how can I force H to support my financially in giving up work

[Lostmymarbles0815]

that's if. He doesn't want to. we have split finances. I already only work part time as DC1 has complex SN. I manage by having my part time salary and child benefit and their PIP. However, DC2 is unwell and will in all likelihood not be able to return to school soon. Too many appointments, I will not be able to carry on working and my only income will be carers allowance (£81 weekly). H earns too well for UC. I cannot pay my share of the bills on that. I have no family, no friends and no support network. What do I do? I have some saving but they will not last long. I need to gain access to his salary. how can I legally force him to share?

There are a few possibilities that I would explore fully.

Can you cut down your hours at work or find alternative work that’s less hours or offers more flexibility? It’s highly unlikely your current employer will dismiss you for attending 2 appointments a week, if they are being pushy remind them you are ‘Disabled by Association’ and protected under the Equality Act 2010 and they have a legal duty to act reasonably and allow you flexible working etc. ACAS can offer support and advice with employment issues.

You can explore how much you can get in benefits and CM to top up/replace your income. You don’t need to be divorced to claim CM if you are separated and live separately. I would firstly try to resolve things with your DH and draw up a combined budget, all income and expenses are joint going forward none of this ‘my money/his money’ etc that won’t work.

Failing him fully taking that approach on board I’d consider separating and drawing up a budget for separating either living together or separately. I’d seek legal advice and speak to citizens advice and woman’s aid.

You divorce him and claim child maintenance from him.

Contact women's aid in the meantime, this is financial abuse.

How can he say that you should have prepared incase you had disabled children, honestly some men make my blood boil! He's a disgusting human being.

Either way, you will be better off without him.

There is support out there, please don't think this is it and you can't leave.

Would it be possible for you to look at jobs that are WFH - so that you can do your hours either when your H is home from work or work around appointments?

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or contact a local domestic abuse service by using our Domestic Abuse Directory www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory

You said you can't afford to separate - I think you will actually be much better off by separating, both financially and emotionally.
This man is financially and emotionally abusive.
You can start a claim if you separate even if you're still living with him, and then you can look at moving out.
Please don't feel you have to stay and endure the way he's treating you, there is support out there.

Get outside advice. There will be guidance and support. His behaviour is abusive and he is not honouring his marriage vows/contract. Protect yourself and your children, get support and then get rid of him. He brings nothing to your life, not even financial security or well-being for the whole family.

Thank you all. will look up the links

Allocate him half of the childcare and appointments and ask him how he intends to fulfill that?

This is the most disgusting thing I have ever read. There is no other option but to leave him. The divorce will only be costly to him, you will come out of it much better off financially and mentally. Hope he falls off a Cliff on his solo holiday. The pig.

Tell him today

i have to leave work to look after our kids properly. So from this month I will not have enough money to continue doing a 50 50 split any more. Its up to you what happens from here, you can go and pay maintenance or stay and pay the difference into pur family home. If he goes, you and DC will qualidy for more help and so will just about manage.

Do it today. He is fucking ridiculous and selfish and not doing what he clearly should

You ate being financially abused and it's a crime, report to the police and seek help.

Personally I would divorce him, and claim the money I'm due for me and my kids.

Actually I would just walk out, on him, the kids, the house everything. I probably wouldn't but its what he deserves.

This is domestic abuse/violence. Towards you and his DCs. He will try and prevent divorce 100% so KEEP IT TO YOURSELF and get the ball rolling.

I just managed to divorce my H (it took 2 years) with legal aid.
It is a process. But, if I can do it (in extremely difficult but different circumstances), I promise you, you can too.
My heart goes out to you.
It is incredible that men get away with it.
Mine was incredibly wealthy. They are often the worst. Hiding all their assets, giving you nothing. Simply believing you are not entitled.

You stop paying into the joint account, immediately. But, have bank statements up until the moment you stop (ie up until now)
Get another bank account.

You will get part of his assets and child support.

This is so unacceptable OP. He holidays alone without his family?! Refuses to care for the children, his children of a weekend, what a useless specimen.

Divorce him Op. you’ll be entitled to stuff then

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds atrocious and he is obviously not helping at all (quite the reverse). As a PP said, you need to be proud of managing so far. I honestly don’t know what he thinks will happen, but one way or the other he is no help. I hope that Women’s Aid can help. Another idea is a short term break (3 months?)from work, depending on the quality and policies of your work place this may be possible. But please get yourself some support and keep on posting here. It’s important that you know that you are not alone and your are doing an incredible job.

Is your home owned?
If it, you are married so it will be sold and you will get your share-in your case, the judge might order a larger share.

If not, would you be any worse off on benefits than you are now?
You can't continue to live like this, so you must leave him and do so sooner rather than later.

Let him puff and huff as much as he likes-you are entitled to your share of the house and he can shout until he collapses-there is nothing he can do to change that.

Pull the plug now. Take control

This is just bizarre. Does he not view the children as his responsibility? Why aren't you saying husband needs to step up, take on some childcare and appointments because you need to work too? I wouldn't want to be giving up my only source of income with a husband like that

This is financial abuse, contact women aid or other charities for advice.

As you are in an abusive relationship, you can get legal aid to help with divorce.

You can also apply for council housing for you and the children and will not be classed as intentionally homeless if you are leaving abuse

Once separated, you will then qualify for universal credit for yourself and the children, make sure it includes the carers element and disabled child element

Also put 8n the DLA application for DC2, yes it takes a long time but the sooner you apply the sooner you (hopefully) get it

Claim child maintenance from your ex, you can have CMS take it directly from his pay

Things will be tight on benefits, but you will end up with more money then you currently have available to you.

Oh god, just divorce him; he is vile! You’ll be better off because he clearly does nothing. Do you rent? If so, who is on the tenancy? As others have suggested, seek help from Woman’s Aid - he might not be physically abusive but he is abusive in other ways.

I agree with everyone else. This is abuse and it’s horrible. Do contact Womens Aid for help and definitely divorce this poor excuse for a human being. You and your children will be far better off emotionally and financially, without this disgusting man. 💐

If he is being an arsehole about finances and you are expected to do all the childcare and appointments, send him an invoice for his share of the childcare.. Yep. Make him see how valuable your input is and he would be up the creek without you.

Never have I advised anyone to consider leaving anyone, but I truly would in your circumstances.
Your child that’s suicidal, would they be happier in a different home situation ?
Please consider getting in touch with Woman’s aid for advice.

I wouldn’t even worry about divorce right now. You can separate and be considered two separate people and so you would qualify for UC at that point. You are going to need to start trying to access separate housing though I think. Other people might be better placed to say whether you can separate and still live in the same house.

What considerations did he give around being a father to disabled children or are they not of his loins?

I’m not surprised he’s abusive as nothing else would justify him having such scant regard for his family circumstances .

I'm sorry OP.

I’m assuming they are his children?
I echo others, he’s vile.
I hope you can get support to leave him.