Is not working in this day and age acceptable?

[Lilly1102]

I have a financially secure job, it’s easy and although my colleagues exclude me sometimes and are bitchy it pays really well and I can afford the things I like.

But it’s so toxic sometimes (I’m a kind, non-judgemental and far from a bitchy person but unfortunately my colleagues are just that so I I’d quite like to quit.

I’ve had previous jobs and experienced the same thing.

I’ve thought about whether it’s me that the issue and I don’t think it is because I’m just a normal, fun, sociable lady in my mid-twenties (the bitchy people in question are actually in their 30s!).

Anyway, my boyfriend said that if I want to quit then I have his full support and if I never want to work I don’t need to.

The thought of it is so attractive because as long as I can afford my gym membership monthly I can just stay at home, bake and clean.

Of course I could go elsewhere and look for a job but the same thing would happen.

I’m just not married yet and probably do need a job so I can buy my own things and not worry about my boyfriend saying ‘do I really need another skirt’ if it’s with my own money. Because we are not wealthy but can definitely afford to live comfortably and normally if I quit. But we wouldn’t be able to have a lavish lifestyle and I would like to have a very high-end wedding which might be difficult on just my boyfriends salary, although maybe we could have family help.

I also love going on holiday (which tbh, is the only thing my money goes on because my boyfriend doesn’t care less about holidays) so I guess if I quit we would have to just not go on holiday - but maybe I would be happier and wouldn’t feel the need to go on holiday if I wasn’t surrounded with toxic people.

OP, you are too young to give up work completely, especially without the legal protection of marriage!

Change your job if it is toxic, burt do not leave the workforce altogether.

Do not be mistaken that a good education, skills and experience will be enough to get back easily into the work place after taking a career break. Yes, these things help, but any future employer will be thinking rightly or wrongly - why a career break in mid 20's without a young child or caring responsibilities? Subconsciously they will probably think you are lazy and do not really want a job.

Why not build your confidence and self- esteem up by gaining experience in a new job and doing courses in confidence, assertiveness etc - all will teach you how to deal with difficult people.

you will always come across arsehole colleagues at work . It is not nice to be excluded, no, but remember your colleagues are not your friends! Most of them will be polite and professional because they have to be at work, but most would throw you under a bus if it came to it! Avoid the gossip and be polite and professional yourself!

They are not worth crying over and leaving the work force for!

You are so much better than that, gain some pride and respect yourself - not to be financially dependent on anyone else at this stage in your life!

Do you have a hygiene problem? Are you showering every morning ? Using a good deodorant? Wearing clean clothes? I ask because I have a colleague, who showers at night, but she smells unwashed when she arrives in the morning, but she is oblivious to it .

When you are married and have financial protection, should anything go wrong in your relationship that is when you can make the decision to give up work and stay at home for a few years to nurture any future family. That"s for your future, but it isn't for now in my opinion!

I am older than you

It is better to be working when you are young. Do you really want to take time off now & be working when you are 60+ ?

Do you currently pay into your workplace pension
?
You should do this

You will need 35 years of National Insurance contributions from work or benefits to provide you with a full state pension

State pension age is currently 66, but it will be 67, 68+ for younger people
The current state pension is approx 11k, can you live on that ?
How do you expect to support yourself in retirement ?

If you give up work who will be paying your National Insurance contributions & secondly into a private pension or savings ?

Do not rely on a man or anyone to provide support for you.

Update your CV & look for another job

Look to join some hobby or volunteer groups outside work to socialise

You’d be absolutely certifiably insane to not work with no real reason not to do so. What about a pension? What if your boyfriend loses his job. What if, heaven forbid, he died, or got sick. Listen to all the older wiser women on here telling you that even the strongest relationships change over time. And as for “oh I’ll just go back to work” well mark my words, you may well get a job, but with out of dates skill and huge gap with no real reason on your cv, it won’t be anywhere near the level you are now, or would want to be, at a later stage in
life.

Madness, absolute madness.

"You want gym, bake & clean" - Total reliance on someone else.

Working provides you with independence & freedom.
You can buy what you like
Go where you want
Do what you want
Buy, save, invest
Importantly, it provides you with choices if things go wrong with your relationship, your health, your job.
It helps to protect you for the future, because things change & things happen in life that none of us can predict.

Do not give up your job !

You do you.
To an old baggage like me you sound naive.

OP you’re not going to receive validation on here for any way of living that doesn’t involve a career.

No-one on here really knows you and your situation. I’m saying this because I’ve spent my life looking for validation for my choices in life. I’ve only ever asked for advice once on here, and although I received some very thoughtful responses, I just found myself thinking “But that just wouldn’t work for me”. I’ve just gone against everyone’s advice and bought myself a fairly expensive campervan. This may sound odd but I feel empowered and all my energy has returned (I used to have to lie in bed all afternoon). I feel this is because I’ve taken control of my own life.

That said, you may think you’re doing what you want but just be handing over control to your boyfriend. If you’re reliant on him then you’re giving away all your power. If you argue, you’re not going to stand your ground because you’ll be worried about him leaving and gradually your relationship will become very one-sided. So I’d suggest re-training and becoming self employed, even if it’s only part time.

