He has just told me to F off

[Confusedandconfusedandconfused]

Partner of 1.5 years, we are away together for a few days.

He gave me some feedback based on a job I am applying for and it bruised me. I asked if we could speak back in the room rather than in a public place and we haven’t been speaking for the last couple of hours. I’m feeling stressed as have an upcoming interview and the atmosphere is not good.

We had dinner plans and I just said I wasn’t feeling up to it. I have also had another rejection for a different job I was applying to and feeling quite low.

He has stormed off out of our hotel and shouted at me to “fuck off”. I fully intend to.

What do I do now? We are in a tiny village.

He is otherwise supportive kind and patient but swearing at me is a red flag and I don’t want to continue the relationship.

Really not trying to be hurtful to you OP and while he may owe you an apology for using expletives, I think you owe him an apology for your behaviour too. You have chosen to escalate it by leaving and going and staying somewhere else rather than trying to have an honest discussion causing further drama. I may be wrong but the way you have described the situation its sounds as if this has built up for him and he had lost it. I am in no way saying telling you to f off is acceptable but I see fault on both ends here and his response in saying you are further escalating it suggests he may have been willing to resolve this

Total overeacton.

No I'm not but starting to despair at the lack of back bones in some women.

She has backbone, she left the apartment and found another!

That's not how she describes his leaving ....and she came back to say he hadn't told her to Fuck off ..I know people who would say well as your not talking not eating great holiday I'll fuck off and get food etc.
If the role was reversed you would say she was reasonable but because the male walked off he's abusive. She abusive by doing the passive aggressive silent treatment and lying about being ok she wasn't ok read her posts.

Are you 12?

Incredibly immature. Let the man go so he can find a grown woman to be with.

I think you are the issue

"How it started was - I have an interview tomorrow that I’m stressed about."

You "are away together for a few days" - and yet you have an interview tomorrow? How did this come about? Was this break arranged a long time ago, and then this opportunity appeared? Or was the interview already arranged, and then the break arranged afterwards? Which encroached on which?

Him walking out wasn't abusive. Him telling her to fuck off, as outlined in her original post, was. Frankly, I'd find muttered curses pretty rude as well.

I am astonished by the lack of comprehension of how recruitment works on this thread. The candidate doesn't get a say in when the interview is.

As for the implication that OP shouldn't have agreed to the interview if it was going to clash with the holiday: if I was dating someone who expected me to turn down the chance of a job because the interview clashed with a week away, that person would instantly be an ex. A lot of people do not have the luxury of being able to be picky about which jobs they take.

Telling someone to "Fuck off!" isn't abuse any more than "Go away!" is. It's just more vulgar. The OP admits that her behavior over the past few months hasn't been great, so naturally she's using the swearing to make herself feel a little better about that because it's not something that she has ever done.

Ordering someone to "go away", to leave a space they are entitled to be in, is abusive, regardless of choice of language. Swearing at someone is abusive.

Neither of them told the other to "go away". He left to get food and she left for another place to stay, both within their rights to do so. He swore at her and she is entitled to consider that behaviour to be unacceptable.

Tell me you didn't read the OP without telling me you didn't read the OP.

How can anyone equate go away with fk off?! That's like saying there's no difference between calling someone a fool or a c**t.

He told her to fuck off. That means go away and leave me alone. She can find that unacceptable all she wants. But it still isn't abuse.

I repeat: Ordering someone to "go away", to leave a space they are entitled to be in, is abusive, regardless of choice of language.

Calling someone a name is abuse though no matter what that name is.

I think some of you are confused about what swearing is.

We can argue till we're blue in the face but it all comes down to tolerance. If you're happy to be sworn at then thats no problem at all, you probably give it back and theres nothing unhealthy about that if that's your dynamic. But if you have zero tolerance to being spoken that way then that's entirely your choice and you dont have to tolerate it. Anyway I think we've no chance of hearing from the OP now as shes probably traumatised. Just hope if she's reading this that today went well and issues are as sorted as they can be with regards to the holiday and making the way home in a few days.

No one is entitled to be in someone's personal space and if they want you to get out of it. They have every right to tell you to leave them alone. He wasn't telling her to get out of the room. He was telling her to leave him alone. Again, that is not abusive.

No confusion here. I know youre saying its the sentiment but still, swearing is construed a lot worse than a milder expletive by many people.

Have a laugh with this

Ohh that reminds me. I went on a bit of a Jilly Cooper binge when I was a young teen and unintentionally started saying "bloody" all the time. My mother used to yell, "STOP FUCKING SWEARING!" at me...! 😆She hated swearing.

I've been in a relationship for more than 20 years. We are really solid when coping with the big things — death, disease, court cases, elderly parents, redundancy etc. We're also older, middle-class professionals who don't usually pepper our language with expletives.

But sometimes, usually with smaller things, one or other of us reaches the end of our tether and we have both been known to yell 'You can just fuck off' as we stomp off slamming doors. I think for us it's a way of expressing total frustration with the way the other's behaving. Frankly I'd rather we did that than have the kind of three hour 'when you said this I felt that' and 'on Tuesday when you did this I felt hurt' sessions that just eke out the agony.

Sometimes you just need to say 'I've had enough, I can't bear you right now' and sometimes that comes out shorthand as 'fuck off.' Obviously I wouldn't feel sanguine about it if it was said aggressively, with a fist in my face, or by someone I found frightening or out of control. I think you'd be foolish to walk away from an otherwise healthy relationship because you behaved like an arse and he was so frustrated the only thing he could say to express how frustrated he was was 'Fuck off'. Maybe you need to yell it back at him when he's driving you nuts? Good luck with working it out.

Many people do use the term to mean go away including well I'm going to "fuck off now see you later" even teenagers shout it to each other in the streets.

I dont give a flying fk how teenagers use it.

How can anyone equate go away with fk off?! That's like saying there's no difference between calling someone a fool or a ct.

Because that's how it's commonly used. I worked with someone who'd routinely say 'I'm going to fuck off to the pub/ cafe/ warehouse now, anyone coming with me?' and similar. It's nothing sexual.

Not teenagers, adults. And we're grown-ups here. You can type 'fuck' and nothing bad will happen to you! It's just a word.