Is not working in this day and age acceptable?

[Lilly1102]

I have a financially secure job, it’s easy and although my colleagues exclude me sometimes and are bitchy it pays really well and I can afford the things I like.

But it’s so toxic sometimes (I’m a kind, non-judgemental and far from a bitchy person but unfortunately my colleagues are just that so I I’d quite like to quit.

I’ve had previous jobs and experienced the same thing.

I’ve thought about whether it’s me that the issue and I don’t think it is because I’m just a normal, fun, sociable lady in my mid-twenties (the bitchy people in question are actually in their 30s!).

Anyway, my boyfriend said that if I want to quit then I have his full support and if I never want to work I don’t need to.

The thought of it is so attractive because as long as I can afford my gym membership monthly I can just stay at home, bake and clean.

Of course I could go elsewhere and look for a job but the same thing would happen.

I’m just not married yet and probably do need a job so I can buy my own things and not worry about my boyfriend saying ‘do I really need another skirt’ if it’s with my own money. Because we are not wealthy but can definitely afford to live comfortably and normally if I quit. But we wouldn’t be able to have a lavish lifestyle and I would like to have a very high-end wedding which might be difficult on just my boyfriends salary, although maybe we could have family help.

I also love going on holiday (which tbh, is the only thing my money goes on because my boyfriend doesn’t care less about holidays) so I guess if I quit we would have to just not go on holiday - but maybe I would be happier and wouldn’t feel the need to go on holiday if I wasn’t surrounded with toxic people.

If literally all of your jobs have involved you being surrounded by intolerant, judgmental, bitchy colleagues, I think you might want to consider again whether you're the issue. Absolutely I've worked with some horrors, but but in every job, and obviously far from every person.

And kindly, you sound spectacularly naive and a bit workshy, if you're planning to become economically inactive in your mid-20s, and wittering about how all you need is your gym membership and holidays. Are you forgetting that food, clothing, shelter etc are not free? Are you genuinely prepared to 'retire' from the workplace in your 20s, just because you can't get on with your colleagues?

As I say, you're very lucky! I've actually left a job due to the toxic atmosphere. All it takes is one person to drag it down unfortunately.

I think giving up work when you're only in your mid twenties is rather extreme. Maybe your boyfriend is as great as you say he is and will always be so...but do you want to bet the rest of your life on it? As others have said, after a signficant period of time out of work, it is extremely hard to "just get a job". You also need to think about what you want your life to look like over the next 60-something years (travel, not having to justify personal expenditure, a financial safety net and retirement savings).

I also agree with @MoonStarsAndRainbows , that you need to work on developing a thicker skin. Some workplaces are great, some are toxic, some are a mix. Some individuals we click with and some we don't. You'll come across that in all facets of life. That's no reason to stay in a toxic work environment, but nor is it a reason to give up all work altogether.

Do you have many friends outside of work, OP? It may be worth expanding your social circle and trying new activities, so that you're not looking to work to fill those gaps.

I think the "workshy" bit is a little harsh without knowing the full circumstances.

Why not set up your own cleaning business if that's what you enjoy doing? I think boredom will soon kick in if you leave work altogether, it can be enjoyable in summer, but long miserable days in winter if you only have your housework to look forwards to.
There's also the practicality of it financially.

You sound incredibly naive.

Or she could always take in ironing. 🙄

I remember when I was in my twenties and thought everyone hated me. They didn't. It was my own insecurity and paranoia. Gets better as you get older.

@Lilly1102

I would never do this with someone I am not married to. May be a BIT more OK f you're in your mid to late 50s! The idea of giving up work and just being a 'lady of leisure' in your 20s is a new kind of farcical!

Which full circumstances? The OP is not making the obvious to decision to change jobs, if she doesn't like colleagues in her current job, but instead to opt out of ever working again, and becoming economically dependent on her boyfriend for the rest of her life, while appearing to believe all she spends her income on currently is gym membership and holidays. I would say that her spectacular financial naivete and poor judgement suggest she should focus very hard on making sure she remains financially independent.

