'Forgot' to text me last night - find out this morning a single girl is at the house?

[janniebxoxox]

Sorry I have rewritten this post as the last one was worded bad:

I just want some validation on whether i am in the wrong here please ladies and gents! happy saturday lol

Fiance was meant to be going to his friends house for the weekend with another friend and his friends wife. The friends wife didn't end up going because her sister is having relationship problems. Anyway, they went and last night I could tell my fiance was really drunk, videos on IG of shots, dancing etc. Still I kept my cool and didn't get annoyed. I am working away at the minute so communication really means a lot to me. Anyway, we ALWAYS say goodnight/goodmorning for 2 years we always have, rarely forget unless he is plastered drunk. I wake up this morning and no text, but I go onto IG and the wife has put a video up of them all laughing and joking setting off fireworks at 3am... so I call my partner at 3.30 (he is 5 hours behind) and no answer. must be asleep. So I send a argumentative kinda text saying thanks for the text, im going to do that to you tonight then if thats how we act (childish ino my bad)

He wakes up and automatically starts on the defensive saying i called him in the middle of the night (3.30 and he went to bed at 3 is hardly middle of night) and that im crazy blablabla its his friends sister, and is he not allowed to be around his friends mum who is 60 now and "do i hear myself" i reiterate he didnt text me and he always does and he says he didnt because i was asleep and he just forgot. made me feel better :/ not

Anyway I just go on the girls IG and shes deleted all photos of her bf so completely single... great! he is staying there again tonight (even tho he said he might be back friday night or saturday morning) and when i ask why he wouldn't just spend the day there and come home he said because he planned to stay. Now, I am planning to go over my friends house and I might stay over, and he really doesn't want me too and said stupid things like "good go share a room with one of her male friends". I don't see the difference, if he is around females then surely i can stay at my friends house with males around?

Am I wrong? Should he compromise and come home to please me? should i force him to come home? he wouldn't anyway. I feel i am never listened too, am i being unrealistic though with this example and being crazy? All i wanted was some validation and an apology, he said why would he apologise when he has done nothing wrong and now saying i ruin everything i dont want him to ever have fun...

Couldn’t be past 15.

Generally OP people don’t change. It sounds like it’s not a combination that’s working - you’re reactive and untrusting, he’s not giving you what you need. I stayed in a relationship for ages “trying to make it work”. I shouldn’t have, we weren’t compatible. Now I’m with someone I’m compatible with, trying hard or changing myself/him isn’t necessary! We just have a lovely time. Life’s too short 💐

Oh jeez. He doesn’t care about you sadly. This is very depressing. This is not a man who will look out for you, care for you, have your back. An emotional desert. No wonder you’re insecure. He’s told you who he is - believe him.

Single bird? It’s not 1970. So his friend should have sent his sister packing?
Neither of you like the other staying anywhere that someone single might be - you’re both ridiculously unreasonable.

Crikey you both sound like hard work OP. You’ve both got a lot of growing up to do. This is not a healthy relationship.

I couldn't be bothered caring about things like this. Just let him do what he wants and if he cheats on you break up with him. Easy

Yes you’re overreacting big time and your whole relationship sounds very immature and dramatic. I definitely couldn’t be bothered with any of that. Calling someone at 3.30am is in the middle of the night and it’s totally unhinged to get worked up about someone’s relationship status. Either you trust him or you don’t.

Getting shitfaced and posting it on instagram is also immature so your bf doesn’t sound much better.

Grow up...
Yes, you overreacted and seem to just be tit for tat

lol a single bird? How old are you because I don’t think I’ve heard women referred to as birds since about 1999 or so? And no I wouldn’t give a shit about her relationship status. If he’s going to cheat on you, he will. No amount of rules and shouting at him will stop that. You clearly don’t trust him so just break up already.

Neither of you trusts the other. So its not gonna work. The i dont trust other guys line though is projecting. He is saying he cant be trusted.

Dump and move on...

This does not sound like a healthy, adult relationship. You don't trust him and he sets double standards. Surely there's no future in this.

Also, "single bird" 🤔

Life shouldn’t be this dramatic. Something is obviously not working for you two. Tit for tat is not my bag. For both your sakes just spilt up.

You're both too young to be getting married.

This reads like a teen drama or reality TV spat.

Stop living through Instagram, postpone the wedding and both of you grow up a bit first.

And watch the drinking.

OP, it reads as completely toxic.
I think you know in your gut something is off with this relationship.
You don't feel loved and cherished.
You are starting out in life.
Don't settle for so little.
You are going to bitterly regret it if you do.

Or "birds".

He has definately made me more clingy, he treated me fantastic and has massively pulled back because I didn;t do something he wanted me to do, which in turn has made me more clingy. I don't know why you would be with someone who you wasnt interested in pleasing though, unless it was deliberate.

What was the thing you didn't do that he wanted you to?

Something sexual?

Relationships aren't supposed to be this hard OP, I promise. Healthy ones don't have all this up and down and back and forth. They don't have the drama and toxicity.

Are you 15?

When you say 'single bird' do you mean 'woman'?

You don't trust him. It's as simple as that. I would be happy for my DH to spend the night in the same house as a single woman because I trust him. And if I didn't trust him I'd leave him.

Sayng goodnight and good morning every day, and being offended and angry if he doesn't once, is very immature.

If he tells you you can't go out / stay at a friends / go to a bar with women friends then he's controlling - why are you still with him?

Neither of you trusts the other. It alls sounds a bit teenage I'm sorry to say. This is not a healthy adult relationship.

And please - do you really call other women 'birds'????

When you say 'single bird' do you mean 'woman'?

That was covered upthread. The OP said that she actually meant parrots.

*UPDATE** for all those invested lol!

he stayed there again the second night (of course) they were on his friends boat drinking etc but he did FaceTime me. About 7 guys the 2 girls. Fine. Then, a few hours later the husband uploads a video on instagram (I am not searching for this, I follow him and he follows me for years) posts a video of my fiancé, sitting next to his wife, his wife’s sister and the husband, as a 4, at the front of the boat, completely seperate from everyone else on the boat but just watching the sunset cruising along. Needless to say I think this is hugely inappropriate and insensitive, one for the husband to post probably knowing I’ll see it and I’m already uncomfortable and 2) why was my fiancé sitting up there as a 4?

he said that there was others sitting up there (not in video there wasn’t) and they all were moving around the boat etc etc and as usual it’s not a big deal, I’m crazy I’m insane and twisting (twisting what?) the video. He then goes to tell the friend she’s annoyed at the video and the friend laughs and says that’s my wife (obviously I’m not uncomfortable about his wife?) and my fiancé laughs too and basically embarrassed me.

does this change anything? Now he’s saying he does understand where I’m coming from but doesn’t think it’s a big deal the video… I’m a woman very far away and it’s not like there were any other people sitting with them, just those 4. Thoughts? Am I right to be angry?

Honestly you are completely ridiculous.

If you don't trust him, end the relationship.

Poor man can't even sit or stand next to a person of the opposite sex? Unless there's a huge backstory here you need to calm down.

He's right, you're acting crazy and insane.

Who cares where he was sitting?

It was more the fact (they were laying down) that her legs were nearly touching his, and I just had an imagine of them as a 4 for hours. I thought he would be hanging with the guys if I’m honest. Maybe I am crazy. Either way I felt uncomfortable seeing it visually. Meh.

You sound hard work and so does he. Am I right in thinking you are very young?

They were lying down?

That's not good.

But neither of you trusts the other, so it may be time to just end it, OP.