'Forgot' to text me last night - find out this morning a single girl is at the house?

[janniebxoxox]

Sorry I have rewritten this post as the last one was worded bad:

I just want some validation on whether i am in the wrong here please ladies and gents! happy saturday lol

Fiance was meant to be going to his friends house for the weekend with another friend and his friends wife. The friends wife didn't end up going because her sister is having relationship problems. Anyway, they went and last night I could tell my fiance was really drunk, videos on IG of shots, dancing etc. Still I kept my cool and didn't get annoyed. I am working away at the minute so communication really means a lot to me. Anyway, we ALWAYS say goodnight/goodmorning for 2 years we always have, rarely forget unless he is plastered drunk. I wake up this morning and no text, but I go onto IG and the wife has put a video up of them all laughing and joking setting off fireworks at 3am... so I call my partner at 3.30 (he is 5 hours behind) and no answer. must be asleep. So I send a argumentative kinda text saying thanks for the text, im going to do that to you tonight then if thats how we act (childish ino my bad)

He wakes up and automatically starts on the defensive saying i called him in the middle of the night (3.30 and he went to bed at 3 is hardly middle of night) and that im crazy blablabla its his friends sister, and is he not allowed to be around his friends mum who is 60 now and "do i hear myself" i reiterate he didnt text me and he always does and he says he didnt because i was asleep and he just forgot. made me feel better :/ not

Anyway I just go on the girls IG and shes deleted all photos of her bf so completely single... great! he is staying there again tonight (even tho he said he might be back friday night or saturday morning) and when i ask why he wouldn't just spend the day there and come home he said because he planned to stay. Now, I am planning to go over my friends house and I might stay over, and he really doesn't want me too and said stupid things like "good go share a room with one of her male friends". I don't see the difference, if he is around females then surely i can stay at my friends house with males around?

Am I wrong? Should he compromise and come home to please me? should i force him to come home? he wouldn't anyway. I feel i am never listened too, am i being unrealistic though with this example and being crazy? All i wanted was some validation and an apology, he said why would he apologise when he has done nothing wrong and now saying i ruin everything i dont want him to ever have fun...

I have a LOT of male close friends, and girls. We have all been friends for over a decade. We have all slept in the same bed/houses many many times, whilst drunk. Have I ever slept with them? No.

@andthat OK and when he is telling me not to stay at my friends house tonight because there are males there - i don't listen and continue to stay?

This relationship sounds stressful 😩

It’s oh so easy to say “dump him” “end it” isn’t it!

it sounds a little 50/50 to me, I think what stands out to me is the lack of trust, I believe in a relationship each should be able to go out, get drunk if they which and not have to touch home unless necessary for some legitimate reason.

Why are you both so determined to tell one another what you can and can't do?

You both sound jealous, needy and controlling. It's toxic. End the relationship work on yourself.

The number of times he gets very drunk would be a no-no for me.

I wouldn't allow husband of 15 years to dictate where I can go, who I can go with and what I can do. I'm an adult. I'll do what I want. I do ask if we have plans for x night because that just good manners. You guys aren't even in the same countries. It's not like your planning the logistics together. You live separate lives.

I am not - but he likes to set these rules for us and I comply, but he seems to move the post when it suits him and it really bloody gets to me

Yes I would 🤷‍♀️ if he’s going to shag someone else they will do it regardless of how bat shit you are or aren’t being.

Why don’t you trust him?

This. Arful relationship.

OK and when he is telling me not to stay at my friends house tonight because there are males there - i don't listen and continue to stay?

You ask him why he feels he can tell you what to do.

Then you leave him and find an actual adult relationship.

Is this real?
If so - you need to separate asap, this 'relationship' is no good for either of you.

@namechange1986 I love the word bampot. What does it mean?

should i force him to come home?

This is what stands out to me most.

It does sound like he is double standards OP. But no matter what you both say about not trusting “others,” you clearly don’t trust each other.

I know this kind of dynamic and chat is normal in some circles, but equally it’s bizarre to some, and many would consider it very immature and unhealthy. Life isn’t some perpetual pull-a-thon or potential shag-a-thon - at least not for everyone. Some couples simply meet, have a great time together, feel secure and committed and get on with their lives, careers, interests and so on, with the positive addition of of a trusted, supportive partner. Not this stress! If I were you I’d raise my standards for mutual respect and trust in a relationship!

This is nuts! Just move on if you don't trust each other.

This is the sort of drama you'd expect to have to talk a teenager down from.

The (lack of) maturity astounds me.

He got drunk with mates, you yourself said he doesn't do goodnight texts if he's drunk. So what's the problem?

Massive overreaction and stalker behaviour from you after.

Jesus wept. Grow up.

This! We can all go a bit mad when having fun, doesn't mean anyone is being unfaithful. The days before SM eh. Sounds like you're both very young and it takes time, talking and trust to develop into a mature relationship. I do remember feeling a bit jealous at first, trust needs to be built with time and experience. Xx

'Fella'? 'Bird'?
Are you writing an article for Take A Break?

You don’t even know if she’s single, you’re basing it off her IG 😂.

and so what? If he wants to cheat with her he would do it whether she’s single or not.

Sigh. Just as pathetic as the previous one, neither of you are grown up enough to be in a relationship. You should end it, people who love each other don't treat each other like this

He is controlling and it is driving you to become stressed and insecure. Look at getting out of this relationship.

Who can be arsed with this utterly boring drivel.

This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship and you don't sound compatible. You've talked about not feeling listened to, double standards and emotional manipulation. On topbof all of that, you clearly don't trust him.

I honestly think you would be best off separating. I'd then recommend some counselling to help you better understand healthy relationship dynamics.