Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex has Texted 🙄

476 replies

LilacButterflies · 02/07/2024 03:23

Hello!

I was in a relationship for 6 years and 2 years ago he just disappeared. We didn't live together because I have a child and I didn't want him living with us. I didn't really have any plans tbh, was just enjoying it all.

He met DD after 3 years and was actually brilliant with her, his mum and family were also lovely towards us too.

So on a Tuesday AM 2 years ago he left mine for work at 5am and it's the last time I saw him.

I realised at around lunchtime that I had been blocked. I got a txt that night from his best friend saying:
"* has dumped you. Do not attempt to contact him across ANY channels or his family or friends!!!!!!!"

I didn't try to BTW, I was too embarrassed. I just deleted his number and avoided his area as best as I could.

Anyway roll on to work this arvo and I get this message:

Him: "Hey me how are you? How's DD?"

Me: "sorry who's this? I don't have your number in my contacts"

Him: Ben.

I haven't replied and just deleted his message but shit after 2 years and the way i was dumped it was so unexpected.

My friends think I should have replied.

OP posts:
anyolddinosaur · 06/07/2024 10:45

Just read your posts. Your former neighbour was perhaps trying to be helpful and encourage this idiot to leave you alone.

You are doing the right thing by blocking him.

LittlePearDrop · 06/07/2024 10:47

Are you in America and has Ben got a history of alcohol use?

Just asking because don't the AA have a thing where they get people to make amends with everyone they've hurt? Wondering if that is what Ben is up to and why he is suddenly so persistent.

Original poster
LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 10:50

LittlePearDrop · 06/07/2024 10:47

Are you in America and has Ben got a history of alcohol use?

Just asking because don't the AA have a thing where they get people to make amends with everyone they've hurt? Wondering if that is what Ben is up to and why he is suddenly so persistent.

No and no.

OP posts:
020LOLZ · 06/07/2024 10:58

Alternatively, you could reply insisting you have absolutely no idea who he is and if he could just clarify what happened and when

You would never hear from him again

Janehasamane · 06/07/2024 11:00

020LOLZ · 06/07/2024 10:58

Alternatively, you could reply insisting you have absolutely no idea who he is and if he could just clarify what happened and when

You would never hear from him again

Why engage and play childish games, he knows she knows who it is and what happened, she’s not mentally deficient.

Pipsquiggle · 06/07/2024 11:03

@LilacButterflies

That's one hell of a dripfeed re your police officer abusive ex and how he spied (still spies?) on all your communication and movements.
I would be staggered if your ex didn't engineer your break up in some way. He sounds absolutely unhinged - should you report him? You don't want another Wayne Couzens / David Carrick scenario.
Get your laptop and mobile checked for spyware.

Re your more recent ex, I think you're doing the right thing if that's what you want to do. Your DB contacting him might be a compromise. I probably would want to know what happened but not have to speak to him.

020LOLZ · 06/07/2024 11:04

.

KeepingCool · 06/07/2024 11:05

Maybe he went through a bit of a breakdown and is having therapy, going back through his life and sending apologies.

020LOLZ · 06/07/2024 11:05

You’re not getting it.

By insisting he spells out exactly who he was and what he did, it would remove him from her life probably for good.

beatrix1234 · 06/07/2024 11:12

I would write: "Hi Ben, you're a piece of sh-it and you know it. Hope you die of a slow and painful death. Do not attempt to contact me again. Fu-ck of now" then you block him.

Closure obtained in 5 seconds.

Zombiemama84 · 06/07/2024 11:17

Well rid of bellend Ben, you did the right thing not replying and blocking. To have the cheek to ask how your daughter is aswell! Is that supposed to soften you up?

Sondheimisademigod · 06/07/2024 11:19

ditch your friends

Crayfishforyou · 06/07/2024 11:24

You’ve acted the grown up and done the right thing.
You’ve made it quite clear you have no interest in communicating with him.
Hopefully he will leave you alone now. I can’t believe he has the cheek to try and find you after what he did

Beeinalily · 06/07/2024 11:26

DoraMae · 06/07/2024 09:27

Grim aren't they, some people.

My ex messed me about and we were in a cycle of together, not…just starting to get over it, him turning up, together, not…you get the picture.

Anyway I ended it.

