Men of today.

[Lustnotlove]

What's happened too men these days? They are not the same as they was 15-20 years ago, no commitment, no loyalty, no respect, no ambition, no teamwork? I think I've given up with the L word 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️ maybe it's me but I feel there's no decent guys out there anymore 🤷🏼‍♀️ it's actually sad as when your young you have all these dreams don't you?

They are all from the pampered entitled lazy generation

How old are you?

Are they though? I’m Gen X and we were called the slacker generation, accused of being lazy blah blah. I think it’s just a label that gets slapped on every new generation.

Every generation thinks this about the generation that follows.

Well depending on your age, 15-20 years ago they were getting married. DH and I have been together 13 years, he's a good guy who equally wanted commitment so we could have a family, works, parents properly and is a good partner. He's not available to date as he's a good, loving husband.

Single guys of a similar age will be divorced and looking for something different, burnt and looking for fun, divorced because they're arseholes, long term single and too used to it as well as decent, loving guys you haven't met yet or who aren't attracted to you. It's a numbers game really

DH and I have been together 13 years, he's a good guy who equally wanted commitment so we could have a family, works, parents properly and is a good partner. He's not available to date as he's a good, loving husband

What a smug comment.

They weren't that amazing 20 years ago but you hear of it more now because of social media. I blame the internet. The hook up apps, the online porn, social media. It's all instant and transient. Women's mindset has also changed: I don't need a man, I don't know if I ever want to get married or have kids, what will he add to my life? 50 years ago it was the norm to want to settle down, now you're seen as boring or letting the side down if you want to be a stay at home mum or a housewife. It's all about being a 'boss babe' and 'baddie' now.

I agree. I think the best ones are snapped up. Online dating, most men are like kids in a candy store...most of these guys have high expectations when they arent that great themselves. They've been conditioned that they deserve the 'best'. Look like rab c nesbitt but expect pamela anderson, you know.
I loved dating before OLD. im very very dubious now.

I just took it as a specific example of one of the many men who want(ed) a healthy loving relationship, looked for it, found it, and so are now not looking. In other words lots of men ARE good but for the above reasons are not usually available!

Well women have more options than we did 50 years ago thanks to the fact that we are actually able to earn a living wage and not just pin money! Previously we literally DID need men in order to survive!

Not really. OP makes a sweeping negative critique of men, she counters that view with her experience of being married to a man who is none of the things the OP is lamenting.

Bit boring if you expect an echo chamber where everyone falls into line behind thr OPs view.

Generally, women have become stronger and more capable, they work, they keep their home environment decent, they bring up children and they have a social life.
It's all stressful too so they need a good partner who can be supportive and take on an equal share.
Unfortunately, men have become weaker and are unable to do this.

I don't think it's that. I think they are fundamentally different than they were twenty years ago. I have been with my partner for many many years now but I know absolutely loads of attractive, successful single women who literally can't find a man who wants anything more than a hook up. Twenty odd years ago, you'd go out to a bar or club, a guy would chat you up, take you out for dinner the next weekend and you'd be dating. The key issue is the internet. They don't even need the chutzpah to chat a woman up nowadays...they can sit at home like losers and just pick someone with zero effort. They are usually utterly average or worse in every way but expect a woman to look like some sort of porn star. It's absolutely fucked up. Here's the key....years ago if a man wanted sex he had to be in a relationship to get it regularly. Nowadays they can get sex whenever they want it so they don't have to bother to display any kind of commitment. It's absolutely terrible. I feel so sorry for women nowadays.

The good men are snapped up in their 20s. It’s as simple as that.

I’m OLD and fishing in the 30something pool, and from my experience so far, it is mostly dog shit.

Women have changed in their ways too. Society has changed in how we approach social interactions. Everything has changed, including men.

Its not as simple as men changing. How we all approach dating, conversation etc has changed. One persons improper conduct can be welcomed by another. It can sometimes be understandable to see why OLD have become hook up sites that do away with the need to open yourself up to strange things like emotions & honesty.