I think you also need to do some work on yourself and your self esteem. Why on Earth would you want to be friends with bitchy women? I get how difficult it is to be lonely…I’ve recently moved to a different area and the women I’ve met so far are more bitchy than where I lived before. There’s more of a small town mentality here that I’m not used to. I know I’m a pleasant, authentic sort of person and I don’t want to be around people who necessitate keeping my guard up.

Is there a reason you want a lavish wedding? It’s a terrible waste of money. What if you’re ill on the day?

When no one knows how strong my relationship is with my partner, nor that he loves me so deeply and really is truly not like the average man.

I'd bet that most women who have been left or cheated on felt like this initially.

I doubt OP is coming back. We have scoffed at The Love That Conquers All..

Assuming this isn't a spoof post, you should not give up work. Instead you need to find a new job which has a more pleasant environment. A man is not the plan as another poster has wisely said!

Please try to think more positively about the benefits of work and financial independence, even if that's just to treat yourself to nice holidays and save for the wedding you want. Honestly life is sooooo expensive - unless you have a very high earning husband (note husband not boyfriend) you will need two incomes to have a decent standard of life - own home, car, holidays, kids, sports and leisure etc. When I was young I had a creative low earning job and was convinced money didn't matter. Well I changed my tune when I needed to get a mortgage, replace unreliable car etc.

Staying at home to clean and bake isn't really a life to aspire to is it? Don't you want more than that. I'm 50 years old and even my mum who was very traditional in lots of ways drummed it into me to never be financially dependent on a man. I tell my own daughter the same thing!

You need to have your own savings and pension, and a job (even part time) in case you end up splitting up, he dies, becomes abusive, no longer wants to support you etc etc. It will be incredibly hard to get back into the workforce if you take a few years out. Have you considered going freelance or starting a business if you don't like having colleagues?

You would be absolutely foolish to do this. Particularly if you plan marriage and children.
Look at the divorce stats.
You build your career in your 20s-40s, and your earning power. You can't just get that time and career progression back if he buggers off and you end up as a single parent.

MinnieMountain · Today 13:50

Wouldn’t you be bored OP?

Of course she won't be bored. She's going to 'clean' and 'bake.'

I do agree with all of this. But I do wish people wouldn't start a post that is full of scathing criticism, with 'kindly......' 9 times out of 10, the comments are not remotely 'kind' when people do this!

100% THIS! ^ In spades!

This can't be for real. Slow day at work today?

I was eyerolling because it's a standing MN suggestion. Need money? take in ironing. As OP doesn't want to work I can't see her building an ironing empire, somehow.

Honestly, I’d have a fundamental lack of respect for anyone choosing not to work to live off their boyfriend/husband if no kids were involved. I don’t think the idea that work is essential for men and optional for women is helpful for anyone.

If I had a son or brother whose partner announced that they'd be giving up work to be supported by said son or brother I'd be having a word in said son or brother's ear.

It's not really as straightforward as having degrees and being able to "just go back to work".

Once you've been out of work for a decade (or even a few years), your degrees and skills will become redundant, whatever sector you are in. You will be a less appealing prospect for employers.

You could find it hard to find a job that pays well enough to sustain you if you find yourself on your own.

It is important to have your own income independent of your partner - particularly if you're not married/ don't have lots in savings.

As others have also pointed out, if you don't work then your pension will be non-existent too, so you could face a very poor old age.

Not the most kindly worded reply but I do agree with this.

Anyone's relationship can go south, OP. Anyone's. It's great that you are in such a solid relationship, but you simply cannot be sure that you will still be with this man for the rest of your life, however good things are now. Something could happen to him, for one thing. None of us know what tomorrow might bring.

You really shouldn't put yourself in a position where you are completely financially dependent on him.

@Lilly1102 as long as you do not rely on government handouts, do what you want!

It's a really bad idea to give up work. Especially just to bake and clean and be totally reliant on a boyfriend.

You've also changed your post... these women aren't bitchy to you, they just don't want to be friends with you outside work. And there's nothing wrong with that. No one has to be friends with the people they work with. If it bothers you so much have you ever suggested a drink with any of your colleagues? Or are you waiting to be asked?

It's really not a good idea to give up work because your colleagues haven't asked you to socialise with them. If you don't like where you work, get another job and start as you mean to go on. Get involved. Suggest meet ups outside of work and see what happens.

Anyone's relationship can go South, OP. Anyone's. It's great that you are in such a solid relationship, but you simply cannot be sure that you will still be with this man for the rest of your life, however good things are now. Something could happen to him, for one thing. None of us know what tomorrow might bring.

My parents marriage was solid. DF dropped dead aged 40 leaving DM with three DC (two under 10) and the need to find a job with no qualifications whatsoever bar a 20 year old Pitman cert for typing.

I attempted to work when I was 17/18, managed about 4 months in 2 different jobs (1 month in one 3 months on next). Never worked again and never will unfortunately. I’m grateful for a benefits system that supports me but I wish my life wasn’t this way. If you can work OP try to unless it’s affecting your health

I had a week off recently. It was nice. I went for a long walk, made some millionaire shortbread and cleaned up a bit, had coffee with a friend, took in a show.