Stumped.. even at my advanced age by guy?

[Swanmute]

Would welcome all advice. Dating again in midlife.. been with loving, attentive partner for six months, sex life revigorated. Promises made, holidays booked etc etc. phones me all time.. utterly loving. Yesterday I was shocked that he drove me home from his house early, barely after 10 pm, gave me my coat and casserole dish( I’d cooked tea) and basically’ There’s your hat, what’s your hurry’.. attitude. Today not willing to talk about it, closed down. I asked for conversation to clarify..not happened. So I’m giving him space but he does know I’m finding his behaviour unfathomable.
Two factors he works away.. part of time offshore, we’ve managed this well to date, love seeing him when he’s home. Secondly my adult son is recovering from cancer, going well waiting at moment for CT scan which will hopefully be clear. This man was Uber communicative to me, incredibly responsive and communicative. Was I love bombed..not feeling great tonight?

He is, I would agree. Cluster B flags all over.

I didn’t say ‘it is fine to have someone over to your house and use them for sex if you’ve changed your mind about the relationship’.

You know what I actually said, because you’ve copied and pasted it from my comment 🤷‍♀️.

I’m not going to argue back and forth with you @SexSectionNameChange because you don’t seem to like being told that you are wrong.

From where I sit, you have tried to defend sociopathic behaviour. And then you’ve belittled the Op. Only you know why.

It does seem he ended it Sunday from those messages. I suppose in his mind if it was over, there was no point engaging further. Men are not always very astute, It might have been helpful to spell out to him that you felt used for sex then ushered out the door. That may have opened up further discussion if that had not been his intention. Strange that it should happen so abruptly after months of getting to know eachother.

Sorry, I’ve explained this several times.. on this thread? On the Sunday I said to him exactly that ‘I felt ushered out, handed crockery.. quickly out the door’ I gave him chance to engage, he refused or denied what had happened. I offered him a conversation a couple of times..so we could try to see each other’s perspective. He disengaged. Then he went off to play golf? During and after sex on Saturday he told me he loved me and I drifted off to sleep in his arms. Yes it is strange.

@Swanmute
you have done nothing wrong!
please do not try and justify yourself

onwards and upwards xxx

So sorry OP you have gone through this - how horrible to be treated this way.

I don’t necessarily read the message on Sunday as him ending it, the comment about finding someone else seems a bit flippant.

This puts me in mind of a podcast recently called loved bombed where men completely made up lives and reeled women into a complex web of lies Its not your fault and he was so convincing.

You just have to talk up to experience sadly. I hope you can find somebody in the future worthy of you.

I wish your son all the best with his forthcoming results.

@LadyMuckRake Give your head a wobble. I was responding to another poster re.
some single parent’s vulnerability, but the tone of your post is so deaf and rude and chippy I’m not going to bother to expand. It’s ”strange” that posters like you always ignore the OP’s plight, have no helpful contribution there, but are determined to get worked up about themselves and their own “I’m offended” focus via some imagined personal offence 🙄.

Thanks for replying to my post yesterday, OP. Sorry to see that the thread has been derailed, even though you explained the circumstances very clearly several times over the course of the thread. I wish you and your son all the best - you both deserve it.

You explained this several times on this thread with over 300 posts yes. I can't trawl through them all, even just your own replies are now over 80 so even if I only read those it's still hard to keep up. I can't even find the posts where people accused you of being delusional 😭

But I digress, yes it is odd. It appears that he had conceded on Sunday with the message he sent then not turning up at 11am. The text messages I think were almost too civilised considering how badly he behaved. That's probably the point I would have either gone straight back round to have it out with him or called but either way there's no way back anyway when someone treats you this poorly.

I hope you get good news about your son this week @Swanmute and you can forget about the tosser who fits you in between his golf games.
Is he really good - what's his handicap ?
He can have that written on his death notice / gravestone instead of "Beloved husband/partner/father..."etc

What @taylorswift1989 says!

Love this!

I’ve read all your posts but haven’t commented yet. I can see why you didn’t take that one text as being a definitive end - every broken man I’ve dated has always said “you deserve someone better”. Every time I’ve reassured them that I’m not looking for someone else (even if they’re right!) and I bet that’s what he wanted. But when you didn’t give it to him he flipped it into “you’re upset? I never lied” - defensive, emotionally stunted, immature. You do deserve better but I know that doesn’t help today.

He wasn't called Neil was he? I dumped similar over golf but literally saw him for a week! He was married to his golf bag. Icky man...

That made me laugh as my first boyfriend at school was a golf nut called Neil? He was a decent guy back then but I had heard tell he’d changed. He’s Scottish, East coast..😂

Yeh I hate the random "you'll meet someone better" line too.

Really passive-aggressive, like he's playing the poor naive victim when he's actually the one trying to manipulate and control things!

It's like gaslighting and rewriting history - so they can tell the next woman that they were dating someone, but that person wasn't committed enough and wanted to meet someone else.

If a woman they were dating actually went out and met someone else whilst they were away they'd be absolutely livid.

It's the R part of DARVO - reversing the narrative.

("I had an ex but she wasn't loyal to me and wanted to meet someone better! Sob! I hope you will be better!").

Lot of nasty fake people and users out there.

@BlanketyRank

Exactly. I’ve had the ‘you deserve better’ designed for them to be the victim….funnily enough all prior girlfriends seem to have left him and there was a very strong victim narrative

I had a guy I dated send me a hand written letter which really was a one man pity party saying how he hoped ill find someone else who’s good enough for me because he’s obviously not despite everything he did for me

I made the error of ripping it up and sending him the photo of the torn pieces - which enabled him to play the poor me even more.

Sadly I think this guy had an offer he couldn't resist from elsewhere or had 2 of you on the go at the same time.

I'm so sorry OP- I had an experience like this many many years ago in my early 30s (I'm now 62) and it left me absolutely bamboozled-turned out he had a girlfriend and she was coming back off a trip earlier than he thought. There are some real convincing shitheads out there of all ages

Are you quite ok?

He's a twat and you are better off without him

I hope your son gets good news this week

@Swanmute
Just wondering how you are OP? Did you hear anything further?

I’m fine actually. He’s sent me two messages both just ‘hope you having good week?’ I haven’t replied. Not asked about my son or anything. I’ve heard he’s been spending much time in the clubhouse of his course, an old male friend of his is home? I think he’s planned to ‘manage me down’for a while, almost into ‘friends with benefits mode’ I’m very hurt of course but in my head it’s over.. I’ve got enough closure now, and will force myself out at weekend with pals x

unfortunately seen this behaviour quite a bit :( seems a common thing with men :(

Glad you're seeming more positive @Swanmute and hope you enjoy time with friends :)