He has just told me to F off

[Confusedandconfusedandconfused]

Partner of 1.5 years, we are away together for a few days.

He gave me some feedback based on a job I am applying for and it bruised me. I asked if we could speak back in the room rather than in a public place and we haven’t been speaking for the last couple of hours. I’m feeling stressed as have an upcoming interview and the atmosphere is not good.

We had dinner plans and I just said I wasn’t feeling up to it. I have also had another rejection for a different job I was applying to and feeling quite low.

He has stormed off out of our hotel and shouted at me to “fuck off”. I fully intend to.

What do I do now? We are in a tiny village.

He is otherwise supportive kind and patient but swearing at me is a red flag and I don’t want to continue the relationship.

Yes but she wasn’t just waking up early and working away at her application herself for example, she was actively involving her partner by asking him to read through and give feedback.

A friend tried to get me to do this on holiday once- she wasn’t with me but she had screen-shotted her application or interview prep responses (can’t remember which one) and Whatsapped me. The deadline was the next day, but my thing is why didn’t she get herself organised to send her responses over for my feedback before the holiday? She had actually mentioned it to me before and I said I’d look at it but also made clear to her I was away between x and y date. If she had sorted it earlier I could’ve given the feedback. It was her choice to leave it so late.

I found it quite selfish and actually told her I couldn’t review it while I was away.

In fairness to Op though, I don’t know if everyone has missed it but on her last post she has taken accountability and admitted she has a lot to work on!

by asking him to read through and give feedback

No, she didn't. If she had, she'd have for it in private:

He gave me some feedback based on a job I am applying for and it bruised me. I asked if we could speak back in the room rather than in a public place

He gave her feedback in public and she had to ask him to wait until they were in private. If she'd asked for that feedback, she'd have waited until they were in private to ask. So his feedback was unsolicited.

Not surprised he got annoyed - and fuck off is mild, I think. You are having a break together and all you want to talk about is a job application? Forget it for the break, it will wait - if it won't you should have sorted it earlier. Why were you bruised by his comments anyway? If bruised, maybe because he is irritated that you want to talk about work when you are on holiday?

Or, she asked for it to be in private once she realised that the feedback wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear.

OP hasn't actually said if the feedback was requested or not.

I went back and read the OPs posts - it’s not super clear either way but we definitely can’t state for a fact she never asked for feedback.

If he has seen/heard her responses, we can reasonably assume she either shared them with him orally or she shared her written responses for the purposes of feedback. Or why else would she have done so?

It’s very rare for someone just to share interview prep responses just for the sake of it?

I think what may have happened is she assumed the feedback would be more positive or neutral then when she realised it was more negative she wanted to take it somewhere private which is understandable.

So? Is he not allowed to offer advice? Why is everyone so antsy about this sort of thing. My late DH frequently offered unsolicited advice, most of it was worth hearing. Mind, he was a trained counsellor.

Why everyone so hung up on the feedback? If she didnt like what he said it's no reason to be told to foxtot oscar.

Looking at it from his perspective - he was probably hoping for a few days away from your job hunting and stress . He tried to give you feedback ( not sure if this was wanted or not ) & because you didn’t like what he said you’re sulking & refused to go out for dinner .
It sounds like you’ve done this before and he lost his temper
By all means leave if the relationship has come to an end but it all seems a bit dramatic!

It takes a lot, but I tend to swear and say f off if someone really pushes me to the limit. We're only human at the end of the day.

@MaidOfAle No one has accused op of being abusive for leaving (as far as I can remember).
Also, your phrasing made it seem like you were accusing a pp of enacting second rule, not OP's bf.

You’re stressed about the job and you’re taking it out on him. No judgement, I’ve done it too.

Rejecting his feedback, going silent, refusing to go out - all a bit passive aggressive especially on holiday. Mistake to bring the holiday stress along.

Dump him or don’t dump him, but don’t pretend he’s totally in the wrong here. He shouldn’t have sworn at you but he was clearly frustrated. You want sympathy on here but I think you’d be better off apologising for bringing work stuff away and stressing you cannot accept being sworn at. And then move on. Whether that’s with him or not depends on what your everyday life is like.

So when you're on holiday you expect the person you go with to sit silently in your shared hotel bedroom awaiting you deciding to either now carry on as normal, speak about the issue or they fall asleep waiting. Or do they get up and walk out to find food/amusement saying we'll fuck this

So how do you think he knew what to give feedback on? Do you think he snatched the sheet from OP’s hands? Demanded she tell him? Or maybe she voluntarily handed them over?

Based on your updates on page one - it sounds like he engeneered the arguments.

You were trying to de-escalate and he wasn't having it.

Does he have form for ruining holidays and special occasions?

We can probably all sympathise with the bloke here but that is not to say that her being offended by the swearing isn't justified.

Anyway who's hoping for an update?

Exactly an adult response instead of a sulk.

You had a row?! Yes obviously it’s not ok to swear but heated words in a frustrating situation can happen, most people can work through these things as a Couple and move on.

I thought so at first too but reading your update, you were as contrite with him as you are here and HE seems to be the one escalating.

It comes accriss as him gaslighting you tbh. Making out you are hysterical one who 'ruined things' when actually it's him.

You are allowed to feel hurt op. It's natural to feel hurt when criticised, even when the criticism is fair. You acknowledged he'd done nothing wrong, you were just feeling a bit raw.

You seem to have a good grasp on human emotions. Unlike him. Who could have simply told you he was sorry and he loved you and not to take the criticism to heart as it was meant to be constructive. That he supports you in everything you do and that you can do it.

That's what a loving partner does when he realises he's hurt his wife. Even if it was unintential hurt.

He's a dick and you're well rid.
His follow up reply makes that even more apparent.

She has

@jannier not the morning after the night before.

Or she asked it in public but didn't really want constructive feedback just an oh fantastic id employ you meaningless drivel so then got annoyed because he thought she could improve it ...which is probably true as she's had no success in previous applications....we all need job application help no offense meant....
This thread is rather like the posts that ask for opinions when they really should say I only want you to agree with me.

It wasn't asking for opinions. It was asking how to get out of the relationship, particularly given they're on holiday in a tiny willage.

There are plenty of vacancies out there with short closing dates and and agencies operate on "first come first served" even for permanent positions. I can well believe OP seeing a job advert that would close during the holiday whilst she was on holiday.

I don't go on holiday with, nor live with, other people any more for this exact reason. Being around other people is incredibly stressful before adding in being in a shared bedroom in a strange far-away place.

Think of it from my point of view: I'm trapped in a room with someone who keeps needling me and won't give me time to process whatever we've just argued about and I can't just go to my home where I'm safe.

You really don't think much of the OP do you? Presuming that she would ask for an ego stroke but disguise the request as a request for sincere feedback.

My experience of life is that it's far more likely that he looked over OP's shoulder or listened into an earlier interview and then mansplained how much he thinks she sucks than that she asked for an ego stroke.