Parents giving me the cold shoulder over house buying

[DAISYBELLAxx]

Hello. Looking for some advice if possible please...

Myself and my partner (28 and 30) are looking to buy a property. I have equity in savings from a previous property I sold, and once he sells his flat (currently on the market) he should get a good amount of equity too.

We have seen a house we both really like in Surrey (where our families both live) and are wanting to do a second viewing. The house is offers around £500,000. We plan to put down a £100,000 deposit, which will also leave us both with £20,000-£30,000 in savings each. The house needs some modernisation and renovations, so this should give us some funds to do this (although we would need to pay people as we are not good at DIY!)

We have spoken to a mortgage advisor, who says that the monthly mortgage would be around £2,000 per month. I am a teacher who takes home £2,444 per month, and my partner takes home around £2,800 per month.

We have no children currently, but plan to within the next three years. I am also not very happy in my job and plan to go self employed (dog groomer) within the next few years.

My parents are giving me a bit of a hard time every time I bring up the house. They want us to buy closer to them, as they are saying that if we have children, it will make things easier for us (especially when I plan to go self employed) which I do understand. But they have told me that if we move over 20 minutes away, we are on our own with childcare and dog care (they currently look after my dog whilst I am working). However, they do not seem to understand that when we look closer to them, the house prices are so expensive (hence the £500,000 for this house). They showed us around a family friends house at the end of their road (which is for sale for £460,000) It was quite pokey and needed so much work - it wasn't right for us.

Our requirements are that we are looking for a forever home, with plenty of space for a family to grow and a decent sized garden for our dogs and also the groom room.

My parents view is that there is cheaper housing around. There is - but it just doesn't fit what we are after. And when it is cheaper, it is further away from my parents. They have said that if we go along with this house, things will go wrong and we will not be able to pay the mortgage. They are just being very negative in general (I do understand their points and know that they are only looking out for us, but they do not understand my arguments).

Myself and my partner currently have no credit (other than my car loan which is £222 per month).

I am feeling 50/50, as I always have valued my parent's opinion. And with children coming up and a change of job, I am worried about the bills being paid. My partner reassures me that all will be fine and that this is the perfect house for us, but I am feeling unsure due to my parents views.

Any advice? Is £2,000 per month too much? I used to pay £600 for a three bedroom house, but that was back in 2019. I just don't want us to struggle but I know something has to give. Thank you. :)

Only you can say if it’s the right amount I’m afraid but factor in all bills eg council tax as well as mortgage and if you could afford a rate rise

also as a teacher I’d struggle to find a job equalling my TH salary. How well does grooming pay? What’s the competition locally? How much would you have to pay for insurance, public liability etc?

definitely also with children factor in their care - preschool years go so fast, you also need to look at local schools and see if you’re happy but obv that may also affect prices. at least your parents have been upfront about whether they’re willing to help out or not so you know where you are with it.

sorry but I think it’s way over your budget.

why are you buying a forever home as your first home? that is a big decision to make all in one go, and you can't really predict where your life will be in a few years in terms of jobs / children / money etc.

I've always thought you should buy a house for the next 5-7 years and make sure you can afford it properly. then you can upgrade if things change.

Only you will know if this is doable for you. The concern I would have is if you go self employed, you can't rely on your £2,444/month, also bare in mind if you are self employed and have a baby you won't get maternity pay. Could you survive on only your partners wage? If mortgage is £2000/month I doubt it. £800/month for all other bills and shopping

Well it's up to you what you do, but at least your parents are being honest and straight with you. If you are 20 minutes drive away from them, they won't be there to help.

Personally I don't think that's very far. My DD lives that distance and it's quite close IMO. But if your parents think it's a long way, and they won't be able to help you with your doggo and future rugrats, then at least you know. And you can cut your cloth and sort your life and finances, knowing you will be paying for a nanny/childminder/nursery.

At least you KNOW you parents will not help if you are 20 minutes drive away. But don't go and have a baby, and then complain when your parents refuse to drive 20 minutes to help every time you need help with the baby.

As has been said though, why go so big/expensive for your first home? You are talking 40-45% of your joint income just for the mortgage payments! As has been said, the thought of a £400,000 mortgage on those salaries is terrifying! You have left no wriggle room, and have MORE than maxed yourself out. I am amazed actually that your mortgage lender has let you have that much on those salaries.

I'd worry about the repayments tbh. You haven't left yourself a lot of wiggle room if your business takes longer to get established or doesn't work out. Or accounting for increase in bills, childcare, insurances.

I don't know if you are doing this but maybe set up the new business alongside your current job, maybe drop one day of work (if possible - not always easy in teaching) as business picks up, but hedge your bets for now.

I think your parents are worried you are buying off more than you can chew and are trying to apply pressure that will force you to cut back on the cost a bit. Their approach is wrong but I do think you might be seriously underestimating the costs of children.

In your shoes I'd buy a cheaper house with a view to upgrading later or save a bit longer and then pay as big a deposit as you can, to get those monthly payments right down.