I saw him about a year later, in a local pub, I was with a new partner. Got home and received the text
‘in all of the bars, in all of the world, good to see you. I know it was awkward to talk with your new man there, but if you ever want to meet…’.

‘In all the bars in all of the world’ 🤣 No in our local you gimp!

I didn't respond.

That made me laugh - the local pub is hardly the same as meeting in Casablanca is it?

Original poster
LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 11:36

Not mentioning my dds dad wasn't an intentional dripfeed, I just think I've dealt with him for so long I'm just like meh about it all.

I'm not afraid of him.
Anyone that has had issues with their ex that's a cop knows how fucking hard it can be getting anything done about it.

I'm not going to speak to Ben in any circumstances.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 11:36

Not mentioning my dds dad wasn't an intentional dripfeed, I just think I've dealt with him for so long I'm just like meh about it all.

I'm not afraid of him.
Anyone that has had issues with their ex that's a cop knows how fucking hard it can be getting anything done about it.

I'm not going to speak to Ben in any circumstances.

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 06/07/2024 11:44

@LilacButterflies
Most likely reason is he is without a Girlfriend, or has just been dumped, and he wants a listening ear and probably sex.

BLOCK the creep.

No decent person ends a relationship like this.

No ifs, no buts, this coward is not worth your emotional time.

Well done for not replying.

He's sniffing around because he's been dumped is my guess.

beatrix1234 · 06/07/2024 11:45

Why on earth would your ex neighbour say such a stupid thing to a total stranger (who could be a dangerous stalker trying to gather info on you) that you're "back with your ex"? Unless he's an idiot, a shit stirrer or he just wants to cause problems to single mother. What a t-wat.

Garlicnaan · 06/07/2024 11:49

Could he be trying to tell you someone has died?

Original poster
LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 11:50

And I'll also add I haven't asked for opinions on why he ghosted me, so wasn't trying to hide my situation with my ex.

I posted this because my friends, including my closest friend thought I should have replied.

Why he got his friend to dump me is of no interest to me.

I gave him MANY outs everytime ex did something. He said no, he loves me blah blah blah.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 11:52

beatrix1234 · 06/07/2024 11:45

Why on earth would your ex neighbour say such a stupid thing to a total stranger (who could be a dangerous stalker trying to gather info on you) that you're "back with your ex"? Unless he's an idiot, a shit stirrer or he just wants to cause problems to single mother. What a t-wat.

Edited

They knew Ben to say Hi to him from when I lived there.

OP posts:
sabadoo · 06/07/2024 11:52

Ignore and block, honestly what a sack of shit to just ghost you like that and have his mate dump you. There are no extenuating circumstances which excuse that kind of behaviour. I don't know what his game is but I can tell you he isn't a good person and will do the same again if it suits him. Do not respond!

Scorchio84 · 06/07/2024 11:54

what a piece of shit! I've heard some crazy things over the years but this is another level! You are & have been doing the right thing in how you're dealing with this Ben coward, what a wet lettuce getting his friend to dump you, WTAF?? It'd be almost funny if he wasn't a grown man, it reeks of teenage antics 🙄I also love your boundaries regarding your child, they're the same as mine so I really repect that & as you've displayed you were right... fucking hell

Also fuck closure & your "romantic" friend could fuck off as well to be honest

Brava @LilacButterflies 👏

wiggleweggle · 06/07/2024 11:54

@LilacButterflies no response is a response and he should respect you.

I am guessing whatever he wants to share with you is about him righting his wrongs, and it is an entirely selfish move with no consideration to you or your wellbeing.

Stay strong. And your friend is entitled to her opinion. But she isn't entitled to force her views into you.

I saw someone post this week 'they have the right to make a pantomime, if they so wish, but you do not have to buy a ticket'. I loved it!

sabadoo · 06/07/2024 11:54

oakleaffy · 06/07/2024 11:44

@LilacButterflies
Most likely reason is he is without a Girlfriend, or has just been dumped, and he wants a listening ear and probably sex.

BLOCK the creep.

No decent person ends a relationship like this.

No ifs, no buts, this coward is not worth your emotional time.

Well done for not replying.

He's sniffing around because he's been dumped is my guess.

This, many men can abuse you, leave you, ignore you but they still think you belong to them, that you are a resource they can draw on whenever they feel like it because you aren't a real human person to them. Men like this deserve nothing from any woman.