being accused of spoiling...

[nervousnanna]

Im a new nana! we got one grandson in November and another arrived in April. Im lucky in that the May baby lives round the corner and i see him almost everyday.

Not so lucky that the November one lives maybe an hours drive away, so although not impossible to visit, its more difficult, so probably see once a week, sometime once a fortnight depending on work schedules.

We have kitted out our house so that we can take either grandbaby at a moments notice without too much upheavel, so we have it all, cot, crib, changing mats, snuggle pods, pram, car seat.. everything... i admit its all second hand, buts its good second hand and im big on recycling where i can, and it means that the November baby can visit and mum and dad dont have to fill their car with all the usual equipment.

I can't seem to do right for doing wrong. November baby is to DSS and his partner, and her mum is furious at me because i've made such an effort and that she thinks that i'm trying to win favour! November babies other grandparents live just round the corner but have no intention of getting anything in and when baby visits its a chore for mum and dad as they have to cart it all about.

So then to April baby.. mum is my DD, and her husbands mum lives about a 2 hour drive away, and they very rarely see her, but she's making the same noises as the grand parents to November baby.. I'm trying to win favour by having everything to hand?

To me it seems like common sense, its not cost us much, and we don't splash cash around, but I remember when mine were little and it was a nightmare visiting relatives.

I don't boast or brag about what we have, i assume the children tell the other parents.. i think i just need an outside point of view on it?

Ignore posters who say you are ott. My kids have a room at each set of grandparents. Bed for ds 4 and travel cot for ds 2, high chair, carseats, toys, clothes etc and it makes life so much easier. Even if we are out a walk and passing there house and one of the kids need changing we can nip in and get them changed. With my parents though its not just for my kids its for my brothers and sisters kids too

You're a fantastic nana, and you've done a wonderful thing.

It really shows how kind and thoughtful you are.

Rather than put a little bit of effort in themselves to make things easier, it's far less effort for them to moan about it instead.

Nastiness is usually born out of jealousy.

Try not to give it another thought 💐

I think maybe instead of doing what you would have liked at the time maybe ask your kids what support they would like from you.

If my mum had created a nursery id have been pretty put out. I'd feel concerned that she thought the baby would be staying over. My mum brought bottles and a steriliser which were both never used. My kids love my mum and see her often but they only stay over occasionally and not until the little one was over 3.

They are ungrateful , my mum did the same and it was so helpful, otherwise I would have forgotten something!!

I only had 1 set of grandparents as they died on the other side before I was born and I adored/still adore them.

I spent last weekend staying at my Grandparents house (they are 92 and 88). I’m 38 with my own home and 2 of my own kids but being with them, in their home, in the same bed I first slept in at 1 is like a big emotional hug. The joy and happiness it brings me to still do this is unmeasured and I am extremely grateful I still have them around and they still live independently in their own home. It’s a comfort I don’t get from any where else in my life.

You do you. The memories of the grandbabies far outweighs the thoughts of another adult in their lives.

Why is it a bad thing you are providing a loving environment for them to thrive in?

Lovely that you want to support her, but encouraging her to leave baby is absolutely the wrong thing to do. And when you pop in do the practicals stuff, let her have the cuddles while you iron, not the other way round

Absolutely this. You sound sensible and wonderful... cannit believe the pettiness of the other grandmas tbh

Just do your best to ignore people like that. Sometimes we have to learn be be a bit thick skinned with people who criticise. They deserve to be ignored .

I think what you have done is brilliant. It shows you want to see your Grandkids. It’s an absolute ball ache carting everything around with you, even when your Parents live a 5 mins drive away. I had a bouncy chair at my Mum’s and Dad’s to make visiting easier but when visiting in-laws an hour away it was a pain.

You’re accommodating everyone here, you’re not playing favours. The others are moaning because they simple cba and feel like you’re showing them up but that’s on them.

Definitely the key question.

