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Original poster

Ex has Texted 🙄

476 replies

LilacButterflies · 02/07/2024 03:23

Hello!

I was in a relationship for 6 years and 2 years ago he just disappeared. We didn't live together because I have a child and I didn't want him living with us. I didn't really have any plans tbh, was just enjoying it all.

He met DD after 3 years and was actually brilliant with her, his mum and family were also lovely towards us too.

So on a Tuesday AM 2 years ago he left mine for work at 5am and it's the last time I saw him.

I realised at around lunchtime that I had been blocked. I got a txt that night from his best friend saying:
"* has dumped you. Do not attempt to contact him across ANY channels or his family or friends!!!!!!!"

I didn't try to BTW, I was too embarrassed. I just deleted his number and avoided his area as best as I could.

Anyway roll on to work this arvo and I get this message:

Him: "Hey me how are you? How's DD?"

Me: "sorry who's this? I don't have your number in my contacts"

Him: Ben.

I haven't replied and just deleted his message but shit after 2 years and the way i was dumped it was so unexpected.

My friends think I should have replied.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 09:29

020LOLZ · 06/07/2024 09:01

You should only “give him a chance” in order to let him in, lead him on and subsequently return the favour. That’s longwinded and convoluted so you’d probably do best just to block. Also the way he’s asking about your daughter, if you did decide to entertain him, do not let him in your child’s life in any way, shape or form.

Sidenote: is he a Capricorn? 🤣

He's a sagittarius

OP posts:
020LOLZ · 06/07/2024 09:32

“If you ever want to meet”
👀

ComoSeDicePepino · 06/07/2024 09:32

You don't need fake closure now, you got closure by going through the pain and feeling the pain, and in time, you healed. It probably left a scar.

In contrast, he's the one who feels awkward when he thinks of you, probably has to work harder and construct new rationalisations to justify getting a friend to dump you and then leave you blocked with no answers.

I saw a youtube short recently and it said that the reason we long for answers is to obtain some mitigating piece of information that re-frames what's been done to us. The reason we do this is to avoid the pain of them blocking us/cheating/abandoning us whatever. We long to hear something that will be the facts aren't what we thought so we don't need to go through all that pain.

This what happens to ghosters. We heal and they end up looking for confirmation that we were crazy, stifling them, not for us, wouldn't have accepted the relationship ending et cetera.

Allie47 · 06/07/2024 09:33

You're awesome, well done for showing women how it should be done 💐

Original poster
LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 09:34

FangsForTheMemory · 06/07/2024 09:10

When Ben’s friend texted you to end it, did you have any way of checking that message was definitely from Ben and not his friend just making trouble?

I was supposed to be Ben's sister's bridesmaid. A couple of days after the dumping her MOH texted me asking for the dress back.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 09:37

ComoSeDicePepino · 06/07/2024 09:32

You don't need fake closure now, you got closure by going through the pain and feeling the pain, and in time, you healed. It probably left a scar.

In contrast, he's the one who feels awkward when he thinks of you, probably has to work harder and construct new rationalisations to justify getting a friend to dump you and then leave you blocked with no answers.

I saw a youtube short recently and it said that the reason we long for answers is to obtain some mitigating piece of information that re-frames what's been done to us. The reason we do this is to avoid the pain of them blocking us/cheating/abandoning us whatever. We long to hear something that will be the facts aren't what we thought so we don't need to go through all that pain.

This what happens to ghosters. We heal and they end up looking for confirmation that we were crazy, stifling them, not for us, wouldn't have accepted the relationship ending et cetera.

I agree with what you said 100%. I did go through the bewildering pain and it's long gone. I just kept moving forward and got over it.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 09:41

DoraMae · 06/07/2024 09:27

Grim aren't they, some people.

My ex messed me about and we were in a cycle of together, not…just starting to get over it, him turning up, together, not…you get the picture.

Anyway I ended it.

I saw him about a year later, in a local pub, I was with a new partner. Got home and received the text
‘in all of the bars, in all of the world, good to see you. I know it was awkward to talk with your new man there, but if you ever want to meet…’.

‘In all the bars in all of the world’ 🤣 No in our local you gimp!

I didn't respond.

God that sounds repulsive. I am so grateful I haven't seen him since that last morning.

OP posts:
TriesNotToBeCynical · 06/07/2024 09:49

LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 09:25

Sorry Ben's sister MOH asked for the dress back.

Show quote history

Thanks for clarifying. I agree if there was any message or excuse they needed to give you the time was 2 years ago. Not now.

Jacopo · 06/07/2024 10:00

So the other ex had access to your emails etc (and still seems to have access to your movements)? Doesn’t it sound like he scared off the other guy somehow? Told him to dump you and threatened him with all sorts if he didn’t?
Even if my imagination is working overtime you seriously need to see if he’s tracking your phone or using some other device to monitor you.

