Stumped.. even at my advanced age by guy?

[Swanmute]

Would welcome all advice. Dating again in midlife.. been with loving, attentive partner for six months, sex life revigorated. Promises made, holidays booked etc etc. phones me all time.. utterly loving. Yesterday I was shocked that he drove me home from his house early, barely after 10 pm, gave me my coat and casserole dish( I’d cooked tea) and basically’ There’s your hat, what’s your hurry’.. attitude. Today not willing to talk about it, closed down. I asked for conversation to clarify..not happened. So I’m giving him space but he does know I’m finding his behaviour unfathomable.
Two factors he works away.. part of time offshore, we’ve managed this well to date, love seeing him when he’s home. Secondly my adult son is recovering from cancer, going well waiting at moment for CT scan which will hopefully be clear. This man was Uber communicative to me, incredibly responsive and communicative. Was I love bombed..not feeling great tonight?

They stayed together for kids, no sex for years plus he’s a bit of a golfer… reading that back I’m face palming myself😂

Am sorry. This happened to me and I felt I nearly had a breakdown over it. He was a total love bomber and then one day, switched. Changed his relationship status on FB to single and barely spoke to me again! This was when I was younger. I’d say cut your losses now. Once they do this, no going back. And if there is, it will certainly happen again. Mine was also mid 50s and a few years out of divorce. Basically they are susceptible to any female attention and will drop (a good, younger, attractive) woman for fresh new supply without thinking

I do feel stonewalled actually, I also feel pretty down and confused at such behaviour change. I have a good job, not interested in his money but yes he is well paid.

I think you can do better. Some men are grown ups and can communicate effectively.

Yes he’s unwilling to discuss it today and I so feel your right.. I thought I knew him but I don’t. It does take longer.

I’m shattered now actually, all those protestations of love and hols booked etc..it felt like a switch for sure.

Reckon he bottled it. Nothing you have done at all.

Pretty much.. had food and sex. I was snoozing , set alarm for half an hour, I had to get up, he was waiting downstairs with his coat and my crockery.. driven home. I was silent cos I was shocked. Today not communicative, knows I’m annoyed.. no explanation , basically switch in his behaviour. I feel like crap.

Definitely poor behaviour, but there are a million reasons why he might have done it. I think you are right to give him space but set your own boundaries. If he won’t talk now, by when do you need an explanation? I know you want and deserve one now, but what’s your line in the sand? When he’s due to go back to the rigs? When is the holiday booked for and when is the latest you can leave it until you can get a refund? He’s not behaved well but I wouldn’t throw the baby out with the bath water just yet. You need calm, rational thinking on your side.

”Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.”
—Oscar Wilde

How would you usually get home in the early hours? Who set the alarm? Was he waiting around for you to wake up so he could drive you home?

Yes I get this side of it too.. I think next wee while will be important. I did feel disregarded though.. I won’t let that happen again. It’s my choice. I won’t be chasing him.. if it was a good as it seemed then it will right itself? Thanks.

Feel crap, feel sad, feel anything but don't give yourself any grief for believing in him, for investing and trusting him.

What a rude fucking dickhead.

💐

The setting his phone alarm to give me half an hour snooze after sex felt like a new low..?

I don’t think you understand what raining on someone’s parade means.

The man sounds like he’s going to be hard work if he won’t communicate. Save yourself more future angst and get rid.

Def not out to “rain on your parade” as a pp says, it’s just that it’s a very recognisable pattern. Hoping he has some extremely good, grovelling explanation OP. But you clearly know what to do if not. Sorry, I really do know how awful it is to be on the end of this behaviour. Keep us updated

My first thought is he was about to have some kind of explosive digestive system issue - one end or the other - and he needed you O-U-T.

One off isolated incident?

If so, move on. Don't make a big deal out of this.

Good answer, he knows I’m confused and hurt but won’t engage. My plans for next week are shot, days out and time I’d taken off..but I know it was poor behaviour. He goes back in ten days. Comparison of how he was to me before and last night.. incomprehensible??

It does sound odd but is it possible that it was a one-off and he was literally really tired or something? It doesn’t explain why he has not been talking to you today though.

He set the alarm because he knew you had to go home?
To be honest I wouldn't enjoy having to get up late at night to drive a partner home.
That's said, trust your gut instinct.

But if you love someone you don't bundle them off home and then provide no explanation, knowing your partner is upset. This sort of behaviour is inexcusable at any time. It doesn't matter if it's a one off. That's like saying it's ok if someone punches you as long as it's a one off.

We agreed I’d stay there.. I often take my own car but he offered to drive me home, so I could have couple of drinks, stay longer( ‘’stay as long as you like’..).. then at 9.30pm actually I was nodding off he set alarm and had me out of house at back of ten?? I still feel like crap.

Good answer, he knows I’m confused and hurt but won’t engage.

Which shows that he is a crappy partner and thinks his own feelings come first.