I don’t see an issue and I think it’s really thoughtful and you’re doing it for all the right reasons. We live a couple hours away from our parents and both my mum and MIL got travel cots, Moses baskets, crib, toys, steriliser etc all second hand (new mattresses). My mum even got given a bouncer and stroller from one of her friends whose grandchild had grown out of it and MIL got a high chair - we actually found there was a fair few grandparents passing baby things on that they’d bought for their house and so my mum/MIL ended up picking up some great things to keep at their house for DS. I love that most of the toys he plays with when he goes there were mine or DHs as a child that our parents have kept. Honestly its such a pain carting everything everywhere and it makes all the difference when packing the car up not to have to think about these things and know our parents already have them. They always have a stash of nappies in the right size and when DS was on formula they always had some of that in too. My mum lends the baby things to my dad and stepmum (they live close by) whenever they have DS too and MIL lends hers to SIL whenever she has DS. I just think it makes sense and I’d be super grateful if you were my mum. If the other grandparents feel it’s too much then that’s on them. I’d say as long as the actual parents don’t think you’re being too much then that’s the main thing

Not over the top at all, you sound lovely. I think jealousy maybe at work here.

I love what you've done for your grandbabies! So kind and thoughtful for their parents.

Some people do the opposite because it's the way they had it.

Your a fantastic nanny and fantastic mother, your daughter and stepson will truelly appreciate you, and when the time comes that you need their help they will be there. I know this because I know I will not for the people who are not interested in my kids and if I do need to do something because somethings im sure i will habe to i will ensure it's widely known its a big chore lol 😆

As long as the babies parents are happy (and the babies) then forget the rest of them

It's not clear to me who is upset.

Are either of the babies' parents saying you shouldn't be doing these things? Or only their other grandparents?

If any of the parents think you're being too full on then you need to tone it down.

If the parents are fine and it's only the other grandparents then how do they know so much about what's happening in your house?

What you have done is entirely logical, organised and very kind. They are jealous, ignore them!

What you’ve done is lovely and thoughtful. The other GPs are jealous. Leave them to it.

My mum did the same when I had my baby she had high chair, bath and travel cot plus a few outfits, blankets etc. It made life so much easier when travelling all we really needed was pram, feeding stuff and changing bag. You just sound like a kind caring nan!

My mum had a travel cot (granted my friend gave it to me and I left it there), a pushchair she got on FB selling page and a few toys and books she got second hand at her house as we lived 2.5 hours away. It made it easier for us as then we only needed to bring clothes when we visited. We have DS and two (small) dogs in the car which meant space was limited even with a relatively large car as the dogs were in the back seat (people carrier) so they weren’t right next to DS in his car seat. As DS got older she also got sippy cups and a few bits of kiddy plates and cutley for him. When we had DD they had downsized and had limited space and had got rid of a lot of the stuff so it was much harder for us as we had to take everything for two kids (although we only had one dog by that point and he got relegated to the footwell instead of the back seat 😂

Ignore them . Lovely to rock up to visit and you have everything . Hope they visit regularly 😊

It’s not over the top. My MIL did this for mine and my wife’s son (he’s the first and only grandchild so far) and it has honestly been a godsend at times! We used to live 50 mins away and when we came over for the weekend, it made life so much easier!

Different opinion here.
i would be alarmed if the in laws of two of my children thought I was in any way being inappropriate. It seems odd that both sets feel the same over one issue. It also seems unusual that both your children have told you potentially hurtful information. It seems even more strange that you point out that your daughters boyfriend lived with you from age 16, that is very young. You also dwell on his upbringing which seems to me not relevant to this particular topic. You call the parents s children, I had to reread to check there were not other children. Whilst they will always be your children you need to acknowledge that they are adults.
I wonder if sub consciously you want to be the most important grand parent? You could be being a little controlling and your children afraid to tell you their opinion and thus are blaming the in laws.
Whatever the reasons I feel it would be best not to keep behaving in a way that could cause a rift. Falling out with your childrens in-laws even in an indirect manner can only cause issues in the future.
Love and enjoy your grand children

OP just had to come on to say you sound absolutely bloody lovely. Your DD and grandchildren are lucky to have you. You do you - don't give a second thought to what anyone else thinks. So many people would give anything to have that kind of support, and you're giving them all the things you never had. I think it's fantastic and don't for a second let those comments get to you. Xxx