WellwellwellInever · 06/07/2024 10:01

What if your abusive ex, with his access to your messages, police powers etc did something to interfere? Like threaten him or create false evidence of you doing something. I think you’d still be perfectly reasonable to feel the same - he could have checked with you or got a message to you somehow. But would it change your mind?

KarmaKat · 06/07/2024 10:08

Wow. The whole story is so shocking.

I was ghosted out of the blue in a 2yr relationship. Just got a ‘I can’t speak to you anymore’ text and subsequently found out he was married. I guess he told the wife we only talked, not that we were in a relationship.

Anyhow, nearly 3 years later he got back in touch too. I have allowed this out of curiosity and tbh, a little revenge. He’s mid divorce & struggling. Regrets his decisions & I’m newly (& very happily) married. Sucks to be him 🤣

theworldie · 06/07/2024 10:13

You don’t need “closure” - you know why he did what he did - because he’s a cowardly, nasty piece of shit.

You’ve done exactly the right thing - well done!

Original poster
LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 10:17

WellwellwellInever · 06/07/2024 10:01

What if your abusive ex, with his access to your messages, police powers etc did something to interfere? Like threaten him or create false evidence of you doing something. I think you’d still be perfectly reasonable to feel the same - he could have checked with you or got a message to you somehow. But would it change your mind?

Nope, wouldn't change a thing.
He was always well aware that my ex was/is a massive issue in my life.

And I'll be honest, I don't think I'll ever want to date again.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 06/07/2024 10:17

Is it possible he thinks you have something which belongs to him, @LilacButterflies ? After all, he did go AWOL in something of a hurry. Might have left something behind (other than his conscience).

If that's the case and you find it, I suggest an early commemoration of Guy Fawkes Night this year with a nice, toasty July backyard bonfire. 🔥🚒🧨👩🏻‍🚒

OperationGoldenDawn · 06/07/2024 10:17

i guess if my ex texted me now, as it was 20 years ago it would be unusual although i month or 2 we did have a chat, for me in this case it would be upto them to text first rather than me making an assumption

bloodyeffinnora · 06/07/2024 10:19

I also did think maybe your ex said something to him, especially as he had access to his phone number......But, Ben could have got round this somehow surely and why is he disregarding it now?

User628291938949 · 06/07/2024 10:21

What a woman you are ❤️ and he knows that the coward! You've done the right thing be the one that got away from that a**hole and enjoy your life! You're a lot stronger than most and he can sit and KNOW what he's lost. He left you with no control and no answers. And now you have gained that back and left him with no response. Well done xxxx you should be proud of yourself

Original poster
LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 10:26

Jacopo · 06/07/2024 10:00

So the other ex had access to your emails etc (and still seems to have access to your movements)? Doesn’t it sound like he scared off the other guy somehow? Told him to dump you and threatened him with all sorts if he didn’t?
Even if my imagination is working overtime you seriously need to see if he’s tracking your phone or using some other device to monitor you.

Yep he did and he does always seem to know where I am.

When I moved back here I had to get his permission because of dd and he said "yep I'll move there with you"
And brought his house on the same street as my auntie.

I don't know whether he said/did anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 10:28

bloodyeffinnora · 06/07/2024 10:19

I also did think maybe your ex said something to him, especially as he had access to his phone number......But, Ben could have got round this somehow surely and why is he disregarding it now?

Ben was always aware of my ex's feelings. I never hid anything from him.

OP posts:
Kazzy5055 · 06/07/2024 10:30

I think you did the right thing. He decides to get in contact after 2 years and thinks you will reply. He's obviously been dumped and expects you to take him back. I certainly wouldn't reply.

inlandriverview · 06/07/2024 10:30

Id tell police ex that Ben ex has been in touch and turned up at your old house

See what happens 😬

Catsfishybreath · 06/07/2024 10:30

Send him Alison Moyet All cried out . Then block

Original poster
LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 10:34

Catsfishybreath · 06/07/2024 10:30

Send him Alison Moyet All cried out . Then block

Haha!! I actually like her "is this love" song myself.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 06/07/2024 10:38

Omg he came to your old home?! That's so weird of him. He was happy to ghost you and not think anything of you, all this time! But now he needs to see you?! He can't have it both ways. Now he's getting a taste of his own medicine. Good for you.

Original poster
LilacButterflies · 06/07/2024 10:43

Beautiful3 · 06/07/2024 10:38

Omg he came to your old home?! That's so weird of him. He was happy to ghost you and not think anything of you, all this time! But now he needs to see you?! He can't have it both ways. Now he's getting a taste of his own medicine. Good for you.

Yep but I'm guessing he didn't know that we had moved.
Still seemed cocky to me though.

OP posts: