Is not working in this day and age acceptable?

[Lilly1102]

I have a financially secure job, it’s easy and although my colleagues exclude me sometimes and are bitchy it pays really well and I can afford the things I like.

But it’s so toxic sometimes (I’m a kind, non-judgemental and far from a bitchy person but unfortunately my colleagues are just that so I I’d quite like to quit.

I’ve had previous jobs and experienced the same thing.

I’ve thought about whether it’s me that the issue and I don’t think it is because I’m just a normal, fun, sociable lady in my mid-twenties (the bitchy people in question are actually in their 30s!).

Anyway, my boyfriend said that if I want to quit then I have his full support and if I never want to work I don’t need to.

The thought of it is so attractive because as long as I can afford my gym membership monthly I can just stay at home, bake and clean.

Of course I could go elsewhere and look for a job but the same thing would happen.

I’m just not married yet and probably do need a job so I can buy my own things and not worry about my boyfriend saying ‘do I really need another skirt’ if it’s with my own money. Because we are not wealthy but can definitely afford to live comfortably and normally if I quit. But we wouldn’t be able to have a lavish lifestyle and I would like to have a very high-end wedding which might be difficult on just my boyfriends salary, although maybe we could have family help.

I also love going on holiday (which tbh, is the only thing my money goes on because my boyfriend doesn’t care less about holidays) so I guess if I quit we would have to just not go on holiday - but maybe I would be happier and wouldn’t feel the need to go on holiday if I wasn’t surrounded with toxic people.

I wouldn't ever want to be financially dependent on another person, especially if not married.
You'd be absolutely mad to give that up and you need to consider long term like pensions etc what this will look like

Given how many marriages end in divorce- and you are not even married- this would be a very, very foolish thing to do. How would you support yourself if your BFdumped you?

Of course I could go elsewhere and look for a job but the same thing would happen

How do you know unless you try?

Anyway, my boyfriend said that if I want to quit then I have his full support and if I never want to work I don’t need to

And what happens when he's working flat out to support you and a couple of kids and gets a bit fed up with that scenario? or you get divorced and you've absolutely nothing in the way of skills to fall back on?

As far as I can see your plan is to quit work because people are mean and leech off other people for the next 40/50 years. As a life plan it's got a lot of flaws.

"Acceptable" to whom?

Personally, I wouldn't rely on someone else financially. And I would be miserable not doing anything.

However the fact you think that all working women in their 30s are bitches means it might be right for you. NB I am not in my 30s, and I get on well with many people in my workplace and in general.

But it’s so toxic sometimes (I’m a kind, non-judgemental and far from a bitchy person but unfortunately my colleagues are just that so I I’d quite like to quit.

I’ve had previous jobs and experienced the same thing.

if you're experiencing the same thing in every job, what's the common denominator here?

Why not do what you want OP?

(Maybe with one eye to the future though? Depends what your skill set is now and if you have any thoughts to those in the future.)

Of course I could go elsewhere and look for a job but the same thing would happen

Why don't you look and see why this is happening and try and change?
Don't give up work

A man isn't a plan.

If you don't get on with anyone in any workplace, is it maybe time to do some self-reflecting?

I can't believe this post, really. Not going on holiday would be the least of your worries.
Take a look at the number of women left high and dry by their boyfriends on here. Who have also convinced them marriage is just a piece of paper.

When not married honestly this should not even be an option you are seriously considering, he could change his mind about you tomorrow and suddenly you’re left with absolutely nothing.

Marriage would protect you to some extent but even then not completely because if you split you will still be left with £0 coming in and may find it hard to get back into a career after time doing nothing.

It's a really bad idea to become completely dependent on your boyfriend.

I'd be looking for a different job/sector/environment. Look into working for yourself you say you like to bake maybe something that involves that.

It would raise some questions for me that your boyfriend is on board for you to give up work I'd be looking at the relationship as a whole and thinking does he have the potential to be controlling/ happy with a dynamic where he controls all the money and expects the housework done. I'm assuming you're rather young too? Wanting to give up holidays work and independence when you're not married is really not a good idea.

I’m 60.

Ive never worked anywhere bitchy. And l was in a ‘bitchy’ industry.

You get what you give. I’d try and change you’re attitude rather than pack your job in.

Oh yeah mid 20s I've just seen. That's super young to give up work. The next job you get could be the one of your dreams with all your best friends waiting for you there's no guarantee it will be toxic again.

Keeping you independence means you always have choices.

What if your boyfriend decides he doesn’t want to work either (especially if he falls in with some bitchy older career boys).

I wouldn’t get universal credit claim any sort of benefit, so no I would not ‘leech’ off other people. And no, I’m not saying all working women are bitches, I was explaining the situation at my work place.

my point is - I do have skills, I have two degrees and if I were to ever get ‘dumped’ or ‘divorced’ I would just go back to work.

I think you need to develop a thicker skin. There’s always going to be people you don’t get along with in the workplace, and life in general. You can’t just avoid them.

Not all women in their 30s are bitchy!

Longer term I'd worry about what I'd do if the relationship didn't work out but personally I don't think it would be an unreasonable thing to do short term. It sounds like these workplaces are taking their toll on you and a break might give you some headspace to figure out if there is something else that might suit you better like working from home or self employment.

@Lilly1102 what industry do you currently work in? Are you hoping for children in the future? If you stopped work and things with your bf didn't work out, would you have to start from the beginning or could you enter the workforce on a similar level?

I personally wouldn't give up work in your current position but I would consider taking time out to retrain in something you enjoy, and is child friendly if you see children in your future. Or just save so you have funds to support yourself if you have children.

A lot of people don't want to be financially dependent on someone else but if it suits you and you know you would be ok if the relationship ended then go for it. Life is too short to stay unhappy for what ifs

You might have skills and two degrees but it's not always easy to reenter the workplace once you've left it.

Still if you want to leave work no one's stopping you.

My goodness you sound immature! I think perhaps you are indeed the problem at work 😂

I have two degrees in tough subjects, considerable skills and speak 3 languages. I took time off to be an SAHM and it was still very hard to get back into my career. Took a pay cut. And this was in a thriving economy pre the Tories.

Have you looked at the job climate out there?

so no I would not ‘leech’ off other people

Your bf would be supporting you, despite not having a high salary. Where's the money coming from for your holidays and gym? (and if you think in your 20s that never going on holiday again is going to happen, like I said, as a life plan, it's got flaws).

You reckon other people would be happy to fund your 'high end' wedding. If it's not leeching it's pretty bloody entitled.

Get married first

Never stay at home unless you are married. Period. What about saving and investing for retirement? Now is the best time to put money away. Honestly, you sound a bit immature. If you don't like your current job, move on, but quitting work when you have no financial security is not a viable solution.

I get the feeling that is this is real and it happens the marriage will be 'next year for sure' for the next ten years. At which point bf gets fed up with being the sole earner and takes off into the sunset.