Is he cheating

[Lostandconfus3d]

Is he cheating?

My partner (M50) has been acting weird towards me (F37) for a while. Sex hasn’t been as frequent. He goes between being lovely to acting like he doesn’t want me around and snapping with me.

A couple of weeks ago I found viagra in a suitcase he uses when we travel or he goes away for work trips. There was only 1 left in the pack of 8. I questioned him on this and he blew up claiming he uses them for me when he has had a few drinks and can’t preform. I cannot think of one occasion when he has been drunk where he could have taken them and if he did it didn’t work!

I chose to rug sweep thinking maybe he was telling the truth or I was mistaken. Last week he was being super off with me didn’t want me around. He told me Thursday night he was having an early night and said he would speak to me the next day. When I woke to message him in the morning he had been online at 3.13am although he had told me he was sleeping by 10pm. When I asked if he slept well he said he went straight to sleep after he said goodnight.

I went to his house the next morning and all of my possessions were “hidden” in the spare room with the door closed. Shoes, clothes everything. He said he was tidying my mess and not to over think. I then seen 2 bottles of wine, a bottle of Prosecco (which he doesn’t drink) and several beers in his bin. It’s making me question is he cheating? I never mentioned the drinks I did ask again if he slept well or if he had been up late and he was adamant he went straight to sleep.

Has he been taking the viagra for someone else? Hiding my belongings when someone else is coming over to stay up drinking with him all night??

I will add he has previous for EA/possible kiss/seeking validation which I discovered by snooping a few months back and he promised he would never hurt me this way again. I’m so confused

@Lostandconfus3d I know, I understand. If you need company I could loan of one of my dogs? Moving house on Monday and I'm sure they'd be happier out of it 😀
Joking apart, just make sure you don't lose human contact, we all need it. Planning your 3 weeks away is fun - but think about doing it in Starbucks or the Pub garden rather than home alone. Just be around people. There's a (virtual, at least) hand to hold here if you need it.

This is not what your parents would want for their kind, lovely daughter. You will meet someone who deserves you and feels lucky that you are theirs.
If I died(I'm in my 40s) just now, I would want for nothing other than my two daughters to be happy and treated well.
Love yourself a little more.

Don't forget to take him out of your will/pension/life insurance if you have any with him in.

Maybe a city break would be nice, a couple of night in a holiday inn somewhere you have never been would be a change of scene. Bath, Edinburgh, Stratford on Avon, Whitby?

@Lostandconfus3d have you made any plans for when you get time off from work? I know you mentioned about potentially getting a pet but if you’re not ready to commit to that yet (particularly if you are going to move) you could consider fostering. It’s a great way to have the companionship of a pet without the cost or long term responsibility.

Has anyone heard from @Lostandconfus3d? She hasn’t posted in nearly a month and I’m concerned about her.

I’m so sorry for worrying you ❤️

I’m here, I’m ok. I went into a bit of a shutdown. Stopped engaging with supports - womens aid/victim support etc. Just buried my head and pretended nothing was happening.

I have been attending work, counting down the days until I am off on annual leave.

@Lostandconfus3d im just glad to hear from you. I know you were struggling with everything when you last posted and there’s not any way to check on someone irl when you only know them in an online forum. Just remember there are always people here who genuinely care and willing to offer support, or just chat, whenever you need but equally I appreciate you don’t owe us ongoing updates on your life.

Well done for sticking with the routine of work, the support services are still there for when you’re ready.

Take care x

@Lostandconfus3d

Denial is one of the stages we go through after a trauma. And it can take the form of turning 'inward' and, yes, burying our heads in the sand. Although for me it felt more like sticking my fingers in my ears and saying loudly "Lalalalala, I can't hear you!!!". So going into a shutdown is normal, it's your mind and body's way of protecting you from the hurt.

Keeping up with your usual routine is really good. It will prove to you that your life will go on and that you have the ability to 'conquer the negative'.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Pretty soon those steps will feel lighter and before you know it, you'll be running towards are better and brighter tomorrow.

You all helped me so much. And I would still love to speak to you all moving forward, I still have no one irl. I’ve just not had the mental capacity to keep reaching out to people and being let down again.

I have been looking into kittens, I pick up my new boy when I’m off on annual leave. This is giving me something to look forward to. I have been getting regular updates from the breeder. He is a timid shy boy, who loves sleeping on you for body heat! He is beautiful

Awww he's beautiful - good decision

OP if you are in the south west I'd be happy to meet for a coffee and chat xx

He’s so cute! I’m so glad you decided to get a pet. They can make all the difference to know you have someone relying on you to keep going plus they yet make a great hot water bottle when it’s cold ☺️ My foster cat has prospective adopters coming to meet him this afternoon so I’ve been telling him he needs to be on his best behaviour!

He looks a cheeky one OP 😻- make sure you get on to the Litter Tray thread - there's loads of advice on there x

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_litter_tray

Oh he is very beautiful!!

I would love help with a name for him??

I am terrible with finding good names but definitely pop over and start a kitty name thread to the litter tray! I am sure people will have good suggestions over there.

My contributions are:
Milo
Loki
Bandit
Oreo

Bruce
Ozzy
Milo

Naming can be a challenge - you might want to make a short list and then try them out on him once he’s moved in, make sure you find one that fits. Regardless of what you actually name him he’ll eventually end up with a whole host of nicknames, many of which will have nothing to do with his actual name!

Have you got a favourite book, film or tv show that has any good character names? I find names ending in ie or y are good for cats, easier to call out something like Billy rather than William 😆

I think he's called...

Thimble
Biscuit
Sonny
Grayson

So glad to hear from you OP!

What a wonderful kitten. Given the two very distinctive ears, I'd be calling him Batman or Dobby.

Aww what an absolute sweetie 😻

I think he looks like a Wilf.

Or maybe a Dave or a Nigel… But I love a human name for a cat.

He's gorgeous! My contribution:

Phoenix
Gizmo
Shadow
Smudge

What a gorgeous kitten.
You are an amazing woman to have come this far.

Thank you so much 🥹

I think you should call the cat nova it means a star that releases a new burst of energy and light