Step-daughter moving in. How much rent?

[Fandabydosy]

HELP, my partners daughter is 18, her mum is moving away so she wants to move in with us, it's just me and him and I like my own space. I don't know her that well as she has only called occasionally even though I've been with her dad for 9 years, it's making me very anxious. I feel like I have to say yes coz I'd do the same for my kids but it's putting a massive strain on our relationship also how much per week should I charge her for rent? I'm annoyed coz I wasn't involved in the discussion she asked her dad, he said yes and then didn't tell me for months until I overheard a convo between them discussing bedroom furniture. I feel like splitting up and getting my own place, my heads in a whirl.

Why wow? I'm not in a position to pay for an adult who has an income, my 17year old is looking at doing an apprenticeship and I've told her she will have to contribute

How will she ever save for a house deposit or rental if you are so tight?

When kids have jobs we stop paying for their social lives and their phones etc so we are better off in some ways. You don't charge a 17 or18yr old, no doubt on minimum wage, 'rent'.

Yes if they're still at home at 30 earning 40k of course a contribution is then required. Not at 17 or 18.

I don't think people working full time should see wages as pocket money, tbh. It's one thing if you can afford it and they are saving, but often neither of those things apply.

We didn't charge any of our DCs rent.

I appreciate that if you can't otherwise afford to keep them and they have an income, then that's different.

It's so hard for today's young adults to become independent without a bit of help to get there. Rent, mortgages and the cost of living mean they're staying with parents longer than ever, and if they have to pay rent to their parents, it will be longer still.

So long as ours were sensible with money, and saving up a reasonable amount, we didn't want to take money off them for rent and food. If they'd been rubbish with money management we would have no doubt decided to charge them rent to help them learn a lesson (but would have saved it up and given it back when they moved out).

I'll repeat though - we could afford to do that and I appreciate that isn't the same for everyone.

I think I’d charge about £150 per month at that age.
My DC are 24 and 25 and I charge them £250 per month. They still manage to save lots of money each month.

I think it would be quite mean
To charge an 18 year old rent tbh

This!

Deal breaker for me too. Not her moving in per se, but the lack of discussion beforehand & consideration of my feelings altogether.

If she is done with her education, 30% of her income should go towards “rent”. He really should put as much of that money as possible, if not all of it, into savings for her for when she moves out.

the goal should be to help her learn to budget.

I can only understand charging a teen, or even an older child, for two reasons.

one, you’re broke and can’t afford to support them so need to ask your children for money, edited to add and only ask for as much as extra it costs you, never profit,
two, you want to save it for them and then give it back when they move out.

personally I’d not charge otherwise, some people are posting on here like their kids are strangers, lodgers renting a room.

personally I’d not charge otherwise, some people are posting on here like their kids are strangers, lodgers renting a room.

I disagree with that, my 24 year old earns over 45k per year, he definitely should be contributing to the household expenses.

That’s fine, as far as I’m concerned your child should only pay as much extra as it costs you, or if you’re going to save it and give it back. Profiting out your own kid is not something I can get behind.

Depends on her salary. At minimum wage and full time hours I would say £175 a month up to £225 for a salary of 25k. I wouldn’t go over asking for £225 a month.

How is it being tight? I will lose cb and uc if she starts working but none of the bills will go down, while she continues.to live at home. I barely earn over min wage and can't work full time as I'm an unpaid carer for my disabled dad and husband.
I earn 14k a year and am the only earner in our 4 person household.

my 22 year old lives at home, she pays £110 a month in rent. I know there was a reason why we came to that amount, but i'm fairly sure we didn't charge rent until she was working full time. (in fact i remember now.. when DH's kids were at home, jobless etc they paid £25 a week in rent, that amount went down if they got a job, which they never did, so when we discussed my daughters rent it was agreed that her amount was the same however its never gone down and she's never ever claimed benefits).. sorry for rambling there

and its such a little amount purely because its important for young adults to realise that nothing everything in life is free or that they are entitled too. She has asked for her own fridge and her own cupboard spaces and she does her own shopping and cooking, she is responsible for keeping her own spaces clean and tidy (bedroom and bathroom), we do her laundry only because its easy enough a chore to do and we also pay her mobile phone bill.. (again, shes now just been promoted at work and will be earning more than me, so has been told when her contract is due for renewal, she will have to pay it moving forwards).

all the money she has paid us has gone into a savings account and when she is at the point of moving out, she will be given it to help her on her way.

rent aside.. this is also a golden opportunitiy to get to know your step daughter! you can right any wrongs from the past 9 years?

I assume your own children are grown up and left home, if one of those needed a roof i assume there would be no questions, and they could come home whenever they want, so why not HIS child

Why do you barely know her when you've been together since she was nine? How involved is her dad in her life?

He can't say no but it's crazy he didn't tell you.

Do you jointly own the house?

I wouldn't ask for rent as she's only 18 unless you really need the money.

She’s not lodging there. This is her dad’s home and it will be her home. Do you lodge in your house?

There is no ‘they’ at fault here. DD spoke to her dad - she did the right thing. Dad should have spoken to his girlfriend before making a decision, at least as a diplomatic show of consultation. At the very least he should have told OP immediately after agreeing DD could move in.

DP has been a cowardly prat totally burying his head in the sand. He alone has created this situation.

if her dad had been an active parent, there would be no question of whether or not an 18yo could live at home. His home is her home, or at least it should be. The only question at hand is how much a person who has left education should contribute to the household. Pushing a responsible 18yo out the door is despicable and that is what dad would be doing if she does not move in.

Don't charge rent. It will just delay her being able to get her own place - which is what you want anyway.

18 though, wow! I am in the states and I was just starting 12th grade at 18.

She's an adult. My parents home is no longer my home. If I lived there I would indeed be a lodger.

I wouldn't charge an 18 year old rent out of spite.
Move out if you must but that is your husband's daughter. What an unhealthy attitude to have against your own family.

@Fandabydosy Your OH has handled this situation appallingly. You and DD will both be in a really awkward situation initially when she moves in unless you can build some kind of relationship.

Is there a chance for you to get to know each other before she moves in? Perhaps go for a coffee at first and then a few dinners with or without DP. Or invite her over to see her room?

Unless you need the money, I would ask for 30% of her take home and put it into a savings account for her.

Lots of PP saying she is an adult but 18 is still very young and very few young people of that age would be living in a HMO so those comparisons are slightly erroneous. As is asking what she would do if she didn’t have a family, because she does have family and it isn’t a race to the bottom in terms of making life unnecessarily hard.

The most important thing now is for the two of you to develop a relationship and for all three of you to agree ground rules. A good starting point for rules is what would you expect of your DC.

She’s 18. My parents home was my home until I left home and set up on my own. I’m sorry your parents made you feel like a lodger as a teenager. That was cruel of them.

I love this response 👏 so many great replies and really interesting to get different perspectives. I think I will give it a go as suggested maybe 6 months and see how we all feel, at the end of the day life is short and we all have the right to be happy whether thats together or apart. I will definitely be asking her to pay rent as I payed from starting work and so did my own children, I don't understand people not asking for some form of contribution. She did have the option of going with her mum but at this age friends are more important. The idea of her paying the water bill/electricity seems like a good idea to me to stop the long showers 😁