Is not working in this day and age acceptable?

[Lilly1102]

I have a financially secure job, it’s easy and although my colleagues exclude me sometimes and are bitchy it pays really well and I can afford the things I like.

But it’s so toxic sometimes (I’m a kind, non-judgemental and far from a bitchy person but unfortunately my colleagues are just that so I I’d quite like to quit.

I’ve had previous jobs and experienced the same thing.

I’ve thought about whether it’s me that the issue and I don’t think it is because I’m just a normal, fun, sociable lady in my mid-twenties (the bitchy people in question are actually in their 30s!).

Anyway, my boyfriend said that if I want to quit then I have his full support and if I never want to work I don’t need to.

The thought of it is so attractive because as long as I can afford my gym membership monthly I can just stay at home, bake and clean.

Of course I could go elsewhere and look for a job but the same thing would happen.

I’m just not married yet and probably do need a job so I can buy my own things and not worry about my boyfriend saying ‘do I really need another skirt’ if it’s with my own money. Because we are not wealthy but can definitely afford to live comfortably and normally if I quit. But we wouldn’t be able to have a lavish lifestyle and I would like to have a very high-end wedding which might be difficult on just my boyfriends salary, although maybe we could have family help.

I also love going on holiday (which tbh, is the only thing my money goes on because my boyfriend doesn’t care less about holidays) so I guess if I quit we would have to just not go on holiday - but maybe I would be happier and wouldn’t feel the need to go on holiday if I wasn’t surrounded with toxic people.

How are you going to explain a career gap to potential employers, especially with no kid involved.
Never mind the pension contributions you will miss out on, the fact you will be bored stiff, oh or the fact you will be financially dependent on someone else when you don't need to be?!? Have some pride, seriously.

Have some pride, seriously

And some self-respect. You appear to be very well educated but woefully naive.

It doesn’t matter how well educated you are, taking a lengthy career break will always be seen as a negative and put you back to starting again from a lower position if you decide to go back.
Plus you’ll be asked in depth about facing your CV and why you left your role to do nothing.

Ive been made redundant twice and took time out both times and years later still get grilled by prospective employers about my career break.

I have to agree with a PP. I’m in my 50’s and only once encountered a team of bitchy women and that’s when I was bought in above them from outside and they resented the fact none of them were promoted. But they got over it in time so maybe look inwardly if already at your relatively young age, you're finding a repeat pattern.

Don’t assume qualifications and skills are enough to get your cv noticed in the future. Any time any from the job market will severely limit your future options especially with large companies that have hundreds of applicants. This is because they are now using AI software to sift applications and any gap in your cv is a major red flag to these algorithms.

Also, unless you go into management, as you progress through your career your need to tolerate idiots or for them to tolerate you lessens.

I am quite shocked to see how annoyed / shocked people seem to be at this concept. When no one knows how strong my relationship is with my partner, nor that he loves me so deeply and really is truly not like the average man.

i’m also hurt to see how people immediately assume that I’m the issue at my workplace, I’ve actually come home from my office crying my eyes out many times, because I’ve been excluded from drinks with people I sit so close to at work, and talk to throughout the day. Don’t get me wrong, I like my job and there are other very nice people there, I just don’t sit next to them and can’t because of logistics.

it isn’t pleasant being excluded, especially if you make an effort.

OK, maybe quitting a job for some bitchiness might be over the top, but if I love being at home then that’s also not terrible, is it?

thanks to the people who have highlighted that maybe before marriage, and of course in terms of pensions it’s not the smartest idea and I’ll definitely take that into consideration.

But my boyfriend definitely won’t ’sail Into the sunset’ and he comes from a family where women haven’t had to work so wouldn’t get ‘fed up of it’

Yes, it's acceptable, if you have enough means
not to work and therefore not drain the system.

It's not a good idea to be financially reliant on someone else. It isn't easy to just walk back into the worksplace after time away.

If you don't like your job you should look for somewhere else while still in your current job - why do you expect that people would be unpleasant anywhere else? Or, with boyfriend's support, go part time.

But my boyfriend definitely won’t ’sail Into the sunset’ and he comes from a family where women haven’t had to work so wouldn’t get ‘fed up of it’

I admire your ability to foresee the future so confidently. Good luck with it, then

Never unless married, even then it's risky

How long have you been together? You need the legal protection of marriage before considering something like this. Marriage is there to protect against sailing away into the sunset.