Apart from wether you can afford the mortgage if you go onto maternity leave or change jobs, your parents have said that they won’t want to drive 20mins to help out so much.
Could you manage without their help as this could mean extra childcare costs, dog walkers etc. They have been upfront in telling you so that’s fair enough.

I'm amazed you got a 400k mortgage on those salaries to be honest! It seems like an eye wateringly high amount per month. Have you done the maths on what you'll be left with after bills?

Listen to your parents!

How many multiples of your combined salary is that? It does seem high compared to your incomes. Our mortgage is about that monthly but we take home over £2,5k a month more than you.

It sounds like finances will be tight if you spend £500k on the house but they would be doable given you still have £20-30k of savings.

BUT given you want to spend the savings on work to the new house (£20-30k won't go far when you're paying for trades) PLUS you want to go self-employed as a groomer PLUS you want to start a family. This is unrealistic. You don't have the financial buffer to do all these things.

Suggest you sit down and make some hard choices about priorities and what matters most to you.

I sympathise as house prices are so huge, but I don't think you can afford this. We take home almost the same as you & do okay - not over-flowing- with a mortgage of half of that. We also don't have child care costs as DC are older.

Our bills & food are more than our mortgage. Just think about that.

I'm sorry you live where house prices are so high, it's rotten. Others who say the forever home at under 30 is unnecessary have a point. I had a house with first DC before our former home. Think about this.

Just to add that even with working out what you think is a really comprehensive budget, life has a way of throwing unexpected costs at you. My DS has recently bought a flat, it was cheaper than the full amount he would have been allowed to borrow, he fully costed all monthly bills and still random stuff happens which eats into the money.

The finances don’t add up. I wouldn’t do it. Its very risky.

That is further than I would be willing to stretch in terms monthly repayments.

There is no way on this earth you will make that amount of money by dog grooming! You have good holidays, pension, sick leave at the moment. You won't have any of that if you're self employed. That makes me think you're living in a dream world.

Your parents have told you they won't mind your dog or any children if you live so far away, yet you are still thinking of buying that house. Why are you being so inconsiderate of your parents?

I fear you don't really understand money

Myself and my partner currently have no credit (other than my car loan which is £222 per month).

So you do have credit! And this is quite a substantial amount to be paying each month, before any mortgage payment.

I think buying a 'forever home' at your ages is a bit silly, personally, but I think the concept is bizarre anyway. no-one know what will happen in life. 'm surprised you are able to borrow that much, and £2k a month on your salaries is a lot, especially if you're considering going self employed and having kids. If I were you I'd stick it out in your job for the sake of sick leave and paid maternity leave. Your parents are being a bit OTT I think, it's your decision. But they are doing you a favour now with dog sitting, and possible child care, so they're allowed to state their limits on this. I'd look for something cheaper that suits you shorter term, and if you do want/need their help, you do have to consider proximity to them. And please please protect the deposit you are putting into the new property, especially if you're not married.

Don't quit your job for a dog grooming business. This can be a side hustle. Once you have kids you'll need a steady income.

Bear in mind the realities of childcare costs and a massive bonus if your parents are willing to help out.

Don't over commit yourself. Why commit yourself to a forever home now? The point of the property ladder is with every property you buy and sell, you will grow your equity/capital for the next property.

Your parents should have no say in where/what you choose to buy. On the flip side, you have to accept that you’ll need to factor in dog care/child care costs if you move to a play that they’re not comfortable with travelling to in order to help you with these things.

I don’t subscribe to the normal MNs view of “We earn 9k but a mortgage of £500 would give me palpitations” however I think that’s quite a commitment for you. Particularly as you want a dc, will have childcare costs and want to leave a secure job with an excellent pension.

I missed that bit! That's even less money left than I thought!

Are you and your partner already living together?
you need to write a proper budget (money saving expert has a good budgeting spreadsheet on this website.)
Although you like this particular house I would strongly advise to carry on looking around and to stay open minded. If its a forever home you are buying research school catchment areas, amenities, traffic etc its often little things that make life easy that count a lot in your daily comfort of living.
Poky houses can be extended, and there is a reason why some areas are less expensive... having parents who are interested and willing to help with possible future childcare is incredibly lucky, they are trying to prevent you from making a mistake IMO

Id buy it, but i'd put down more in the deposit to bring the monthly payments down and then I would pay for the renovations as and when I could afford them.

There is no guarantee your parents will help with children. Old people can suddenly become very unwell.

Is there a backstory here?

Have you been rubbish with money in the past & they've had to bail you out?
Have you had a sibling that's done similar?
Have they had hard times financially?

With the 20 minute commute, they're laying out the boundaries. It sounds cold, and I wonder if an extra drive would actually come between them & their DGC in reality... but you have to respect it & plan for it.

Personally, 2k mortgage on best case 5k take home, a big house that needs work, going self employed & having small kids with no family help (so + ££ childcare) all in a short time sounds terrifying to me... but I am financially cautious by nature.