You sound very naive. You need to think long term. Pension? How will you manage if you split/partner becomes ill or dies? You can’t just stroll back into the workplace after a long time out. A lot of people would quite like to mooch around at home rather than work. It’s just not realistic for most.

I’d just look for another job. I’ve never come across this bitchiness is my jobs. There have been some people who are bitchy but they normally end up leaving.

Just cleaning and baking all day sounds awful. Can you not retrain or look at being self employed? Maybe just part time for something to do. I’d hate being so reliant on my partner.

I've lived this way for 17 years due to a long list of diagnosis but I don't have money to live on 😦

Not to mention that her boyfriend is Not Like Other Men and his love for her is too deep and pure to be understood by mere peons who have lived a bit, and that he will definitely be both willing and able to support her comfortably for the next sixty years.

No need for the sarcasm and eyerolling, there are people who have established very good businesses from cleaning, a world away from taking in ironing 🙄. If that is what the op enjoys doing she might as well capitalise on it.

I don't work OP... I also stopped working in my 20s. But I'd say there are so many avenues you can explore before staying at home! What about a different job? A part time job? Your own business? You're so young and it just seems such a waste to cut yourself off from all the potential out there.

I think you should leave the job you hate and get something else. Doesn’t even need to be full time.
Then you can trial the not working and see how you feel. When I was made redundant it was horrible, I missed the money and my colleagues. I think you’ll regret it as the grass isn’t always greener.
People on here are too harsh, you only get one life. But equally a part time job will be more helpful to you right now I think and help you make the decision going forward. It is hard having no earnings and relying on someone else. There are loads of work from home jobs now.
best wishes

"just go back to work" - that makes it seem like such an easy thing to do.
I wouldnt be so blase about it. So many people competing for jobs. If you've got one.............. keep it. Maybe reduce your hours/seek another one but keep a job if at all possible.

Yes, well, that is a bit baffling, I agree.
It's just - such life the OP wants IS possible, however, without expecting fairytales.
I don't think not wanting to work or "see people"
is that uncommon.

But my boyfriend definitely won’t ’sail Into the sunset’ and he comes from a family where women haven’t had to work so wouldn’t get ‘fed up of it’

Even if your BF is different to all other men he's not he could get run over by a bus, get sick, get a disability, get depression, have a car crash that gives him a head injury. In the next 50 years.

And you're relying on him not getting bored. Gym, bake clean. No travel, no job, nothing real outside the home. Then he meets someone at work who is interesting and does interesting things. You now have two kids so the sex is on the back burner, less time for the gym, money is tight... And say he never marries you because why would be bother. He owns the house, you have no pension.

Just get another job somewhere else. Look for places with a good culture.

I don’t think it’s great idea unless you have millions in the bank. Anything could happen. Working is what every abled body has to do unfortunately. We all come across people from all walks of life and that’s just life. What are your plans for your pension and what will you live off then? You can’t guarantee you’ll, still be together then.

You've just not found the right job yet. You could look at retraining and trying a different sector/industry? Not all places are like that.

OR start your own business. Work for yourself. Lots of things you can do these days, can take a while to get started, but if your boyfriend is happy to support you for a year or two, while you build your business, then that's great.

I'd not go quitting yet, but I'd definitely start thinking at doing something different next.

Capitalism.

Some workplaces are cliquey and toxic so before you quit working altogether I would encourage you to look elsewhere first. I'd also encourage you to consider -
Pension - will your bf contribute to a private pension for you during the years you aren't working?
NI contributions - will you be able to cover these also so you can get a state pension?
Savings - how will finances work? Will you be given a set allowance each month or have to ask for money? Will you have to justify purchases because your using 'his' money?
I would also be concerned that this could potentially create an unequal dynamic of power which can change your relationship very quickly.

No judgement here, I know of several women who are I guess stay at home girlfriends but I would really encourage you to consider the practicality of it and the impact to not just you but your relationship also x

the idea of early retirement is appealing to me but its needing the $$$$ that prevents me