Men of today.

[Lustnotlove]

What's happened too men these days? They are not the same as they was 15-20 years ago, no commitment, no loyalty, no respect, no ambition, no teamwork? I think I've given up with the L word 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️ maybe it's me but I feel there's no decent guys out there anymore 🤷🏼‍♀️ it's actually sad as when your young you have all these dreams don't you?

Men say the same about women to be fair.

Long out of the dating game myself as long term married but have heard from friends of both sexes quite a bit of dissatisfaction with the apps and dating sites. Perhaps other methods e.g speed dating/other dating 'events' are more enjoyable and productive.

I think watching vast amounts of strong porn from an early age has wrapped and distorted many teenage boys views on sex and relationships. There are fewer men around with a healthy view of sex.

I think women's standards are higher, not that men are any worse. Also agree that most decent men are snapped up earlier. Although I met my husband at 33 and he is kind, loyal and hard working so it's not always the case.

If you do all your looking online it's going to be fake to a certain point.

You need to meet someone in person, hear their voice, read their body language, see if you have the same ethics and humour.

It really doesn't matter if they like cycling or woodwork or watching sport, these are just details.

Get a wing mate, and go out. Go for a drink and a dance see who is out there.

I met MrFrozen in a pub, chance meeting, on paper or on profile if you will, we would have hated each other, IRL, yeah it's good. 2 decades together, happier as time goes by, two teenagers, plan for retirement, we met early 30s.

Most of his early 30s professional male mates weren't with their now wives. They had spent their 20s career building, dating, come early 30s they all started to think about settling down.

Go out.
Talk to lots of different people.

A guy started chatting me up down the frozen veggie food aisle not so long ago. Pointless by all accounts, but a surprise ego boost. If all our online delivery had been delivered it would never have happened.
And our second to last postman, I am sure he remarried someone off his round, was divorced with a daughter, used to yap yap yap, he was lovely actually. And our previous butcher he was fun, wife cheated on him as well
Clearly all not an option for me, but they were all nice guys. Really nice guys, fun, kind, cheeky, open.

Shopping deliveries, working from home, online dating, it keeps people separate with few chances to randomly meet.

So my advice is get out doing anything, revert as much of you life to in person as you can.

Seeing women enjoying being slapped humiliated dpd gang bangs rough sex young girls with grandpa. Most young boys see this content from agecq2 or even younger. Sexual attraction is one of the first reasons people date, you don't date anyone you aren't attracted to. My ex s 14 year old daughter was being asked for bjs by boys her own age. She often confided in me how much pressure she was under to perform or get called names. A lot of the boys wanted to reproduce what they had seen. If boys are exposed very young to hard porn there view of women and commitment are going to be seriously skewed. Unfortunately most girls now buy into this without realising. They all look the same straight center part hair false eyelashes big lips etc. It's just a huge mess v sad

I think there is an increasing number of people, men and women, who for want of a better phrase 'know their worth' and as a result overall expected standards have improved. There are more resources online and people are more willing to discuss openly what constitutes a healthy relationship and are better able to recognise early red flag behaviour in potential partners. If you are a successful, independent, financially secure person with your own home, career, hobbies, friendship group etc then why the hell are you going to settle for a crap partner. At the very least you are looking for an equal who is a positive addition to your life and not a drain.

You're not wrong, i just thought this thread related to guys 30s and over who havent had p*rn in their pockets since they were 11 like the iphone generation.

You're right about the state of modern girls. All the fakery is ridiculous. Love Island even 5 years ago was way more natural than the plastic pigs who go on it now.

Yes exactly this. A lack of strong, natural, attractive and smart female role models.

Men are not more likely to attempt suicide than women and I really wish women especially would stop parroting that. Men and women attempt suicide at the same rates (women actually in some places at higher rates than men), but men are often more ‘successful’ because they opt for more violent means.

A guy started chatting me up down the frozen veggie food aisle not so long ago. Pointless by all accounts, but a surprise ego boost.

"All this ice but you still melted my heart"

What's happened over the past 20 years is online dating. The art of striking up great conversation requires self confidence, which any muppet can pretend they have online. Conversational skills have been lost to writing profiles, selecting your best pics, casting the net and awaiting responses from random strangers doing the same. It's bound to fail most of the time. Online dating's got everyone doing the "pick me dance" before even knowing who's worthy of their efforts. It's a game of chance online; you pays your fee to be cast amongst a sea of random mugshots, then are left to get on with it. A totally impersonal and actually quite cold, sterile way to seek true love. But that's how things are nowadays. Swipe left or right, decisions are usually made in haste and based on initial appearances. Many speak of their disappointment in dates not being what they expected, meeting weird people they wouldn't want to see again. 1st date horror stories are recounted on here regularly.

A smile from a woman will make most men's day a memorable one. He'll wish he'd said something to you. Most women are so afraid of rejection it's a rare occurrence. Seriously, try this next time you see a guy you like the look of and take the initiative. Going after what you want is extremely attractive and shows confidence.

