, if you joint own your property he should have discussed her moving in wirh you.

Yes you should have been asked /discussed

Amazed havent sen much of her considering she was a child when uou met her dad

But also feel sorry for her that her mum has moved away and dad is now stepping up and you aren't beat keen

She is an adult so shouldn't be too much hassle

Obv have house rules
And yes pay rent 25% of earnings maybe so can save as well

I think 20-25% of her wage is a reasonable amount to ask for.

Wow.