how can I force H to support my financially in giving up work

[Lostmymarbles0815]

that's if. He doesn't want to. we have split finances. I already only work part time as DC1 has complex SN. I manage by having my part time salary and child benefit and their PIP. However, DC2 is unwell and will in all likelihood not be able to return to school soon. Too many appointments, I will not be able to carry on working and my only income will be carers allowance (£81 weekly). H earns too well for UC. I cannot pay my share of the bills on that. I have no family, no friends and no support network. What do I do? I have some saving but they will not last long. I need to gain access to his salary. how can I legally force him to share?

Could an option where you work whilst he has the kids be an alternative solution? Eg a Saturday and Sunday role?

@JoyApple he is not discussing it. Apparently, I should have considered how to support myself in case of having disabled children and being unable to work before having them and it's not his problem I didn't. he just swears and shouts and tells me to fuck off. you cannot talk to him.

What the hell is wrong with him?
Your children, that's yours and his, have complex needs and you're struggling with all the demands on you.

What does he suggest you do then? Ask him what his solution to this issue is then.

surely if you're divorced you'd get better benefits and UC plus CMS. And half of any assets.

Amazing he doesn't see the children as his responsibility. He's not a prince ishe?

I'm just 😮having read this post!! What bloody planet is he on?! He's disgusting! How can anyone predict whether they have disabled children or the amount of care they need? What does HE think should happen? And how should it happen? What a tool.

God, he's awful. Does he not care about his kids at all, if not you?
Stop paying any bills and hoard as much money as much as you can.

Where do bills and rent/mortgage come out of, his/yours/joint account? If you don't have the money then you literally can't pay and if things come out of his account he will have to. Do you have any idea how he'd react then? Does he get nasty/aggressive at all?

The options I can see, stop paying see how he reacts. Seperate under one roof and apply for UC plus child support and anything else you qualify for. Then find a cheaper area ro live and move out. Have you checked to see what you'd get from UC and child support if you separated? Given he expects you to pay half and go without while he's earning well and
goes on holidays alone because you can't pay your way I think if you can manage you'd be better off away from this arsehole.

He is refusing to look after the kids on the weekend. It's his rest time, you see...

I feel really strongly that you shouldnt be paying 50:50 in the first place. Even if you work full time, it only seems fair to me that its split on a ratio basis, i.e. if he earns 3x more he pays 3x more of the bills! Never mind the fact that you work p/t to accommodate care of your children (who presumably are his too?). Maybe point out that if you hsd to pay for childcare it would cost a hell of a lot more, which he would need to contribute to!

no joint account. some things come out of mine (also council tax which I couldn't pay and this worries me) and some of his. roughly 50/50.

Think you need professional help - women's charities?

Having seen your latest post I want to flag up that womens aid are really really helpful in situations like this. He doesn’t have to be physically violent for them to support you.

Your last post reads as though he is deliberately getting cross to stop discussing this, which is a huge red flag.

I work part time because it's only fair. As I do all the work on weekends and he only works full time. I also don't pay bills if I don't want to. His money is your money by right because you have shared kids to look after.

your husband is a piece of shit
unfortunately he won’t be happy at having to share his wages so I would be planning my escape

Do you rent / or have a mortgage
UC won’t pay a mortgage

But honestly I would look into leaving him
claiming UC
becoming one of your kids carers
with 2 disabled kids DLA & universal credit you will be a lot better off

Op I rarely use this word but I will on this occasion your husband is a cunt. The fact that he won't support his wife and children is absolutely disgusting, you'd be better off without him .

Ask womens aid as this is abuse.

This is a man happy to go on holiday alone because his wife and kids can't afford to on your part time wage. I'm genuinely lost for words.

I’m really really sorry but if you can’t get him into counselling or to discuss it properly the. I think that leaving is going to be the only option, however much you love him.

You can’t put your children in a position where they are living in poverty in the same house as their dad who has plenty of money for holidays etc.

This is absolutely shocking. You need to separate from him even if you can't physically leave the house. Start your own benefits claim as a legally separate person.

Re divorce - some solicitors will allow you to owe the fees until you have your settlement (My friend was in this situation).

I would have said walk out and leave him with the kids for a few days and give him a wake up call but obviously because of their care needs you can't do that - he sounds very uncaring.

Honestly whilst it won't be easy, and he'll probably be a total dick about it, you'll probably actually end up better off on benefits and child maintenance (assuming he isn't self employed and can wriggle out if it).

I'm astounded that he goes on holiday on his own because you can't afford to stump up 50%! And that he thinks you should have been prepared (how???) for the possibility of disabled kids. Well so should he surely?!?

He is not just mean with money. He is cruel and abusive.

Your husband is horrible. Of course you cannot work when you have 2 children with high sens needs. I'd call up a women's refuge and ask for advice. Honestly he is not behaving like a husband. He is supposed to pool money and allow you access to it. Not hide it from you and make his wife and children suffer. You'll get universal credits, dla and carers allowance. Don't worry about being alone, benefits will help you.

This is not a marriage or partnership OP. Leave the waste of space as soon as you can. It may be hard initially but it will be worth it in the longer term.

He needs to "pay" you as his child's carer if he doesn't see you as a team. Otherwise, he'll have to pay someone else while you concentrate properly on your job.

I understand the idea of divorce must be very difficult, but I do think it sounds like the best option for you. You'd get benefits and housing and he'd have to pay maintenance.

Agreed

Please

Your share of the bills??? I'm assuming he does his share of childcare and appointments. Honestly sounds like a scumbag, get rid even if he does offer support. Hideous excuse for a father

Agree with others, to get professional advice and women’s aid, legal and financial research about leaving. Then you will be clearer and more confident re. making a decision in your best interests.