You're lucky, most industries I've worked in have been bitchy. I worked as a flight attendant- bitchy and gossipy. I now work in healthcare - bitchy, gossipy and cliquey.

Thank you and when I say ‘bitchy’ I don’t mean bullying, I just get excluded and it makes me highly self conscious. Tbh I just want to be friends with these women and it’s not reciprocated even though, I am very friendly to them. It’s very degrading, it happened in a previous work place with a girl I also happened to sit next with. I’ve cried my eyes out before worrying if I smell / have bad breath but it only happens to people I work so closely with. I’m not bossy, or arrogant and esp down I know I don’t smell or have bad breath.
The said bitchy girls- I hear them bitch about loads of people at work and I just don’t join in because it’s not nice and I wouldn’t like it being done to me. I’ve done loads of self reflection and at this point, I am totally happy to just stay at home.

although I do agree that maybe I could look into some sort of self-employment and maybe I don’t have to be so drastic and just not work.

I'd normally say who cares what other people think is acceptable, but I'd give other advice in this situation. I think giving up work would be avoidance of dealing with tricky people. If we rely on avoidance as a coping strategy, then our world shrinks. What happens if you go on and have children, and then you don't find the school parents very friendly? You can't remove yourself from that situation. I'm just using that as an example.

What about building your confidence/skills in dealing with difficult interpersonal situations? Or just doing your job and not caring about colleagues' behaviour/attitude? I think there's a few things to explore before finishing work.

I haven't worked full time since my late 20's and have never regretted it for one minute, I'm 50's now. I would get married first if you are going to be relying on your OH though. I would also say consider part time work as that way you have some money for yourself and have something to put on a CV if you need to.

My husband (significantly older) is like this
and has been for 25 years.
Plus, I don't come from a "destitute background"
myself. 45 yo, no kids, no work.
I realise it might spark some ear-bashing.

Find another job OP. Maybe try a smaller company, and do some research on how happy the staff are before you accept the job (try glassdoor, company social media posts etc).

It is certainly not normal for a workplace to be toxic in my experience.

Please don't leave the workforce. A new job, yes. Leaving completely? No. Marriages of 40 years break down, all relationships have that risk and you really could be left high and dry. It happened to me.

Op.... don't do this. You are too young for this anyway. I say that as someone who is financially dependent on my dh and hasn't worked in many years. You'd be better off looking for another job instead.

And just to add if you're a woman in this situation and reliant on him for money, you risk losing your autonomy, having to defer to him for decision making and if he leaves you, you're screwed.

I mean this sincerely - I think you should spend a couple of hours reading any relationship board thread that includes the words 'blindsided' or 'shocked' and see just how common it is for people to feel exactly the same as you about their partners, and then the worst happens. I'm not saying your partner isn't special - but that's what everyone thinks. To quit work and rely on him you need a significant wedge of money kept aside that would ensure you could move out and fend for yourself until you got paid at a new job, which could take weeks or months plus you can't normally move into a new property immediately, so you'd need money to cover a hotel etc in the interim. Plus you should continue paying into your pension.

I made great friendships at work in my 20s. Then I turned 30 and life outside work got more important (husband, kids). If they aren’t actually being nasty, just not inviting you for drinks or being properly matey, they are being reasonable and this should not make you cry.

Possibly seek friends outside of work at the same life stage as you?

You're in your mid 20s and just want to stay home, bake and clean?

Stay in work. Get a new job if necessary, go on holidays and have a lavish wedding.

Don't just bake and clean.

OP i think you should do what you want and what you feel comfortable with. No one knows your relationship. But I would also think carefully about what you will do if you don’t work and whether you can do any volunteer work or part time work to keep a foot in the door.

Lots of red flags here. He sounds very controlling. Dump him and move on. You deserve so much better than this.

I will never be reliant on a man after seeing my poor mum struggle when my dad left when I was 16. He always paid more than he needed to going by CMS but my mum who had stayed at home since I was born suddenly had to go back to work. She had to start from the bottom again on minimum wage when my dad was earning £600 a day. He retired at 58 and has a very comfortable life where my mum is early 60s, still has a mortgage and will be working until 67 just to survive. I still remember hearing her cry herself to sleep every night about finances when I was a teenager.

I wouldn't be against taking a short time out of the workplace to decide what you want to do career-wise if your partner is willing to finance it but I'd never leave work completely even if you are married. As much as you think you'll be together forever right now you don't know how things will change as you age. My husband and I have been together for 16 years and still very much in love but I won't ever take that for granted