Parents giving me the cold shoulder over house buying

[DAISYBELLAxx]

Hello. Looking for some advice if possible please...

Myself and my partner (28 and 30) are looking to buy a property. I have equity in savings from a previous property I sold, and once he sells his flat (currently on the market) he should get a good amount of equity too.

We have seen a house we both really like in Surrey (where our families both live) and are wanting to do a second viewing. The house is offers around £500,000. We plan to put down a £100,000 deposit, which will also leave us both with £20,000-£30,000 in savings each. The house needs some modernisation and renovations, so this should give us some funds to do this (although we would need to pay people as we are not good at DIY!)

We have spoken to a mortgage advisor, who says that the monthly mortgage would be around £2,000 per month. I am a teacher who takes home £2,444 per month, and my partner takes home around £2,800 per month.

We have no children currently, but plan to within the next three years. I am also not very happy in my job and plan to go self employed (dog groomer) within the next few years.

My parents are giving me a bit of a hard time every time I bring up the house. They want us to buy closer to them, as they are saying that if we have children, it will make things easier for us (especially when I plan to go self employed) which I do understand. But they have told me that if we move over 20 minutes away, we are on our own with childcare and dog care (they currently look after my dog whilst I am working). However, they do not seem to understand that when we look closer to them, the house prices are so expensive (hence the £500,000 for this house). They showed us around a family friends house at the end of their road (which is for sale for £460,000) It was quite pokey and needed so much work - it wasn't right for us.

Our requirements are that we are looking for a forever home, with plenty of space for a family to grow and a decent sized garden for our dogs and also the groom room.

My parents view is that there is cheaper housing around. There is - but it just doesn't fit what we are after. And when it is cheaper, it is further away from my parents. They have said that if we go along with this house, things will go wrong and we will not be able to pay the mortgage. They are just being very negative in general (I do understand their points and know that they are only looking out for us, but they do not understand my arguments).

Myself and my partner currently have no credit (other than my car loan which is £222 per month).

I am feeling 50/50, as I always have valued my parent's opinion. And with children coming up and a change of job, I am worried about the bills being paid. My partner reassures me that all will be fine and that this is the perfect house for us, but I am feeling unsure due to my parents views.

Any advice? Is £2,000 per month too much? I used to pay £600 for a three bedroom house, but that was back in 2019. I just don't want us to struggle but I know something has to give. Thank you. :)

Self employed people get maternity allowance instead of statutory maternity allowance, and it is the same amount per week I believe. I’ve received it twice while self employed.

2 years ago it was impossible to find a groomer- much easier now. The lockdown poos will be dead in 8 years (I have a rehomed one)

My groomer is always full. They work as a pair and take in about £330 a day between them (based now what I pay for 2 and times you can get for each session) . No pension, no sick pay

38% of your income will be going on the mortgage. I think you may struggle if you consider childcare costs for the future. How stable is your partners job?
If its very safe then you should be OK?

Hi op,

your parents may have a point in finances prospect. You will have to remortgage as in your new job…will you be able to get another mortgage?
also children are very expensive so if the mortgage only and with both salary is already eating half of your take away income…I wouldn’t go for it.

that said, you are the only one being able to say what will be your income and how much you are willing to strech. You are warned on the conditions of your parents so as long you are respecting that 🤷🏼‍♀️

Buy the house, screw the parents, the dog hobby will never come off anyway and moving house costs a shit load.

£500k today will feel like £250k in 10 years.

You need to plan your future around doing it yourself - childcare, dog care etc. if they can help with these things then great but things get in the way of plans, what if your parents become ill

Personally I wouldn't dream of doing what you're thinking. Just because the bank will lend you the money why does not mean you should take it. We were in the same situation twice and both times we went for a house far less than what we were able to borrow. I was very glad of that when dh was out of work due to the financial crash 2008 ish.

You are £2222 down before you've put a morsel of food in your mouths let alone all your bills, fuel etc. Children cost a lot more than you think.

If you do dog grooming in the evenings and weekends and in the schools holidays for extra income then it may be doable

Your parents are bu. You only have to read a few threads to realise that family proving childcare can often result in issues. Get the house you want to plan to pay for your own childcare and dog sitters.

Tbh your parents will no doubt come around to the idea once it's clear it's happening and by them refusing any kind of support will result in them missing out.

This happened to us

Dd had a life threatening illness as a young teenager and everything changed.

