Stumped.. even at my advanced age by guy?

[Swanmute]

Would welcome all advice. Dating again in midlife.. been with loving, attentive partner for six months, sex life revigorated. Promises made, holidays booked etc etc. phones me all time.. utterly loving. Yesterday I was shocked that he drove me home from his house early, barely after 10 pm, gave me my coat and casserole dish( I’d cooked tea) and basically’ There’s your hat, what’s your hurry’.. attitude. Today not willing to talk about it, closed down. I asked for conversation to clarify..not happened. So I’m giving him space but he does know I’m finding his behaviour unfathomable.
Two factors he works away.. part of time offshore, we’ve managed this well to date, love seeing him when he’s home. Secondly my adult son is recovering from cancer, going well waiting at moment for CT scan which will hopefully be clear. This man was Uber communicative to me, incredibly responsive and communicative. Was I love bombed..not feeling great tonight?

Could he have met someone else? Whatever it is, if he is ignoring you, then it cannot continue.

I don't understand the hat thing.

So did he say, I'm taking you home now. Would you usually stay? Go later? Did you ask why are you taking me now? What did he say? Or you asked today, 'what was that about?' and he's ignoring you? It's just been today he hasn't responded?

Are you sure he's working away offshore? Or is he leading a double life with you and also has another partner? That could explain why he was rushing you away quickly.

He’s definitely working offshore, has done for two decades. I normally stay as long as I like, he actually said’stay as long as you want?( a day before?) Just seachange in behaviour and unwillingness to discuss today.

Poor you! This sounds rubbish.

Any partner who leaves you confused and upset for whatever reason is a waste of space.

If this is who he is, now then he was putting on an act before. He knows you are upset and he's happy to leave you in the dark?

And how old is he??

☺️The hat thing.. just that I felt really hurried out. He’d said the day before that I could ‘stay as long as I wanted, he didn’t have to get up early?’.. yet he behaved differently? I tend to go home in early hours as have pets? We've just booked holiday,lots of loving behaviour, phone calls , texts? I hoped relationship progressing but it feels he’s backing off. My gut instinct is to leave him to it.. let him have space. I’ve family stuff on( he knows this).. maybe it’s too much for him?

Probably been love bombed and now he is in the next phase which will be treating like you like shit and then offering crumbs to reel you back in.

He’s in fifties.. divorced four years ago.

Why did he get divorced?

It’s impossible to say what the reason for his change in behaviour/demeanour was and if it’s to do with you or unrelated. But if he’s unwilling to acknowledge it or discuss it - there’s your problem.
i think watch and wait. You can’t know someone properly for about 18 months (I read on here! 😆)

So having previously said 'stay as long as you like', at around 10pm he said, 'right up you get, I'm taking you home'?

We tend to stay at his house, my adult son can be at my house at times, he specifically said..’ I’ll pick you up, stay as long as you want and I’ll drop you back’ takes 15,20 minutes? I hadn’t seen him for 17 days.. lots of loving texts until the hours before he picked me up? We ate, made love.. then I was snoozing? He set an alarm so that I only snoozed for half an hour and was waiting with his coat and my crockery when I got downstairs.. it was back of 10pm and I could have stayed until early hours. I felt really bad today, like I might be seeing a different or true side to him. I thought the relationship had real long distance. Feel foolish beyond belief…😔

This really. He had the choice to treat you well or not and the choice he made was to treat you poorly then refuse to communicate about it.

I’m grasping at straws here, but you say your son is recovering from cancer (tons of best wishes from me!), is this something important to him? Did he have a loved one who didn’t recover?

It’s only been six months, I’d think about moving on if no satisfactory explanation comes pretty soon.

Yes.. I’m truly concerned about this.. he did all the hearts and flowers stuff in first few months. It’s just been in last week or two.. the relationship needs to progress and be real.. family / friends etc. I’m so so disappointed and kicking myself..

What did he say when you saw him downstairs?

God no, don’t feel foolish! You put yourself out there, made him dinner, treated him well (presumably), he didn’t communicate. He is the one who should feel foolish, not able to talk at his age?!

Thanks.. no, he didn’t have relative but I think my sons reality( and prognosis is good?).. maybe makes relationship too real. I’m so confused today, all his previous behaviour and words were suggestive of commitment. I will get out of it though if communication doesn’t happen..?

If his divorce was due to something he did like cheating then unfortunately he isn't going to act differently with you. It didn't have to just be cheating though. I always think that the best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour.

This. I’m sorry you are dealing with this op. I hope it’s just a blip but if he is a dick better to find out earlier I guess. You have done nothing wrong.

Either way, none of this is your fault. Why would you not take someone at face value?