Step-daughter moving in. How much rent?

[Fandabydosy]

HELP, my partners daughter is 18, her mum is moving away so she wants to move in with us, it's just me and him and I like my own space. I don't know her that well as she has only called occasionally even though I've been with her dad for 9 years, it's making me very anxious. I feel like I have to say yes coz I'd do the same for my kids but it's putting a massive strain on our relationship also how much per week should I charge her for rent? I'm annoyed coz I wasn't involved in the discussion she asked her dad, he said yes and then didn't tell me for months until I overheard a convo between them discussing bedroom furniture. I feel like splitting up and getting my own place, my heads in a whirl.

My Son and his fiancée have moved back home after finishing their degrees.

They both have jobs one works now, the other starts in October.

They will be paying me £100 per month each.

They are saving for their wedding (booked for Sept 25). So the amount they are paying me will enable them to save for the wedding.

They are excellent with budgeting. They have finished university with no debt, not even an overdraft (apart from student loans)

I don't know her that well as she has only called occasionally even though I've been with her dad for 9 years,

Why didn't you call her?

I don't "expect" anything. I would imagine sensible people make decisions based on discussion. I never charged mine because I wanted them to save. They're brilliant with finances now. The issue here is an 18 year old girl who needs a home and the step mother doesn't seem to have been consulted.

tell your husband that the day she moves in you are moving out. Why? Because obviously your opinion about who stays in YOUR HOUSE doesn't mean anything so evidently it isn't your house so you have no reason to be there. File a legal separation so any bills he runs up or credit he ruins will be his sole responsibility, not yours as his wife. I would not even worry about it but put my energy into finding a place for me to live away from such an inconsiderate self-centered boob of a partner.

This is nonsense. This is OP's house - Presumably her name is on the paperwork. That means that she gets a fair amount equal say about who moves in to the house. Her DH's wants do not trump her own.

She's perfectly within her rights to just outright say no (which she hasn't) - her opinion is equally as valid as his. He has additional responsibilities, it's true and he would be in a sticky situation for sure. But those responsibilities are for him to work out, not for him to use as a flaming sword to dictate all the decisions in a household.

No you're not.

@Fandabydosy, my son is 17 he pays us £10 a week at the moment. In September, he will be starting an apprenticeship, so he will be paying £30 a week, and his phone contact.
The plan is to save half for him to have back once he's ready to move out.

You sound like a bit of an idiot tbh. It's not "my job" to be anything and I'm entitled to have feelings, why comment on posts with unhelpful comments 🙄

What patronising rubbish. It's not anyone's 'job' to accept another adult moving in without any discussion or consultation.

She has worked part-time for a year while at college so now she has left she has gone full-time and earns £400 per week, she is looking at starting an apprenticeship but not until next year, she gets lots of help from her grandparents and parents who bought her a car, paid for her insurance, pay for her phone etc.

In that case, I'd suggest £200 per month seems fair. Encourage her to save as well. If after a few months it seems likes shes just spending everything on going out, clothes, alcohol, I'd take a bit more and put it aside for her.

If she gets an apprenticeship next year, her wage may go down, so I'd reassess then.

I think you definitely need to have a chat with your partner to make sure you're on the same page with everything before anything becomes an issue. Hopefully she's a nice, respectful young woman anyway, but things like letting her know everyone tidies up after themselves, keeps the noise down if coming home late etc. I don't have step kids but I do have young adult kids at home and they cook once a week for everyone and muck in with housework.

I hope it all goes well. His daughter will probably feel a little apprehensive as well so could actually bond over that. Good luck.

You just said what I was going to say @Fandabydosy . It is not 'your job' to do anything and you are totally valid in your feelings. I would sit with your partner to discuss board, rules etc before you both have a chat with your dsd. You want to be on the same team. You have every right to be involved in decisions regarding your home. Only an idiot would think otherwise.

Honestly OP I would see this as the beginning of the end of your relationship and I would be looking at getting the house valued.
His not telling you is spectacularly disrespectful and dismissive of you in your home.
I don't believe there is any coming back from that.
You need to protect yourself.
By not telling you he has already ganged up on you with her.
You most certainly are NOT a team so you can forget that.
Do the math as to what your finances are like.
Bills should be divided in 3 with him paying her share.
His actions are so deceitful I would be completely rethinking the relationship.
Protect yourself, you are neither his concern nor priority.
He is extremely manipulative and dishonest to have allowed you to find out by chance, months after he agreed to it.
He is a complete liar, so beware.

Our DS will always have a home here, a free home here at that, no matter what.

If he is still at home in early 20s with no sign of moving out maybe we will "charge" rent go save for him, but his family home will always be where one of us is, and its free.

Yes your boyfriend should have consulted you, but let's be honest, it would have been a fake consultation as the answer to his daughter, rightly so, should be yes, you always have a home with me.

Oh and on the plus side at least you know the rules now... no more asking permission for your grandchildren to stay over!

That's not really very helpful when OP has said they both want to charge something.

Once they're working full time, contributing to food and electricity that they'll be using is hardly terrible.

The OP is not and won't be any kind of stepmother. She is not married to the father of the prospective lodger and the young lady is an adult.

My 19 year old pays £200 per month . He decided he wanted to leave college and get a job, at which point all my child related benefits for him stopped.

He hasn't actually managed to get a job though. So he gets £300 UC. He pays me £200 which is for his share of everything. And then he pays his own phone bill.

That was his suggested amount, and he plans to up it when he gets a job.

I'm genuinely interested so I hope this doesn't come across as goading - I admire your sentiment and you are welcome to have it, even though mine is different but I suspect so are our lives.

What happens if your son gets to his late 20s? Or older - and is still living with you? Will you still pay for all his bills? Would that be a massive drain on your own finances, savings for retirement etc while he accumulates thousands in the bank?

And what if he were to not respect your rules as an adult? Not cleaning up etc?

I think charge her £50 as a token, but have a proper word with her dad, about how hurt and upset you felt about him not discussing this with you at all.

It's hard to share your life with someone who comes with baggage. Have a short term plan you have received good advice on how to deal with it. She has to pay rent but she also has to make plans for her future so she can move out. You have to stress this or tell your dp his daughter has to live with her mother.

Ah that's so sweet he will probably be right beside until you die. I have a funny feeling that's what you want. There is mother's out there who don't want their adult children to leave home.

Tell her to go somewhere like a supermarket, they pretty much all pay a living wage now. £400/week take home is terrible but it could be worse at her age I suppose.

I can't be the only one who feels desperately sorry for the daughter. Still a teenager, her own mother can't be arsed with her, and her step mother is begrudging her a bedroom in her own Dad's house.

Of course he should have asked you OP, but realistically, he was never going to say no, was he? No half decent parent would. And no, I don't think an 18 year old should be charged rent unless you absolutely need the money.

She's an adult and it's not just the dad's house, it's op's house too. She's equally, if not more entitled, to be considered, seeing as she pays for the house too 🙄

This whole thread is unbelievable.

OP is with a partner who has a child. 18 years old now yes, but still his child. She's had a lovely quiet 9 years without this child really impacting on her life at all. Now the child needs a place to live and some parental support and OP is spitting the dummy!

It isn't about how much rent she pays, it's about her jacking it all in because her partner is stepping up for once.

I have friends in their 60s who are having to make space in their small house for their 33 year old son AND his child for a year or so due to a relationship break up. You don't get to be a parent for 18 years only and you don't get to be a step parent until the child of your partner is 18 years only either.