Ex has Texted 🙄

[LilacButterflies]

Hello!

I was in a relationship for 6 years and 2 years ago he just disappeared. We didn't live together because I have a child and I didn't want him living with us. I didn't really have any plans tbh, was just enjoying it all.

He met DD after 3 years and was actually brilliant with her, his mum and family were also lovely towards us too.

So on a Tuesday AM 2 years ago he left mine for work at 5am and it's the last time I saw him.

I realised at around lunchtime that I had been blocked. I got a txt that night from his best friend saying:
"* has dumped you. Do not attempt to contact him across ANY channels or his family or friends!!!!!!!"

I didn't try to BTW, I was too embarrassed. I just deleted his number and avoided his area as best as I could.

Anyway roll on to work this arvo and I get this message:

Him: "Hey me how are you? How's DD?"

Me: "sorry who's this? I don't have your number in my contacts"

Him: Ben.

I haven't replied and just deleted his message but shit after 2 years and the way i was dumped it was so unexpected.

My friends think I should have replied.

They probably thought they were doing her a favour saying she was with someone because it's hella creepy showing up somewhere asking after your ex from years ago

OP is surrounded by people trying to control her, they all have their own agenda and none of them have her best interests at heart.

Why on earth should OP play manipulative games with this creep?

{Press the 'edit' button to see what you suggested}

OP is rid of the creep as it is, she is keeping her integrity and not engaging.

Giving him any engagement just hooks him in more- the last thing OP wants or needs.

Still, they’re giving him “info” and details about your life which they shouldn’t, instead of “she moved out a while ago and we lost contact with her” -end off- they’re engaging with him and telling some BS story that may make your idiot ex wonder about you even more and the reasons you went back with your abusive ex the cop. Again: shit stirring.

AA do this regardless of country. It's a thing in the UK too.

This. They could have said "she moved". The back together with an ex sounds like purposeful shit stirring.

I really don’t think thr neighnours are the issue here.

They’re not. The issue here is that this tw-at is a) looking for forgiveness from the OP because he needs to put at rest his bad concious (AA or not) or b) he’s feeling lonely and reaching out for her. Whatever the case is she needs to block this toxic waste and not engage.

Obviously the main issue is the ghosting ex. Followed by controlling cop ex. In this issue. In life the controllign ex is a bigger issue. But neighbour is adding fuel to fire. The ghost knows op's history with ex and doesn't have boundaries. I doubt he will go "I'm so happy for them that they manage to sort things out. I'll let them live happily ever after" and the controlling ex seems to have access to everything, so will be interesting. Hopefully neighbour won't talk more. Hope both ex's will leave op alone.

I'd be tempted to reply 'Ben who?'

Please tell us that you hadn't paid for the bridesmaid dress, or if you had, they paid you back for it?

You did the right thing ignoring him.

You don't need closure, you already got it by dealing with this for the last two years and building a new life. Your romantic friend is dying of curiosity and would like another installment. She's not giving you good advice.

If this is how it suits you to deal with it, and you've had the strenght of mind to do it, why would anyone try to talk you out of it.

I totally agree with your statement that after ghosting you in the way he did, he doesn't deserve the courtesy of any response from you.

I do think its understandable that you've sworn off dating after this but maybe there's someone you can talk to about this in real life to see if you want to completely close that side down for good. You've been hurt and could do with some support for how you feel about that going forward.

There was no good reason for him and his friends to be intentionally spiteful. Therefore, I wouldn't even block. I would just leave him where HE decided he wanted to be. And that's not in your life.

AA is international, not that it matters here

Pure narcissist who cannot bare not having control over you anymore.

He was in control dumping and blocking you, now that you've done it to him he can't cope with it.

You've absolutely done the right thing.

That's why it's best to resist curiosity to listen to messages. No doubt there will be attempt to bait you into responding by distorting the truth to make you the villain in some way.

Exactly what I was going to say. It will be killing him. Hats off to you for blocking and telling others to do the same. If they go against your clear wishes they will be aiding him. Proud of you and I don’t even know you !

There was a programme ( morning live) on yesterday or the day before talking about Narcissistic personality disorder, how they leave relationships then randomly out of the blue contact again when their supply has run out. There is a word for it but for the life of me cannot remember what it was. Don’t look back.

I had a similar experience, I was dumped many years ago just after I’d suffered a miscarriage. A couple of years ago he tried to get in touch via LinkedIn and Messenger. I blocked him. My husband couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to know what he wanted, but I simply had no interest in anything he wanted to say to me.

Good on you for blocking him, move on with your head held high.

Please don’t give him any more thought. He’s behaved appallingly. You are worth so much more!

You have closure the moment he walked out and got his friend to dump you. That was the relationship closed - he broke it and it was done. Why he did not is not really of any concern and you have done this - which is great.

The only reason he will be back in touch now is that he wants something - it will be all about him and not you. It will not give you closure. Good on you for blocking, and staying blocked.

A thought that I have just had - what if he received the same text from his friend as you did? ie he thinks that you dumped him?
Just suddenly crossed my mind as a possibility?

What she should have said was, Ben, don't tell him about my lottery win.

https://www.facebook.com/bbcmorninglive

4th article down

Are you still in contact with your old neighbour?

Could your policeman ex somehow spoken to them and told them that you were back together?