Is he cheating

[Lostandconfus3d]

Is he cheating?

My partner (M50) has been acting weird towards me (F37) for a while. Sex hasn’t been as frequent. He goes between being lovely to acting like he doesn’t want me around and snapping with me.

A couple of weeks ago I found viagra in a suitcase he uses when we travel or he goes away for work trips. There was only 1 left in the pack of 8. I questioned him on this and he blew up claiming he uses them for me when he has had a few drinks and can’t preform. I cannot think of one occasion when he has been drunk where he could have taken them and if he did it didn’t work!

I chose to rug sweep thinking maybe he was telling the truth or I was mistaken. Last week he was being super off with me didn’t want me around. He told me Thursday night he was having an early night and said he would speak to me the next day. When I woke to message him in the morning he had been online at 3.13am although he had told me he was sleeping by 10pm. When I asked if he slept well he said he went straight to sleep after he said goodnight.

I went to his house the next morning and all of my possessions were “hidden” in the spare room with the door closed. Shoes, clothes everything. He said he was tidying my mess and not to over think. I then seen 2 bottles of wine, a bottle of Prosecco (which he doesn’t drink) and several beers in his bin. It’s making me question is he cheating? I never mentioned the drinks I did ask again if he slept well or if he had been up late and he was adamant he went straight to sleep.

Has he been taking the viagra for someone else? Hiding my belongings when someone else is coming over to stay up drinking with him all night??

I will add he has previous for EA/possible kiss/seeking validation which I discovered by snooping a few months back and he promised he would never hurt me this way again. I’m so confused

yeah.. sorry, i normally try to give men the benefit of the doubt, but im afraid on this occasion with the information you have given.. he's most definitely seeing other women.

Honey please call his daughter to collect her kids and stop letting this twat treat you like an unpaid skivvy while he shags around.

Hes taking the absolute piss out of you

You’ve given this creep a decade of the best years of your life and this is how he treats you? He’s disgusting - please dump his sleazy arse today

Oh God OP 🥺he is having you for such a fool.

How sure are you that he is “away for work” … how many blue tabs has he taken with him? 🙄

Use the opportunity to empty all of your stuff out of the house and let his daughter know that as of tomorrow you have your own urgent business to attend to and can no longer help.
Her kids and work are not your problem; don’t waste anymore of your leave on his family.
Look to your own friends and family for support and make a better life for yourself- you deserve so much better 💐

Not only cheating but taking advantage of you and giving you scraps in return. Give your head a wobble as to why you've put up with this for years when you could do so much better.

It certainly doesn't look good op, I'm sorry. You could bluff him. Say you've had a message from someone claiming he's been cheating. Watch his response carefully, it will tell you a lot.

No need for the casual ageism from certain posters however. There's a similar age gap between me and my dh and I definitely don't see him as old.

'I stay there a few nights a week and do all the household stuff and maintain his gardens etc as well as my own home and work full time'

You sound like you're a lovely person, kind, giving and generous with your time.

Unfortunately you are also a mouse. A quiet and accepting mouse who he is taking advantage of and using you.

Become a Lion and find your roar!

You've only got one life, why spend it giving your all to someone who quite frankly doesn't even seem to like you let alone love you.

He certainly doesn't care about you or respect or cherish you.

Get shot of him.

You’re not a failure. He is. You’re a kind hearted soul by the sounds of it. Taking care of his grandchildren and his house and garden no less when he’s away. You are the good guy here and you’ve done nothing wrong. He doesn’t deserve you - and now you get to regroup and do all
the things you love without being saddled with his chores and childcare and you get to be excited you might next meet the love of your life. Chin up Princess, or the crown slips 😊♥️

I have been frantically checking to make sure the blue tab I discovered is still in the house (it is) but he can just get more. I didn’t know about the first batch. He claims to have had it “for forever” but the expiry is so far in the future it has to be relatively new.

I don’t really have any friends left. They have all given up over the years due to our relationship and not being able to watch him treat me badly and me accept it. I don’t have any family either unfortunately they have all passed

Probably been going on a while and he's got lazy over time in covering his tracks. Not even hiding his viagra, putting your stuff back or hiding his last online status. It's an open and shut case.

Yes it seems pretty obvious in this case. I'm sorry.

I have had messages in the past claiming he was cheating and I brought it up and he went OFF. Screaming and gaslighting until I apologised. Whenever I brought it up after (only brought it up twice in the following month) I was told I was ruining our time together and to stop discussing it

I don’t really have any friends left. They have all given up over the years due to our relationship and not being able to watch him treat me badly and me accept it. I don’t have any family either unfortunately they have all passed

None of this is a reason to stay with this man. He is not your family, and he sure as fuck isn't your friend. Most of us don't even have enemies this foul.

Wow, he has it cushty! What is in it for you…?

Yes, I think he is cheating, gaslighting you and taking advantage of your kindness and good nature.

She has already said she is close to his adult kids, and I am assuming the grandkids. Yes she should leave him, but telling his daughter to come and get the kids when she is close to them is not as simple as just doing it. Probably not the right thing to do as well, it isn’t their fault how the dad/grandad behaves

So sorry OP. It's so obvious he's cheating and lying to you. He has no respect for you either. So sad to hear that your friends have drifted away because of him. Please consider doing the freedom programme. Collect your stuff together, tell him it's over and block him. You deserve so much more than to be treated so badly by him.

Your updates just get worse.

You’re still looking for a glimmer of hope. There isn’t one. He is a future faking cheat. Every time he has cheated, and there will be many, he has stolen your right to informed sexual consent, your personal agency and put your sexual and mental health at risk.

Please PLEASE you haven’t listened to your friends who love you, please listen to us!

Can you reconnect with any of them so you have someone to help you run from this nasty NASTY man?

I agree. Reach out to an old friend or two. Even if you feel you’re eating humble pie by saying ‘you were right’ you’re being strong by admitting he’s a wrongun.

Someone will be there to listen to you - they’ll be delighted you’ve finally walked away and you will find support.

Of course he is.

You are not a failure.

You have a chance to escape this rotten life and build up your own life.

He's made you feel bad about yourself and that's dimmed your light so everyone has moved away from you.

When you're shining brightly again without him in your life, your light will attract others and you'll make new friends and surround yourself with people who care about you.

You must be a very capable person to not only run your own life but take care of his house and garden!

You're no failure in any shape or form.

I think the daughter is taking advantage of her just like her father is. She learned from the master. Imagine having the cheek to have your dad's girlfriend take time off work, who doesn't even live with your father, to watch your kids.

He has a way of making me feel like I’m being over dramatic or over thinking. I know if I were to confront him with everything I have put to u’s he would tell me I was being ridiculous.

he would tell me he wanted some time to himself on Thursday night that’s why he never told me he was planning to stay up drinking. That he works hard and is entitled to some time to himself. That I’m controlling. I can hear him in my head right now

My ex ordered viagra during our relationship as well and then didn't seen to use it with me, one of many things that added up properly once I understood the extent of his cheating. So sorry, don't waste a single second more on this terrible man. You are still young and have plenty of time to find a nice person that doesn't cheat, good luck xx

So obviously cheating and pathetically half arsed gas lighting. What a twat.
Just block him immediately.

You don't have to confront him with anything. All you have to do is leave and tell him it's over. You do not owe him any explanation whatsoever.

OP I hate to advise this but please (please) go and get yourself tested for a STD. He has clearly been having sex with other women and you don't know whether he used condoms or not.

This man has been emotionally abusing you for years! You need to find your ROAR and leave right now.