The admirable qualities you seek: commitment, loyalty, ambition, respect etc are found in gentlemen. Don't be downhearted, there's still a good few out here in the real world.

Great come back if single!
I was/am happily married at the time but hey the veggie options clearly need to bond 😁

Let’s be real, they don’t give a shit as to if the woman is enjoying it or not, there’s loads of porn out there that’s whole point is to show a woman crying, hurt, humiliated etc. A woman or girls pleasure isn’t their focus.

I wouldn’t necessarily see it as ‘the good ones got snapped up’. A lot of those couples will be divorcing in their forties.

Yes but how many 40 something divorcés want to start all over again with nappies and buying a property, enmeshing finances again after having spent their 20s and 30s tied down? They usually just to want to have fun...they've had their family and done the marriage and settle down thing already

Whether they get divorced or not, it doesnt change that the good ones stil got snapped up!

The truth is, it's a certain type of men whatever the era. If that's where your focus is.

1940s, spivs, or GIs looking for a quick shag before going back to America.

1950s, teddy boys, greasers, knock you up and off on the bike.

1960s, mods, rockers, father furious at 'what you've brought home'.

1970s, hippy drop out, punk rocker, 'he's got a bloody safety pin through his nose',

1980s, 'he's wearing bloody make up and a frilly shirt, don't bring him here again!' Or metalheads, or city pump and dumpers in thrall to Thatcher.

1990s. Ohhhhh, new man, in touch with his feelings, will wear the baby in the sling as a badge of honour but let you work to pay the mortgage and bills and actually, oh forgot to say, not terribly good at cleaning up after everything. Or druggies, ravers.

2000s I'll leave that to younger posters I think!🤣

If you give off vibes that you think all men are porn watching, uncaring, non committal bastards the "decent" ones will move on to another woman who doesn't think that

I have strong, fun, independent, devoted, loyal caring female friends, all our husbands/partners are strong, loyal, soft, kind, devoted guys and dads.

We all love and respect each other as equals, there are differences between men and women but far fewer than the similarities.

We are all a bit older than 30 now, but we all want our kids to be ok, an ok home, to retire early together with ok health. To socialise, have fun, have time for hobbies, to take the piss out of each other, support each other. Help with stresses and for our family units to stay together.

We all still enjoy sex (with our respective partners just to clarify), everyone's enjoyment is important to us in the bedroom.

We all like having a bit of money but don't care who earns or spends what. It's not a source of power.

I find it, as a woman, rude to paint all men as selfish predators because they just aren't.

@TheCadoganArms completely agree and I think it is a great that our standards are getting higher and we are expecting more from a relationship.

It's simple market economics. The pool is a hell of a lot thinner compared to when youre in your 20s. Of course all the good people get coupled up prior to turning 30. Sure, there's divorces later on, but why? Cos one partner was a shithouse or the other had too high expectations. Then these re-enter the dating pool, jaded by divorce or looking for something that doesn't exist. You also get the terminally single, the party girls/boys who've had more traffic through them than picadilly circus. There's the odd exception to the rule but odd on youre fked. Single/Sane/Attractive - three criteria but you can have only two I'm afraid.

What's happened over the past 20 years is online dating. The art of striking up great conversation requires self confidence, which any muppet can pretend they have online.

But online dating is just an introduction vehicle. When you meet someone you still need those conversational skills, the wit, the confidence to carry yourself.

People can only fake it so far online, sooner or later you are going to have to actually meet someone for real. When I ran the OLD gauntlet I made a point of moving the conversation from email/messenger to a phone call very early on and if someone struggled to hold their own on the phone then it was unlikely we would be able to hold a comversation down the pub or resraurant.

From a personal perspective. I hated the whole bar 'chat someone up' scene. Certainly in my late teens and early 20s I was not the most confident in such situations and it took a real effort for me to cross the room as it were and say hello to someone I fancied. I still have haunting memories of the occasions I was verbally cut in two and dismissed and scurried away with my tail between my legs. Internet dating for me was a god send. At least the people you are talking to want to be there!

Same goes for women as well.

@TheCadoganArms the problem with OLD is the availability of it. There is literally always someone else to swipe on. It gives the illusion of choice so you are never satisfied as theres always another quick option in an hour or a day or whatever.
I miss the halcyon days you talk about, plucking up the courage to chat someone up on your friday or saturday night, knowing that if you didnt get those digits then you'd have to wait till the next weekend to try your luck again. Plus it was more natural seeing people in the flesh rather than a swipe and 2 weeks texting. Happier days! It made you value people more, simple as that.

You're only focussing on the (apparently) good ones.

I know plenty of men of my parents and grandparents generation who were shits.

The difference is, their wives stayed with them no matter what, whereas nowadays they'd be more likely to leave.