Men of today.

[Lustnotlove]

What's happened too men these days? They are not the same as they was 15-20 years ago, no commitment, no loyalty, no respect, no ambition, no teamwork? I think I've given up with the L word 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️ maybe it's me but I feel there's no decent guys out there anymore 🤷🏼‍♀️ it's actually sad as when your young you have all these dreams don't you?

Exactly.

Nonsense. If I died tomorrow, shouldn't dump my kids on his mother and wander off. Hed continue to do housework and cooking and childcare and work and see his friends. Yes he'd need childcare / help just as a single mother would. But his Y chromosome doesn't stop him doing anything on that list. Society and expectations do.

But what you describe 'back then' was an entirely different social landscape. Most households are dual income these days as that is what is required to raise a family. The whole 'man be a provider' schtick is a bit outdated as women are perfectly capable of being financially independent and live their lives without being supported by a man. We live in an 80% service economy, many of those old manual jobs don't exist anymore or have been severely reduced. Beyond basic DIY people don't do plumbing or electrical jobs at home because you will probably invalidate your home insurance or breach some building reg. Same with cars, I used to be able to do a basic service on my car with some parts picked up from halfords and a Haynes manual. These days you need a specialist laptop to reset your engine management system and again you invalidate your warranty if any work is carried out by a non authorised person etc. As for resilience, were men really more resilient? Or did they just bottle everything up in order to conform to some toxic male stereotype?

But that's women's choice. If I'm the gatekeeper to sex, I can choose to not give it. He might gatekeep marriage but it's a woman's choice to have causal sex or sex early in a relationship just as much as a man's. You say it like women HAVE to put out. If men are used to easy sex, surely that's on the people giving it out. And I don't think there's anything wrong with casual sex fwiw, just that it wasn't something I HAD to give DH before I wanted to

I agree with lots already said. I think that men, on the whole, are continuing to go downhill. It's a calamity really for women hoping for a good relationship. (The pool of decent men is drying up fast.)

Yes you do have a point. Necessity perhaps, ie affordability of hiring contractors etc back then? Or maybe it's just all the estrogen in our tap water.. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Define resilience. Not cry? Not talking about their feelings? Not deal with trauma? There's a reason men are more likely to complete suicide than women. Actually there are probably age groups where that's no longer true but it certainly is in older men and has been for a long while. I don't need that resilience in my husband or my son's thanks.

And it's up to individual women if they want to marry someone emotionally repressed but good with a wrench and a large salary. Noone is forcing women to marry anyone

Men don't owe women a relationship.

If a women finds a man that is right for her, then good.

If she doesn't find a man, she'll have to stay single.

To me, resilience is a "can do" attitude. To be able to get up after a knockdown and to strive.
Yes, some of it does involve holding back some emotions. We can't just sit there complaining and whingeing and take no action.

I think the situation is different from 20 years ago.

In particular, women simply have higher standards. I know there are things I’d have happily accepted as normal then that I am not accepting anymore.

There is also some interesting studies that show that men who think they have a low mating potential (aka they are struggling to find anyone) tend to be more sexist/misogynist. (Look at studies on incels and MAGA).
At the opposite end, you have women that have higher standards.

I think it’s creating a vicious circle where (some?) men tend to be more exists, women reject them and that reinforce theur views. And round it goes.

I'm 33

See I wanna find someone like that I just seem to attract fools 🤦🏼‍♀️

Well that goes for both sexes equally, from personal experience I'm not convinced men have lost more resilience than women. I think a disposable society and higher tech has made many people less resilient. Pay for someone to do it. Buy a new one. Let someone else take responsibility

Yep they are snapped up! I don't do dating apps anymore haven't done for a couple years because of the immaturity on there. Like random dick pics and inappropriate comments! 🙄 like seriously what happened to the old fashioned dating and getting to know each other!

Yep! I've had the same experience im 33 and no luck! 🤣

I wouldn’t necessarily see it as ‘the good ones got snapped up’. A lot of those couples will be divorcing in their forties.

most people just settle with whoever they happen to be with when they turn 30 which is depressing.

Are you able to expand on this? What age range are you looking at? What 'state' are the women in and what makes a woman decent?

Just curious about the other perspective.

Yes, I definitely agree that people are now more taking it for granted that there will be an app or quick fix for anything to provide what they want/need or get them out of any potential trouble.

Some people have also lost the ability to show any appreciation or gratitude whatsoever to others who have to manually do something involved to help them, as they just assume that it's a case of pressing a single button and all sorted. Just like they would of course only input the pertinent words in a Google search, without any pleasantries or bothering with a proper sentence, and obviously no need to thank it afterwards, they react in the same way to other people: they are just another resource that exists to make their life nicer or easier.

@SleepingStandingUp yes it does go for both sexes but women, maybe through no choice when they have children, keep going. Men have become complacent and lazy because women are holding it all together.
As parents, Women are trying to raise boys to become men because men are not stepping up.
How many times do you hear here "the bar is so low for men"?

With the bar set so low for men, you can only imagine what dregs are left after all the ones women are prepared to settle for have been snapped up…

You only get a couple of chances, mostly gone by early 30s - as already said, all the good people are spoken for. Beyond that age you're done for. If you're looking for love I'm afraid a person will only meet 2 of these criteria: Single, Sane, Attractive.

Internet porn has a lot to do with it. Also women just can't be bothered to marry a manchild. Most men expect their wives or girlfriends to work in and out of the home, do the majority of the childcare, organise their lives and look fantastic.

@Nettie1964 what has internet pron got to do with the availability or quality of gentlemen available?

What a silly generalisation. I guess if you're looking at tinder et all yes its all very fickle but men are the same as always. X

Re: Quality of men - internet porn makes it extremely easy to access content where women are degraded and commoditised. Not too hard to connect the dots.