Stumped.. even at my advanced age by guy?

[Swanmute]

Would welcome all advice. Dating again in midlife.. been with loving, attentive partner for six months, sex life revigorated. Promises made, holidays booked etc etc. phones me all time.. utterly loving. Yesterday I was shocked that he drove me home from his house early, barely after 10 pm, gave me my coat and casserole dish( I’d cooked tea) and basically’ There’s your hat, what’s your hurry’.. attitude. Today not willing to talk about it, closed down. I asked for conversation to clarify..not happened. So I’m giving him space but he does know I’m finding his behaviour unfathomable.
Two factors he works away.. part of time offshore, we’ve managed this well to date, love seeing him when he’s home. Secondly my adult son is recovering from cancer, going well waiting at moment for CT scan which will hopefully be clear. This man was Uber communicative to me, incredibly responsive and communicative. Was I love bombed..not feeling great tonight?

Has he been in touch since?

No.. we had a firm arrangement to go out at 11 am today.. he’s not showed up or given me any message. I wish I could explain how communicative he was even on Friday and the bulk of Saturday.. but he’s changed and this is poor treatment.. so I’m trying to get on with stuff.

Just an update.. no communication from him today and he didn’t show for date we had firm plans for at 11 am.. he was such a communicative guy, lots of commitment for future and promises.. plans made months ahead. He did appear to fancy me lots?Hols booked, sex pretty damn good, gave me lots of positive affirmation.. just that strange ushering out early after sex on Saturday. He was annoyed I even asked him why he did it..it’s his golf obsessive week though? He’s just gone awol with no regard to my work plans/ days out this week.. all up- ended. It’s also the week I hear about the results of my sons newest CT( had cancer last year)… so my focus, in my wee garden at midday is Self care, go back to hobbies, see my good friend, a tiny bit of Gand T.. I know my worth.

I'm sorry OP, I was really hoping he would have some form of excuse with lots of apologies but not turning up for a firm date as well is not good.

Just in case his golf fever has taken him over and he's on the green(?) right now I suggest you block him. The weathermen say it will start raining Thursday/Friday. That would be a real kick to the gut if that's when he pops up and apologises as he "got scared because he's falling for you" bs.

Best wishes to your son

That's horrible treatment from him @Swanmute
Most odd.

Wishing your ds the very best.

If it were me I would check out the car park of his golf club to see if his car was there, provided the club wasn't too far away.
He might have got a last minute call last night to join a playing partner.
18 holes takes approximately 4 hours 🙄, plus bar time afterwards.

It still doesn't excuse his behaviour in any way but will give you the measure of him.

When this blagger has had his golf fix, and wants his sex fix, you might hear from him OP.

He went so cold suddenly as he found someone else's bed to hop into and he's probably taking them on holiday too. Or else he still has a wife and they found out! Leave this time waster and ghost him back. You deserve someone better than a coward. I doubt golf is your problem here, just a helpful age old excuse man use for affairs.

Sorry op but Something happened that turned him off, gave him the ick if you like, was the sex good? After 17 days there was obviously a build up of lust....he then got post nut clarity (as men call it )chances are you'l be ghosted now....or some lame message in a few days hoping for another hook up....as thats what you'l be from now on in his eyes.
Men, such lovely creatures 🙄

Cheers for that.. you know I was considering blocking him earlier? Yes I think he’s out on course today.. If he had turned up for date, yep we’d have talked and sorted it.. but he wants to fallout so he can play golf methinks? I’m now thinking ‘ I wonder if this was tactic he used with long suffering wife / golf widow. It’s actually a no go for me.. it’s the manipulation? I don’t care how much he plays golf.. I’ve hobbies too? Just be honest. Creating ‘fallout scenarios’ huge red card.. gaslighting in extreme?

The sex was great.. he appeared really into me, liked how I looked etc.. but re the Ick? Yes, the relationship was becoming or about to become ‘Real’.. my son is waiting for first CT scan after having cancer next year. He was about to introduce me to his sons.. hols were booked for October. I think ‘reality was the Ick?’ Not all fun and sex and maybe fake promises anymore. Men indeed!😔

Yes you’re right of course..I won’t check because I think he always has something golf lined up and I now realise he prioritises it. I’m coming to terms with the fact I’ve been used intermittently for company/ sex and staged in role of girlfriend? Yet he was promising the world, super communicative… it was hard to suss and I’m not naive. So backing off!

