He has just told me to F off

[Confusedandconfusedandconfused]

Partner of 1.5 years, we are away together for a few days.

He gave me some feedback based on a job I am applying for and it bruised me. I asked if we could speak back in the room rather than in a public place and we haven’t been speaking for the last couple of hours. I’m feeling stressed as have an upcoming interview and the atmosphere is not good.

We had dinner plans and I just said I wasn’t feeling up to it. I have also had another rejection for a different job I was applying to and feeling quite low.

He has stormed off out of our hotel and shouted at me to “fuck off”. I fully intend to.

What do I do now? We are in a tiny village.

He is otherwise supportive kind and patient but swearing at me is a red flag and I don’t want to continue the relationship.

Watch your language. You're being abusive.

@jannier what the fuck are you talking about? I was quoting and critiquing @SeverinaVichenza's ridiculous over the top outburst, not the OP's.

Indeed, but the point is if someone doesnt like to be told to fk off then thats their choice.

Its hardly acceptable or else we'd all be walking around swearing all the time.

He didn't order her to leave a space she was entitled to, he left their space.

And no I don't think the language was nice but I also don't think refusing to resolve an issue, pretending you don't know what the issue is and creating an atmosphere because you didn't like some critical feedback is nice either.

I also hate it when people try to use a generalisation of autistic people to try support their argument. My adult DD is autistic and has learning disabilities but is able to communicate when she isn't ready to talk about something. She does not pretend there isn't an issue, even if she doesn't fully understand immediately why she feels stressed. Even just today she said she was feeling anxious but didn't know why. I suggested it might have been (what some would see as) a silly little thing earlier that knocked her off. Turned out it was, we spoke about it and got on with our day. Now, don't get me wrong it isn't always resolved as quickly as that, bu she does not deliberately pretend there is nothing wrong when she knows there is.

You know fine well the PP who said they should be able to sort it out by the end of the day was referring to NT people as we have not been given any other information to think otherwise. If you have a relationship with an autistic person then you know they are autistic and potentially things may take longer to resolve. Not the case here at all.

Anyway, I hope OP interview went well, they've both apologised to each other, discussed how to deal with future conflict and have managed to enjoy and salvage the rest of their break.

I havent RT entire T so apologiers, but is it remotely possible he was planning to propose over dinner? And therefore was already a bit stressed himself?

Indeed, but the point is if someone doesnt like to be told to fk off then thats their choice.

I think I'd rather have a partner who expressed their extreme frustration by yelling 'Fuck off' and walking out than a long list of other issues, including drinking too much, gambling, smoking, gossiping, being rude to waitresses, being a lech, being boring... I could go on ad infinitum.

On another thread in which someone's behaving badly some switched-on posters pointed out that it's important to understand that even a furious 'fuck off' is a form of communication. It's a form of communication that people resort to when they're overwhelmed with anger and hurt and they want you to know it. You may not like it, but it's telling you something, OP. You've driven him to the end of his tether and now you're punishing him by moving out. I think he's probably right, I think it's over. I don't think this 'He was rude to me' response is indicative of a long-lasting adult relationship.

I also hate it when people try to use a generalisation of autistic people to try support their argument.

I am autistic and am writing from my own experience.

She's writing from experience too, and has a good point.

She escalated an argument she had started. It's a week-end break for him too. Maybe he had plans? Offering help over an interview isn't abusive and he left her space - now she has thrown the baby out with the bathwater. Over reaction.

Then she was just as bad by deliberately shutting down making it so uncomfortable he was forced to leave.

Which is actually what we hear all the time were out high streets, pubs, parks, tube it's normal especially in under 30s

No someone being a fool is being a "right Twat" everyone knows that don't they?

I think the holiday was doomed to be stressful and full of tension. Being away for a holiday and having an interview in the middle of it was a recipe for disaster.

Both of you are wrong and neither of you are wrong. It was a tough situation, and hopefully, you will both calm down and talk things over.

I would not abandon a relationship over one "F-off". I imagine there is stress with you working at finding a job and all the headaches that go on around that process. Give grace and forgiveness and hopefully, he will too.

I know you've had a lot of replies here, but if you ask for feedback, it's good to decide first that you won't be reactive. I get that it was hard to hear and he's not even in the same field (exactly) so what I would have done would be to try and filter the feedback. What might he be right about. What do I secretly know is true. What has he got wrong here.

I don't want to be told to fuck off, definitely not. But also, I don't want a partner that can't receive the feedback that they ASKED FOR

How did the interview go OP?

Agree with this entirely

What a load of absolute horseshit

That phrase is not more mature. It's passive-aggressive, just like the OP saying she wasn't angry but just felt 'quiet'. These are weapons - had them used against me so I recognise them.

@Confusedandconfusedandconfused How are you doing? Hope you managed to speak to him and it was a good outcome. Very few couples would survive if a single f* off was enough to split (if all else is good).
Hope you two manage to sort it and learn to deal with such stressful situations better in the process.

It's not passive-aggressive to say that you don't feel up to something if you don't feel up to it.

It's as if posters on this thread expect a man's opinion to be met with "thank you my lord, now let me show my gratitude with a blowjob" and that anything less is the woman being unreasonable.

How ridiculous and proves the point in your eyes the man can do no good and the woman always wins no matter how wrong she would be if genders reversed.

Pull the other one, it has bells on.

If the sexes were reversed, I'd say exactly the same thing, bar for the response being "thank you ma'am, now let me show my gratitude by licking your clit".

Well, at least you are consistent!

It's passive aggressive to say I'm being quiet because I'm not up to it when actually you have the raving hump that someone hasn't said wow your application is spot on and lied. In fact if it were a man I'm pretty sure you would be saying he's using silence and withdrawing as a form of control so you don't do it again and toe the line.

Be that as it may - but the actual person who posted this thread made no mention that either herself or her partner have autism.

So that view on some points is not necessarily relevant to the original poster.

Also, you might want to consider refraining from using derogatory comments on this thread like "it's not f*ing rocket science", and "that's some leap of whatever passes for logic around here" and making negative remarks about the reading comprehension of people on this thread just because they've challenged your views. That's a quick to lose any credibility.