'Forgot' to text me last night - find out this morning a single girl is at the house?

[janniebxoxox]

Sorry I have rewritten this post as the last one was worded bad:

I just want some validation on whether i am in the wrong here please ladies and gents! happy saturday lol

Fiance was meant to be going to his friends house for the weekend with another friend and his friends wife. The friends wife didn't end up going because her sister is having relationship problems. Anyway, they went and last night I could tell my fiance was really drunk, videos on IG of shots, dancing etc. Still I kept my cool and didn't get annoyed. I am working away at the minute so communication really means a lot to me. Anyway, we ALWAYS say goodnight/goodmorning for 2 years we always have, rarely forget unless he is plastered drunk. I wake up this morning and no text, but I go onto IG and the wife has put a video up of them all laughing and joking setting off fireworks at 3am... so I call my partner at 3.30 (he is 5 hours behind) and no answer. must be asleep. So I send a argumentative kinda text saying thanks for the text, im going to do that to you tonight then if thats how we act (childish ino my bad)

He wakes up and automatically starts on the defensive saying i called him in the middle of the night (3.30 and he went to bed at 3 is hardly middle of night) and that im crazy blablabla its his friends sister, and is he not allowed to be around his friends mum who is 60 now and "do i hear myself" i reiterate he didnt text me and he always does and he says he didnt because i was asleep and he just forgot. made me feel better :/ not

Anyway I just go on the girls IG and shes deleted all photos of her bf so completely single... great! he is staying there again tonight (even tho he said he might be back friday night or saturday morning) and when i ask why he wouldn't just spend the day there and come home he said because he planned to stay. Now, I am planning to go over my friends house and I might stay over, and he really doesn't want me too and said stupid things like "good go share a room with one of her male friends". I don't see the difference, if he is around females then surely i can stay at my friends house with males around?

Am I wrong? Should he compromise and come home to please me? should i force him to come home? he wouldn't anyway. I feel i am never listened too, am i being unrealistic though with this example and being crazy? All i wanted was some validation and an apology, he said why would he apologise when he has done nothing wrong and now saying i ruin everything i dont want him to ever have fun...

You must feel like you're overreacting if you were embarrassed that your fiance shared your reaction with his friend, right?

They were nearly touching but weren’t, if he wanted to touch her legs and she wanted to touch his then I’m sure they would have.

You seem to be really concerned about this. It sounds like he was hanging out with friends and you’re looking for an argument. From my experience, arguing over the idea of something happening can push the other person to actually doing something. Soon he will think there’s no point as you don’t believe him anyway.

Take some time to focus on yourself, what are you actually getting from this relationship? Are there any plans to stay in the same location?

Wow. You got mad because he was drinking and dancing, why?

you got really mad when he didn’t text you.

you got furious when he didn’t answer your 3.30am call half hour after he went to bed, and incandescent when you realised there was a single woman in the vicinity?

you sound like very hard work, and now he’s responding in kind not wanting you to go out where there might be a single man in the distance? Sounds draining on both sides

If you trust him what's the problem? Do you think he'll be sexually assaulted by an untrustworthy single female?

Look, with the right relationship and healthy mindset you wouldn't care at all about your partner forgetting to text first on occasion because he was busy messing about with friends having fun. You would trust him around a single woman in the same house if you had no particular reason not to. You wouldn't be checking SM, calling at all hours and starting an argument. It doesn't sound like he is relaxed and trusting either and both of your behaviour is breeding more mistrust. To me this suggests not a healthy relationship.

I would trust my partner with anyone in a social/work/hobby setting. Could be the Miss World of his niche MN hobby. Obviously he is a fully functioning male who could have sex with someone else. But I don't go around suspicious of that happening. If it did, he would be out on his arse. But being suspicious and ringing at stupid o'clock when apart will not make a happy and comfortable relationship or prevent that from happening. You need to do some work on yourself and find someone who makes you comfortable in sharing the benefit of the doubt. And stop living your life online. This level of surveillance when your partner is out is crazy.

So the drama continues, you don't trust him dump him.

OP still hasn't told us how old she is. I'm guessing 14.

I'd dump you like a bucket of hot sick if I was him. This whole "drama" sounds insane and you are so OTT it's a wonder you're still together.

Mind you - he seems as bad.

Yeah true he does. Wonder which one of them started this weird dynamic first.

You are both acting childish and should not be in the relationship, you're not making each other happy

Read your update - my god, I couldn't live like this! Going over instagram posts and judging the distance his leg is away from hers - madness!

The relationship is doomed for one or more of these reasons:
(a) You're both incredibly young (and/or immature) and insecure, and incapable of having an adult relationship.
(b) Both or one of you is untrustworthy and you know it.
(c) Your relationship is built on nothing but empty physicality - an incredibly shaky foundations, which means you each feel you could easily be ousted by someone else the other person would like to shag.

(Yes, sex and attraction are important. But you should have more faith in your connection than to think that a single woman being near your partner will make him cheat on you. He shouldn't be arguing the toss with you, or being weird/secretive/hypocritical, but the whole thing is just so messed up that that's just one issue in th bigger picture.)

Normal grown ups don’t do all this weird shit!! My DP would rather scoop out his own eyeballs than go on a drunk bender and crash at a mates! Drunk people letting off fireworks at 3am… sounds like something you’d see on Eatenders. You both sound hard work.

OP are you practicing for a series of <shudders> Love Island?

Spot on. It seems like the OP's life and expectations are shaped by this kind of TV/social media.

I really hope she sees that another way of living is possible! Plenty of us are doing it. It's quite nice. Join us.

The reason he is controlling with you and doesn't trust other guys, is because he is that type of guy and does flirt or whatever with others. The most jealous and controlling men are using themselves as a yardstick. They know what they would get up to given half the chance so they think everyone else, including you, would do the same.
In this situation, no amount of moderating your behaviour will make him less jealous, or stop him cracking onto others when opportunity knocks. It's classic transference, it's tedious, it's unnecessary grief and you should live your life as you like and dump him when he kicks off about it.
He's got you that tied up and anxious that the lack of a goodnight text makes you lose it, then IG stalk a woman you know was present- yes, a woman, it's very odd of you to call her a 'bird', and telling of your opinion of her.
You have ended up in a cycle of jealousy, both of you fearful when either of you are in the presence of the opposite sex. Really it's not about others, it's lack of trust in each other you have, others don't matter.its all childish and tiresome, you should end it already and find someone healthy and not controlling.

Think how much easier the OP’s life would be if she ditched him.

Or if she deleted all of her social media.
🤣