I feel resentment everyday with my girlfriend. Time to break up?

[LuckyPinkFish]

I've been in a relationship with my for 6 years now and for the past 3 years i have been dealing with resentment of my relationship, my girlfriend brought 3 cats without even consulting me i feel so resentful when i have to take care of them at times... she also got herself into debt which has caused us to put our lifes on hold and me having to pay some of her debt off to quicken the process. I have been thinking of breaking up for over a year on and off because i just can't deal with this resentment... i feel it isn't the life i chose but was decided for by her. Overall our relationship is pretty good we spend time together etc but i just cant shake this feeling i see a therapist every 2 weeks for this reason but nothing has worked.

I am 28 and she is 29 we live currently with her mum which is extremely difficult to deal with at times however the debt situation has really meant this has prolonged us living here longer and longer.

I wonder if theres a way of me not feeling this way about owing her a explanation

An explanation for what? Moving out or breaking up? Because those are two different things.

Move out first. Your explanation is that you never planned or agreed to live with her mother forever. You want to be independent. You are approaching 30 and you want your own place.

This is not something anyone can argue against. If she does, just repeat 'I am at that age now where I want my own place'. Whatever she says, just repeat that phrase. It's called the broken record strategy to use when someone is not listening to you.

If she asks to move out with you, tell her you will talk about that later as there would be several things to agree but for now you are moving out on your own because 'I am at that age where I want my own place'.

That's it. Grab your stuff and leave. Then come back here and let us know how it went. I bet it won't be half as bad as you are imagining.

Yeah that makes really good sense each bullet point. Why do i see it as a thing though where "she isn't so bad" "she does have good points too" "its just her impulsiveness but thats over now because shes changing" am i crazy?

Not crazy, everyone has their good points it doesn't mean they are the right person for you.

She doesn't listen to you, she dismisses your concerns, she doesn't even take responsibility for her own actions i.e. her debts and cats. That will never change for as long as you are together.

Every PP on this thread has listened to you and taken your situation and your feelings into consideration way more than your DP has ever done. She really doesn't deserve your consideration or worry, she certainly doesn't deserve your love.

You’re being silly now. You’ve had loads of advice about this, take it. Use it.

So ten weeks and eleven pages of everyone saying the same thing.............

............. and he's still living there.

I'm out. I'm hiding this thread.

'"she isn't so bad" "she does have good points too"

will you be repeating that to yourself whilst you are cleaning out the cat litter tray

will you be repeating that to yourself every time you donate £500 towards her debts

£500 is £6000 a year - how long have you paid towards her debts
how large are these debts
are you 100% she is actually paying them off

move out regain your independence regain your wages
find someone else one day

MOVE OUT

you have had this other place since last Sunday, it is £600 a month

OP, I say this as gently and nicely as possible - you need to make a decision. Nobody else can make it for you. Nobody else can tell you what you should do.

You are circling around the "what if". What you need to remember is what got you to where you are now in the first place. You aren't happy - if you were, then you would not have started this thread in the first place. What's motivating you now is the fear of the unknown - which is why you are now thinking "is it so bad / what if I'm making a mistake" etc.

But only you can decide whether you need to go or not.

Good luck.

Okay thank you again everyone who contributed i feel like this thread has probably run its cause now and i don't want to waste anyones time or concern anymore than i have already. Please take my thanks and appreciation i hope every single person who has contributed knows how grateful i am and with huge kindness that you have all shown. I won't be posting on this thread anymore unless there is drastic change.

Thank you all again for your help and take care all of you amazing people

@LuckyPinkFish

so you are not going to move out,
and you are going to continue paying her debt/s,
and continue to resent the cats
and
pay £600 in rent elsewhere...

all because
you can't tell her it's over
and
you might be lonely

Good Luck @LuckyPinkFish I hope it works out for you. do let us know how you get on.

Ah, sorry that you're going to carry on like this.

It's your life, you can do what you want. You said you have a counselling session tomorrow so I hope you can make some progress there but it looks like you are resigned to your life of unhappiness so... I don't know. Good luck, I guess?

@LuckyPinkFish

Are you still with your girlfriend and living in her mother's home ?

Are you still paying rent for the other place or did you give a month's notice ?

@LuckyPinkFish

It's now a few days and one year since you began this thread.

I believe you have an update...