Yeh possibly, if you was having 'real' conversations, talking about your sons health and such....that can scare some off.
Does he call you his girlfriend? Has he introduced you to friends/family? Does he post you or comment on your social media? Is the holiday booked in both your names? If none of that has happened then its a red flag in itself with regards to male behaviour when they are serious about a woman.
Altho, regardless of all that, the lack of communication since is beyond disrespectful and would be enough to end it for me anyways.
Sorry op

How strange! You could almost understand if he just went away on the rigs and then blanked you, but the fact he came back and you had a mostly nice Saturday night together makes it all the more intriguing. Could something have been said that Sat night he didnt like? Or could he have gone through your phone/handbag and found something that pissed him off? The fact one minute you're having sex, the next he's downstairs with his coat on ready to go seems like something just dawned on him.

Yes he was acknowledging me as partner, told friends etc BUT not much chat about my boys cancer.. (prognosis good and just waiting this week to hear?)So he’s abdicated at this crucial time?😳 He was about to incorporate me into family but hasn’t happened, hols in both names.. but I’ve never been to golf clubhouse, restaurant etc. The lack of comms is a dealbreaker for me as time goes on?

Yes.. I remain mystified. Nothing I can think of he would have been surprised at.. my handbag was with me? There’s tiny things.. interesting.. ?I bought him spice rotunda with spices.. he moaned about the smell of one of them.. was a bit off when we spoke about a climber outside his house.. ( like I’d out stepped my mark?). I am a gardener though. It all points to relationship being more real and him abdicating.. for the golf!

Sorry OP.

I think he wants to engineer a casual/booty call relationship, so is going to keep starting little issues, then messaging you loads when he's away for an ego boost.

If he's stuck somewhere with loads of blokes and 12 hour shifts of course he's going to want to keep you sweet.

then meeting just for sex, then another issue will crop up.

It's easier to snag an attractive woman on the promise of a formal dating situation, and then start lowering standards and breadcrumbing, than it is to meet a new woman.

If he goes on the apps he'll have to chat someone up and take them out and they might not fancy him or be flaky too....No homecooked dinner or guaranteed communication or sex.

I'd just send a quick message closing, block him, cancel the holiday, breathe and focus on your wellbeing and your son. No loose ties and no messages to reel you back in. He knows what he's doing.

I’m so sorry OP. Over time, the “why” will become less important, but I understand how excruciating it is at the moment.

My “friend” dropped me the day before I was due my cancer diagnosis… literally blocked and ghosted me!

That said, why it’s obviously normal to try and wonder WTF is going on with him, probably best not to torture yourself - even though we’re all keen to bloody well know!

Sorry you're hurt and upset at present. He has been very confusing.

I hope you enjoy your activities today and GnT in the garden.

I meant while you were having your post-sex nap, he could have been snooping around your stuff.

Thanks so much.. I’m almost there with this. It’s disentangling all the messages of love or future promises.. from my saddened old brain. Think your advice on track though..💕

How much will you lose on the holiday?

I'd let him know you can't make it. If he's genuine, then you can always rebook.

He's not genuine though if he has just ignored your date. Remember, nice words are easy, but actions matter more.

I want to make something clear; the right guy will NOT make you feel you’re too much or that your sons illness is too much to deal with etc. he won’t prioritise golf over spending time with you. The right guy won’t get ‘scared off ‘ when things look like they might be getting serious

this is not about you doing or not doing something, it’s all about him being disrespectful twat

I wonder if he got a phone call, either while you were napping or just before he picked you up, inviting him 'for a round or two, now the weather has picked up'. He then had to decide what he wanted most - a night with you or an early start for the golf course... and the golf won out. Perhaps a touch of guilt at knowing he was just going back to repeating past behaviours made him not explain what was up?

But it doesn't sound as though he's good partner material anyway. Golf will always in out in any stressful situation and you would always come second to any golfing arrangements (and he'd possibly even want to go off golfing while you were on holiday).

Give them space? A few days ... as opposed to jumping to conclusions