A lot of the good ones will already be in relationships.

@HospitalWoes I just think that what a modern woman today wants of a man and what she can offer him is also different to what women back in the day wanted from a man and could offer him, so we are not comparing apples with apples.

I think the pill and access to work and social security benefits have revolutionized women's lives and given them so many more options, men's 'revolution' has been accessing more consequence-free sex and sexual gratification with casual sex and out of wedlock children being destigmatized and socially accepted and proliferation of porn. Please note that I'm not saying this is a bad thing or good, I'm just making a connection.

You seem very wedded to the idea that the man has to do all the 'chatting up' and chasing. Are women not allowed to do that these days in your world?

As for Internet dating, surely there are just as many women 'sitting at home' scrolling through dating apps 'like losers' or are they all out and about doing exciting life affirming hobbies and activities with the occasional glance at their phone to fit in a date in their otherwise busy social schedule.

Online porn has completely ruined society. OLD is the absolute pits.

I’m 34 and single, work as a family lawyer and I’m attractive, look young for my age, self aware, kind... had to do a lot of healing after escaping an abusive marriage. I know I would have a lot to offer in a relationship.

I have given up actively looking now and just having to have faith that if it’s meant to be it will. I don’t want to be bitter or resentful about it but equally I’m not exposing myself to the toxicity anymore. Thankfully I’m not too worried about babies though and can see it must be so frustrating for those who want a family.

I would have liked the traditional set up once upon a time… but I’m thankful I have the education and skills to be independent, as I’d rather be single forever than with the wrong person.

What a remarkably silly comment. If men ‘weren’t all that amazing’ twenty years ago, why on earth would you think it was in any way a good idea for women to become economically dependent on them?

OP, I don’t think men are any different to 20 or 30 years ago, apart, perhaps, from the internet allowing a gathering space for things like the incel movement. The difference is that women have far more options for economic and social independence, and for having children solo if they want.

Better smug than envious.

Women are the gatekeepers to sex.

Men are the gatekeepers to marriage.

Men now don't really have to make any effort to get sex. They don't have to be charming or witty or even vaguely interesting. This has given them an inflated sense of self worth and a sense of entitlement never seen before.

Not at all envious. I've been with my dh for nearly twenty years. I don't however tell women wading through the cess pit of online dating how great my life is

So many men have been messed up by porn which shows them that women aren't human - why on earth would anyone expect them to not be entitled, fickle and selfish? You take boys at age 10,11,12 and then show them that the other half of their class can be used as a collection of holes, what do you think will happen to their minds? I work with men who have severe mental health issues and so many of them use women and porn and online dating as a balm whether they are in committed relationships or not.

Online dating then brings out the worst of them. It's a sweet shop. I remember seeing the responses my ex had through his dating profile and the women were just over the top desperate to connect. I would never do OLD again, the men I've encountered were all better at typing then they were at connecting in person.

You cannot tell if a man is a good one or not by the way he types responses. It's easy for men to sound like they have empathy and are considerate when they first meet you or are talking to you online.

Sorry OP. It's a mess out there. Just keep doing what you enjoy doing and someone real will come along.

They were never able to do that.

It's not that they've become weaker, they were always like that.

They want convenience, no hassle, many want minimal childcare responsibilities, unchallenged polygynous behaviour (even if it's "just" porn, strip clubs, flirtations, emotional affairs, work wives, SM eye candy browsing/subscribing) ... and a certain level of dominance/deference. It's not getting those that's the issue.

They got those in a traditional society. They had minimal childcare responsibilities, minimal to no domestic work, they were unlikely to be left for polygynous activities (if the wife even found out, they're much more likely to find out about cheating and things approaching cheating now, due to technology), and they were deferred to/dominant. They were the head of the household.

They didn't want equality and juggling and they didn't have to put up with it.

Likewise women haven't gotten stronger, as such; they are in a stronger position. They have opportunities they did not have.