Step-daughter moving in. How much rent?

[Fandabydosy]

HELP, my partners daughter is 18, her mum is moving away so she wants to move in with us, it's just me and him and I like my own space. I don't know her that well as she has only called occasionally even though I've been with her dad for 9 years, it's making me very anxious. I feel like I have to say yes coz I'd do the same for my kids but it's putting a massive strain on our relationship also how much per week should I charge her for rent? I'm annoyed coz I wasn't involved in the discussion she asked her dad, he said yes and then didn't tell me for months until I overheard a convo between them discussing bedroom furniture. I feel like splitting up and getting my own place, my heads in a whirl.

I agree, how unpleasant. My adult DC can live with us if they want to. It's a family home, not a shared rental.

I'm going to agree with pp, and say this is more than a question of rent, but the lack of consultation.
I really feel sorry for the daughter.

Do you jointly own the property? Is the house solely in your names? I can totally get why you are upset they he did not consult you. But what is a father supposed to say to an 18 year old? Technically, speaking, she should have already had a home with her father. It would sounds like you are all strangers.

It sounds like you’ve got some serious relationship problems so whether she pays rent or not is pretty irrelevant at this point.

Ask yourself honestly, if it was one of your own children, would you have done the same as your partner?

You need to sit your partner down and tell him that it’s not ok to make big decisions without discussing it with you first. Make it clear that had the shoe been on the other foot, you’d have wanted to talk it over with him first before agreeing to anything, assuming that is the case.

If depends how much she earns. At 18, I doubt she earns much. How long has she been in full time work?

She has worked part-time for a year while at college so now she has left she has gone full-time and earns £400 per week, she is looking at starting an apprenticeship but not until next year, she gets lots of help from her grandparents and parents who bought her a car, paid for her insurance, pay for her phone etc.

It's not the rent, though - have you had a conversation about not being consulted?

100% I know I would have discussed it, my children are grown up and have there own homes but if they needed me I would always speak to him first, I check it's OK before I invite my grandkids for a sleepover but that's how I think relationships should be - open and honest. I realise he was probably apprehensive about my response but not telling me has made my response much worse.

We had a big argument when it first happened because I was furious at the way I found out, he has admitted he didn't know how to tell me so he buried his head but it still annoys me everytime I think about it because he was so cowardly and we are supposed to be a partnership.

I can understand that. You must be very annoyed. I also feel sorry for the girl, though. It's not an easy situation. Maybe not ask her for rent, she's not a lodger. How about a contribution to the food shop?

Love how your main concern is how much money you can get out of this.
Charging rent is not the only way to teach financial independence.
Poor kid. I would never charge.

Because I didn't have kids so they could pay my bills.
Young people have it tough enough these days

@Fininin because they're family, she's not in a Hall of Residence or a shared house.

Especially at 18!

'She has worked part-time for a year while at college so now she has left she has gone full-time and earns £400 per week'

She takes home £1600 a month at 18? Well I'd get her to save half towards future accommodation be it mortgage or rental and live on the other half to include social life, clothes toiletries etc.

Why not work out how much her presence will increase your costs? Split your utilities cost, food etc in two, that is how much you and dh cost each, reasonably, three people will cost about 150% of current costs. Don't include mortgage and council tax that is existing costs just things that will increase. This feels justifiable. Use this as a starting point for the amount.

I don't think it's unreasonable to charge her. If she was still in education no I don't think you should charge but she is a working adult.

I assure you my main concern is not the money. Sounds like your perfect and have everything worked out 🙌🙄

What kind of step mother do you want to be? She's his daughter, of course she can move in at any time with no notice and your job is to welcome her.

I would charge her £200pcm. I think a lot of people expressing their intent to never charge offspring rent are well off and can afford to pay for their children post 18. As a single parent, working but also getting universal credit I would struggle to find the money for food and other expenses that another adult would incur.

I'm entitled to be apprehensive and anxious about a situation that will turn my life upside down, we are all entitled to be happy.

I think if you're that apprehensive and unhappy, have another conversation with your husband about it. This really doesn't bode well.

It doesn't say she's on UC. Plus she's not a single parent. She's not even the parent.

OK. At what point does that change? 30? 40?

Would you expect any other adult to move into their parents' house and not pay rent?

You are entitled to feel unhappy and anxious about this.

But parenting doesn’t end at 18. Her dad needs to look after her and discussing her moving in wouldn’t have changed things. He would have had to let her move in anyway.

She really is very young. I have an 18yo and lots of my friends have similarly aged children. In no universe would any of us kick them out.

Why are you imagining it will pay your bills? There's a difference between wanting a contribution to the additional costs of having another adult live there and making a profit from them.