You just don't know what will happen

Your budget is much too tight. Esp if you're thinking of dog grooming instead of teaching.
Buy a smaller cheaper house nearer to your parents and trade up when you can see the lie of the land.
I think your folks speak the truth!

id take your parents out of the equation totally. It doesn’t do to rely on anyone but yourself. My husband and I never had any help from either of our parents with the children and wouldn’t want it any other way.
you need to be able to stand on your own two feet.
if you want the house you’ll make it work.
ignore your parents!

Go for it.
Ignore your parents.

It's definitely the right and sensible thing to do in the long term.

You won't look back.

Jeez, so many looking back and scared not looking forward.

Get busy living or get busy dying.

20 minutes drive is short. I feel like they must have other concerns and are making this a thing for different reasons.

I only have one question, @DAISYBELLAxx

Is this house for you or for your parents and everybody else on the internet?

To add another perspective - we are similar ages (one child) and just bought our first home (albeit a 270k house) but we hadn’t the funds you have for deposit and savings.

Our mortgage is 30% of our income - I think it’s what’s needed to get on the housing ladder tbh. It’s naive of other people to say otherwise, in the area you’re looking you’d have to make huge sacrifices to lower the mortgage amount.

I think providing you do your maths, and can afford all your bills and are willing to stick to a tight budget it’s doable. We did this knowing it wouldn’t be forever (at the beginning of our careers etc.) unfortunately it’s not comparable to peoples situations that have been homeowners for a long time (which is probably where most of your replies have come from - and where you parents opinions are probably arising). You know your situation and whether this is doable for you!

ps. I’d absolutely love to be in your financial position 🤣🤣

Partner and I have a sized similar mortgage, albeit we earn a bit more. It's manageable as we always have plenty of money left over each month, but then we don't have kids.

First - i doubt the mortgage will be "around £2000". We are currently looking to remortgage for around £350k, and the best we can get is around £2400 a month. Maybe you are considering a longer term, but either way I suspect it will be north of £2000.

CBA to scroll to see if anyone else has mentioned this, but while the mortgage might be doable given your current employment, a remortgage may be very difficult, and you may then get trapped in a very high rate. The dog grooming might not pay as well as you think, it might turn into a bit of a lifestyle business, or once you have kids you might not work as much. This will mean you are mainly reliant on 1 income, and not a particularly big one considering the size of your commitments.

If the parents are expected to pick up and drop off the dog and a future DC for care every single day, then that’s a 2x 40 min commute a day at peak time all week.

It is perfectly reasonable to say they are not prepared to do a longer commute than that.

£2000 is way too much. You are going to struggle with that when children come along. Mine and DH’s salary is same and we have a £800 mortgage, there’s no way I’d want to pay more than that. Children are expensive!

The tone of writing was bitter and horrible.

My kids who also live at home for similar reasons would agree with me.

@MariaVT65 I know what point you were making.* *

OP has set out her figures in terms of one salary to pay for XXX and the other salary to pay for YYY.

Basically @MariaVT65's point is that it took more than just the one salary to pay for childcare and that you needed to use both to help meet those costs.

What she doesn't mean - as is clear - that she is some little women begging her husband for money.

It's common to hear "help" used in that context. "Every little helps", "Help with energy bills", "I'll need to borrow at the end of the month to help pay for car repairs"

No nasty comments on anyone's relationship were warranted.

I’ll be honest on your current salaries you cannot afford a 400k mortgage. However my friend left her job in a school last year to set up a dog grooming room in her home. She now works 5-7 days a week, flexible hours and makes £1000-£1500 per week! It is extremely lucrative and she was booked up mostly from the start. Good luck x

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-civil-partnership-legal-differences/

This is the reason why people are advising you to get married first, especially before children, for the legal protection.

I'd also advise you to reduce your teaching job to 2/3 days a week & build up your business first. This way you have a regular income while setting up your business & you can quit teaching once it's fully sustainable.

Sorry OP but you can’t afford the house or a child at this stage. If either of you lose your jobs or the relationship fails you’re up shit creek.

Also, being in the throes of renovating a house I can say with confidence that £30K barely scratches the surface.

Agree with others. Why be in such a hurry? And who expects to go from renting to a 'forever home' in one leap? You're leaving yourself very vulnerable if something happens and there's only one income, especially if you need help from your parents.