'Forgot' to text me last night - find out this morning a single girl is at the house?

[janniebxoxox]

Sorry I have rewritten this post as the last one was worded bad:

I just want some validation on whether i am in the wrong here please ladies and gents! happy saturday lol

Fiance was meant to be going to his friends house for the weekend with another friend and his friends wife. The friends wife didn't end up going because her sister is having relationship problems. Anyway, they went and last night I could tell my fiance was really drunk, videos on IG of shots, dancing etc. Still I kept my cool and didn't get annoyed. I am working away at the minute so communication really means a lot to me. Anyway, we ALWAYS say goodnight/goodmorning for 2 years we always have, rarely forget unless he is plastered drunk. I wake up this morning and no text, but I go onto IG and the wife has put a video up of them all laughing and joking setting off fireworks at 3am... so I call my partner at 3.30 (he is 5 hours behind) and no answer. must be asleep. So I send a argumentative kinda text saying thanks for the text, im going to do that to you tonight then if thats how we act (childish ino my bad)

He wakes up and automatically starts on the defensive saying i called him in the middle of the night (3.30 and he went to bed at 3 is hardly middle of night) and that im crazy blablabla its his friends sister, and is he not allowed to be around his friends mum who is 60 now and "do i hear myself" i reiterate he didnt text me and he always does and he says he didnt because i was asleep and he just forgot. made me feel better :/ not

Anyway I just go on the girls IG and shes deleted all photos of her bf so completely single... great! he is staying there again tonight (even tho he said he might be back friday night or saturday morning) and when i ask why he wouldn't just spend the day there and come home he said because he planned to stay. Now, I am planning to go over my friends house and I might stay over, and he really doesn't want me too and said stupid things like "good go share a room with one of her male friends". I don't see the difference, if he is around females then surely i can stay at my friends house with males around?

Am I wrong? Should he compromise and come home to please me? should i force him to come home? he wouldn't anyway. I feel i am never listened too, am i being unrealistic though with this example and being crazy? All i wanted was some validation and an apology, he said why would he apologise when he has done nothing wrong and now saying i ruin everything i dont want him to ever have fun...

This with bells on.

He sets the rules and you comply - fuck that. Hes a controlling wanker with double standards. And it won’t better - the rules will get stricter until you’re barely allowed to take a shit without his permission.

Is it school holidays already?

I’d just be happy that my bloke had friends he was happy with and was spending the night there!! So many (men especially imo) don’t bother with their “friendship” side of a relationship when they are in one… though I am biased and desperate for my partner to bugger off for a night so I can watch tv in peace and eat what I want!! lol

I don't think either of you is ready to be married.

@Iloveburgerswaymorethanishould thanks for making me laugh! Be careful what u wish for eh haha

If it was 3-3:30 his time then he's right it was the middle of the night.

So I send an argumentative kinda text.

You caused it.

If you can't trust him, don't get married.

If you need to play mind games, don't get married.

If you want to get married, grow the fuck up.

Not sure either of your are mature enough to be in a relationship tbh

This relationship is an absolute joke.

You are controlling and argumentative and pretty obsessive (you went on this girls SM 🙄).

You should have sent him a text telling him to have a good night and to not worry about texting you.
Instead you phoned him starting an argument because he didn’t text you and are jealous and paranoid about another woman.

Its the most childish thing I’ve ever heard.

I hope you are both very young.

I think this is the time when one of you needs to wake up and realise that this relationship doesn’t work and it sounds like neither of you even like each other.

End the relationship and find someone more compatible.

You don’t trust him
He is indignant and feels badgered
He is behaving like a petulant teen
You are being reactive and controlling and playing silly games.
This is all exhausting

I’m sorry you’re feeling hurt + angry - that’s an understandable reaction If you don’t trust him and it seems like he doesn’t prioritise taking care of your feelings.

your reaction to him - the passive aggressive text messages + the playing ‘boundary chicken’ with your male friends is not going to make you feel good in hindsight.

listen to your gut. It seems like it’s telling you something here. You’re not comfortable, you don’t feel safe, you’re being anxious + reactive. Is this the life partner you want? The person who would be signing up to do sickness and heath and possibly the exhaustion of child raising?

or do you have wider trust and abandonment fears that might be worked on with a therapist?

the internet can’t tell you whether your lens on one night is reasonable or not.

I hope, when you’ve taken a moment to breathe + really listen to yourself, that you can trust yourself to make a good decision about whether this is right for you. And if it is right - how are you going to work on you to feel safe as well as him offering support.

You both sound pathetic and you both need to grow up 🙄

How old are you out of interest? This may have been something I’d been upset about in my much younger days (20ish)

Just dump him. This relationship is going nowhere.

What was it about this relationship that made either of you think it was a good basis for a marriage?

You sound immature and neither of you trust or respect each other.

I'd be fine with this. He's either trustworthy or he's not

Oh god almighty. This is all just so, so pathetic op, I’m sorry to be harsh, but you’ll look back on this one day (when the relationship is long since over) and cringe. You’re both argumentative and controlling and clearly neither trusts the other. It’s a shitshow, frankly.

Controlling, immature, dramatic, needy and unreasonable.

finding out a single bird is sleeping there too

🙄

you are right. he does feel badgered. he does act like a teen. i dont help. i am reactive and im practicing and really working on myself to not be reactive. it is exhausting. i am trying to comminicate my needs better - but i feel more annoyed that he wouldnt like this treatment done to him. ur right im not comfortable and i dont feel safe, not to do with this girl though, i think wider issues at bay. i wish he made me feel safe, i try to tell him what i need in these moments but he always gets so defensive.

@anxioussister i hope that with my calmer communication i can also help him approach me differently, its definately a work in progress. sigh . he has definately made me reactive though, i only acted like this with 1 other partner and i have had 4 serious bfs

He is definitely shagging her.
Time to LTB and move on.

Sounds like your both controlling and have some issues of your own to resolve separately.

As for your original question no I wouldn't be bothered my husband has female friends who shock horror are also single.

What did dramatic people do before mobile phones?
He was out with other people. No need to be badgering him or stalking him on apps. You’re creating something unnecessarily.
Personally I couldn’t forgive him for the 3AM fireworks. Who does that? !

You both sound about 16, maybe it is best to do some maturing first before dating and I say thus as advice not criticism