'Forgot' to text me last night - find out this morning a single girl is at the house?

[janniebxoxox]

Sorry I have rewritten this post as the last one was worded bad:

I just want some validation on whether i am in the wrong here please ladies and gents! happy saturday lol

Fiance was meant to be going to his friends house for the weekend with another friend and his friends wife. The friends wife didn't end up going because her sister is having relationship problems. Anyway, they went and last night I could tell my fiance was really drunk, videos on IG of shots, dancing etc. Still I kept my cool and didn't get annoyed. I am working away at the minute so communication really means a lot to me. Anyway, we ALWAYS say goodnight/goodmorning for 2 years we always have, rarely forget unless he is plastered drunk. I wake up this morning and no text, but I go onto IG and the wife has put a video up of them all laughing and joking setting off fireworks at 3am... so I call my partner at 3.30 (he is 5 hours behind) and no answer. must be asleep. So I send a argumentative kinda text saying thanks for the text, im going to do that to you tonight then if thats how we act (childish ino my bad)

He wakes up and automatically starts on the defensive saying i called him in the middle of the night (3.30 and he went to bed at 3 is hardly middle of night) and that im crazy blablabla its his friends sister, and is he not allowed to be around his friends mum who is 60 now and "do i hear myself" i reiterate he didnt text me and he always does and he says he didnt because i was asleep and he just forgot. made me feel better :/ not

Anyway I just go on the girls IG and shes deleted all photos of her bf so completely single... great! he is staying there again tonight (even tho he said he might be back friday night or saturday morning) and when i ask why he wouldn't just spend the day there and come home he said because he planned to stay. Now, I am planning to go over my friends house and I might stay over, and he really doesn't want me too and said stupid things like "good go share a room with one of her male friends". I don't see the difference, if he is around females then surely i can stay at my friends house with males around?

Am I wrong? Should he compromise and come home to please me? should i force him to come home? he wouldn't anyway. I feel i am never listened too, am i being unrealistic though with this example and being crazy? All i wanted was some validation and an apology, he said why would he apologise when he has done nothing wrong and now saying i ruin everything i dont want him to ever have fun...

My marriage has its ups and downs but what I can always count on is my dh makes me feel safe.

If he doesn’t make you feel safe and makes you feel like you’re questioning yourself then is there really any point to it? Not to be blunt but you need to feel secure and happy. If you’re doubting it then take some time to think about what you really want from a partner.

So what are you getting from this ‘relationship?’

Neither of you trust each other, and both of seem to be going out of your way to antagonise each other.

Why do either of you want to marry each other?

Relationships aren't this hard. If they are, then it means you're with the wrong person.

Have you considered that life would probably be a hell of a lot simpler if you swapped him for a parrot?

you both sound too young to be getting married. how old are you?

@janniebxoxox
You're being unreasonable. You both are. This isn't a healthy relationship. It's not a healthy relationship whatsoever if you're getting this worked up over him missing a text and also that you're both SO bothered by eachother being in houses with other single people.
What would you have liked to have happened? He realised a single person was there so he had to leave and get a hotel and go back to the hotel and text you?
Yes it might feel uncomfortable or disappointing to not get a text, but you are not eachother property.
Your relationship should be a lovely, positive, trusting thing. Not this.
I can absolutely guarantee you that if you don't change your ways (both of you) you will have a miserable, controlling life together.

He may or may not have been up to anything but you are completely over the top and on his case!

It's quite immature to have all this must text you goodnight every single night and if he doesn't then you emerge as some awful nag.

Hideous and petty drama that is not the stuff of a mutually respectful adult relationship.

I don't think he's as into you as you are to him and your behaviour is only going to make him want to kick his heels further and be free.

👍🏻

Yes. Because I trust my partner

I would. I really would. I've never had any reason to distrust DH not him me. I've been on holiday with our kids and a single male friend and shared a room, and dh has had no problem with it. When our DD was very ill DH met a younger female friend every Saturday morning to talk - she was a huge support to him. I was pleased he had her as my head was all over the place. We trust each other. If you don't trust each other, it makes no odds if there was a girl there or not. The relationship is shaky

How long have you been engaged? Have you set a date for the wedding? The two of you don’t sound or act like two people so in love that they’re about to get married.

It sounds like he gave you a “shut up” ring long, long ago and neither of you have any real intention of getting married.

I think you've over reacted massively. Is this your first serious relationship? You sound very childish and incredibly needy.

OP says she's had four serious previous relationships.

@Lostworlds he says you shud make urself feel safe and not rely on other ppl to make you happy when I say things like this

Then he hasn't got your back and you shouldn't continue this relationship.

@TheShellBeach hasn’t got my back how?it’s very easy to say just do not continue when you’re deep in something and have feelings involved. I get it though.

I think YABU to send him a confrontational text (over his lack of texting) and expect a kind, loving response. He was having fun with his friends and didn't message, it's not the end of the world.

I also think YABU to say things like "I'll do the same to you tonight" etc, it's very childish and spiteful.

If you want to stay at your friend's house, then stay. If you don't, then don't. But don't stay there just to spite your partner.

You shouldn't be telling each other where to stay etc, it's very controlling and possessive. You say you trust him but not other women, why does it matter what another woman does if you trust him?

I think you're both as bad as each other. I don't know how you can resolve this and form a healthier relationship, maybe you should take some time apart.

What do you think this other girl is going to do?
And if you trust him then does it matter?

its his friends sister

I don't understand the sudden mention of this in your post? Before this you just mentioned his friend and the friend's wife who was no longer going?

So there was other people there that you didn't know were going, and this one happened to be single. That's what upset you?

Oh, so he makes a fuss about you going out without him? That's not good. It also kind of explains why you don't trust him - he judges you or other men by his own standards, meaning he doesn't think it's reasonable for a man (him) to be partying with another woman.

I'd call time on this relationship, OP. Too much drama and jealousy. Find yourself a more secure and less misogynist bloke.

This. I’m exhausted even reading this.

YABU, and quite juvenile at that. Do the guy a favour and cut him loose, poor bloke.

Women, OP. Women.
Not ‘females’.

“violetposie · Today 00:13
I think YABU to send him a confrontational text (over his lack of texting) and expect a kind, loving response. He was having fun with his friends and didn't message, it's not the end of the world.

I also think YABU to say things like "I'll do the same to you tonight" etc, it's very childish and spiteful.

If you want to stay at your friend's house, then stay. If you don't, then don't. But don't stay there just to spite your partner.

You shouldn't be telling each other where to stay etc, it's very controlling and possessive. You say you trust him but not other women, why does it matter what another woman does if you trust him?

I think you're both as bad as each other. I don't know how you can resolve this and form a healthier relationship, maybe you should take some time apart.”

This. You say it’s hard to walk away when you care but you both sound quite young. This is not a healthy basis for a relationship. You mention wanting to please your partner but that really depends on what your partner wants in order to be pleased. If he can’t handle you being in a social situation with with other men and you can’t handle him being in a social situation with other women, then you’re going to shrink each other’s worlds and make each other miserable. A healthy relationship isn’t based on fear and mistrust.