Is he cheating

[Lostandconfus3d]

Is he cheating?

My partner (M50) has been acting weird towards me (F37) for a while. Sex hasn’t been as frequent. He goes between being lovely to acting like he doesn’t want me around and snapping with me.

A couple of weeks ago I found viagra in a suitcase he uses when we travel or he goes away for work trips. There was only 1 left in the pack of 8. I questioned him on this and he blew up claiming he uses them for me when he has had a few drinks and can’t preform. I cannot think of one occasion when he has been drunk where he could have taken them and if he did it didn’t work!

I chose to rug sweep thinking maybe he was telling the truth or I was mistaken. Last week he was being super off with me didn’t want me around. He told me Thursday night he was having an early night and said he would speak to me the next day. When I woke to message him in the morning he had been online at 3.13am although he had told me he was sleeping by 10pm. When I asked if he slept well he said he went straight to sleep after he said goodnight.

I went to his house the next morning and all of my possessions were “hidden” in the spare room with the door closed. Shoes, clothes everything. He said he was tidying my mess and not to over think. I then seen 2 bottles of wine, a bottle of Prosecco (which he doesn’t drink) and several beers in his bin. It’s making me question is he cheating? I never mentioned the drinks I did ask again if he slept well or if he had been up late and he was adamant he went straight to sleep.

Has he been taking the viagra for someone else? Hiding my belongings when someone else is coming over to stay up drinking with him all night??

I will add he has previous for EA/possible kiss/seeking validation which I discovered by snooping a few months back and he promised he would never hurt me this way again. I’m so confused

Your parents dying suddenly in a 3 year period was truly shocking.
You were so young and your response was to cling to what you knew, even if it was a waster.
You craved the familiar.
Suddenly losing people is so shocking.
It destabilises everything around you.

I lost 2 dear friends in one yea, NOT parents.
I was mid 50's.
The shock winded me more than I can put words to.
I avoided leaving the house if I could, I just wanted peace, calm and stability.
My friends were so kind and all meet ups happened at my house for that time.
I mentioned it to my lovely Doc and he said totally normal, not unusual at all.

What you went through was 10 times worse.
So don't be surprised at getting sucked into the familiar.

But now you have seen the light!
Time to sell that house, buy somewhere that is great for commuting to work and where you will have the opportunity to build a great network via sports, hobbies, book clubs, theatre, etc.
I have several great childless friends.
Besides looking at least 10-15 years younger than their peers like me, they have the best lives.

You have a great future ahead of you, you will get there.

What a beautiful kitty. Sounds like you’re doing an amazing job 💪🏻. But some kitty cuddles will also help 🥰

It looks bad OP. Sorry.

Wow I've only just read this thread (all of it) and just to say @Lostandconfus3d you're an inspiration.

You sound like such a kind, lovely person. What an awful awful thing to go through over many years.

As the fog clears and you reset your life, you'll soon reflect back and see how he manipulated and abused you. There's so really good books if it helps (eg why did he do that) but to be honest you might be better off for now drawing a line and being steadfast for the next chapter of what brings you joy.

I'm sorry it's been so hard. You've got this. You've been tested and you're making it through.

@Lostandconfus3d looks like this thread has gone back on to trending again so you’re probably going to get several unhelpful remarks referencing your original post when posters don’t see the date or read all updates. I think you can ask @mumsnet to rename the thread and put an edit at the top to highlight that this has moved way beyond your original post. Don’t want you to be feeling overwhelmed by things being dragged up.

@Lostandconfus3d ok I’ve given kitty names some thought and come up with the following suggestions:

meaning Warrior:
Harvey
Louis/Louie
Luigi
Murphy

Archie - truly bold
Theo/Teddy/Matty - Divine gift
Miles - soldier

Other names:
Freddie
Monty
Frankie
Tommy
Ozzy
Buddy
Ziggy
Sammy
Alfie
Joey

I'd call that little beaut Bodhi.

It suits him. It means awakening/enlightenment, and I believe cats like a name that ends in an ee sound.
Xx

Ooh I like this!

I love Monty for him. He is easily as good looking as Montgomery Clift. More so, actually.

I saw your initial post ages ago but hadn’t realised you had continued to updated it.
I’ve just caught up and wanted to say that I think you’ve had so much courage.
You deserve so much better in time but for now you need to focus on you.
I’m pleased you got some annual leave and a new kitty. My first thought was Daisy but then I saw the Kitten is male so that doesn’t work!!
Keep taking one day at a time and realise that this is the start of the rest of your life.
Being without parents at a young age is so tough, I really feel for you.

I’m feeling really low today. Really down, I can’t shake it at all. I feel totally lost

@Lostandconfus3d im sorry to hear that. Do you have a planned therapy session soon? Remember to be kind to yourself, I know it’s hard to believe but I promise you it will get better. It can be impossible to see any light when you are weighed down in darkness and despair but it’s still there, you just can’t fully see it yet.

Have you seen your GP about potential medical options for dealing with low mood? I know people have varying opinions on these things but personally I’ve found medication extremely helpful in conjunction with therapy and more holistic interventions like accupuncture.

You will have a few bad days, but it will get easier.
Are you able to get outside? A walk or run, any exercise will help.
If not, tell us about your kitten !

And that's because you are normal!

Do you think anyone could possibly go through what you have, and be sailing through life whilst bluebirds sing at their kitchen window, a la Disney.

It is absolute testament that you are still standing. Let alone coping. Today sounds shit. Tomorrow doesn't have to be as bad. It's all part of the healing process.

Are you back to work yet, did you end up taking the time off? If you aren't at work, what do you enjoy doing? I like to rummage and shop to take my mind off things. When was the last time you had a good sort through a charity shop?

It's not surprising. It's okay to feel that way. Things like this just knock you sideways, but sometimes in a good way to get a different perspective. It's bloody brutal but it can be a wake up call that empowers you. Sending strength x

Sending hugs OP. It's a lot of trauma you're recovering from and it must have been really hard to have your world shatter. Its not just a relationship when you're so entangled with his family and their kids. Hope you've got a kitten to snuggle, some films to watch and you're rebuilding some old friendships? You're doing so well x

He’s home! Meet Sidney, aka sid, aka pipsqueak ❤️❤️ I’m in love

Oh he's gorgeous, he really is the only man you need for now and he'll be a lot more faithful, reliable, and affectionate !

Omg those tiny teeth!!

Sidney is gorgeous.

If you are feeling a bit lost one place you could go is local church to have some peace and talk to vicar or volunteers. Some lovely people there and they won’t at all expect you to be religious.

You're not a failure.its not on you he's a lying git.
He had it good with you and it's on him he fucked it up.

Ahhh...when they're really zonked and their wee teeth poke out in their sleep. Adorable.

Sidney is gorgeous and obviously a snuggler! You’ve made a great choice there, @Lostandconfus3d!

Sidney is gorgeous OP 😻 Enjoy the peace!

@Lostandconfus3d im so excited for you! He’s adorable and a great name choice. Not sure if you’ve had a cat before but feel free to ask any questions. Also don’t get freak out if you find any of his baby teeth when they fall out, my sister thought her cat was really ill and got in a right panic, never occurred to her they lose teeth like humans!