Would you find this level of stinginess unacceptable?

[WhingeyStingey]

I've been dating a man for a couple of months. He has many lovely qualities but has described himself as "tight" with money (although will happily spend ££££ on his hobbies).

For reference, I'm all about equity and have paid half for every meal we have had in restaurants. I also bought our coffees on our first date as he had travelled further (only 25 minutes though in total).

I've noticed the following behaviours which, frankly, have turned me off;

1. The first time he came to my house he turned up empty-handed. We had decided to cook a meal together and I had bought all the food, nice Gu desserts and alcohol. He did message on his way to ask if I needed anything picking up from the shop for the meal but obviously I had already got everything by that point. If it were me, I would have come with a bottle of wine or flowers (if a female friend).

1. That same evening, we nipped to the local pub after the meal and he let me pay for the drinks (we just had one each). I offered to pay so I guess it was my fault but now feel he should have paid as I had laid on the all food/dinks at my house.

1. We went for a meal and then to a fancy cinema. He drove (20 mins). I paid for parking (£10!) . We split the meal bill. The cinema tickets were on me as I have a membership and get 6 "free" tickets a year. We had a drink in the cinema and again, he let me pay. He made some comment about how he doesn't generally fork out for coffee but he is always happy to accept one if someone wants to buy him one!

Maybe it's me that has the problem and I should just stop offering. I'm quite a generous person and don't usually keep score but I've started to with him due to noticing these behaviour patterns. Would you be bothered by his tightness?

If U DONT ask-U DONT get

Re: if he had wanted to get back with me he could have offered to take me somewhere
> That is soo old fashioned outdated thinkin - that indicates that IS just what U were expectin/hopin - he was simply playin it cool - findin out things - HAD a reason 2 contact - that KNEW would instantly B refused, however had U confirmed the possibility - that would have brought a DIFFERENT response

A. Womans. Place.Is.In.The.Wrong!

this is NOT the zoo

Yardley still do rounded ovals

The square ovals were NOT a success

'I'm getting myself a coffee.' Then let the silence fill the space where you'd normally add 'Do you want one?'

Soap thread? 😂

Sorry, but the ONLY attention seeking is being done via your posts which make no sense, contain zero facts and are basically, full of hogwash and horse💩.

If he is like this at the beginning and 'showing his best side' then trust me he will only get worse. It is clearly already irking you - dump him!

Something no one has suggested yet is inviting yourself over to his for a meal. And then don't take anything or offer anything.
And generously allow him to decide what to cook. Just let him know of any dietary requirements.
Unless he comes up trumps for this evening, let him go quick sticks.

Oh no, I definitely wouldn’t want to see this guy again! Imagine living the rest of your life like that, always being the one that gives - it would really bother me. Plus a 25mins drive is pretty standard no? It takes me that long to get to a friend’s house but I don’t expect them to pay for parking.

Unfortunately in my experience, men with this mentality only get worse with time. If you find yourself pregnant by him you will end up paying for everything the child needs yourself. Find yourself worrying about the bills alone rather than it being a team effort and find yourself never having holidays or experiences unless you foot the bill etc etc.

Men who are stingy in finances are also usually stingy with affection. It is also a sign that he doesn't see you as a wife or long term partner as he isn't willing to make any investment in you.

Get shot of him pronto, he is mean with money, & no shame. U r wasting yr time. He's definitely got nothing going for him.

Get rid of the tight man he won't get any better.

There are worse qualities than being tight, but it is a turn off.

I once had a brief boyfriend who would order himself the cheapest pint on his round and a double whiskey of whatever was most expensive on mine. Needless to see why it was brief.

Stop offering and see how he reacts-my family is all very stingy (accept on spending on themselves, so I find this kind of behaviour a deal breaker in a relationship, but that's me.

Yea I would be bothered by the tightness and I would already be planning to dump him. I am also tight with money and 50-50 but none of what you describe is lavish IMO. No vintage champagnes. Normally at the beginning of a relationship couples argue to try to pay for stuff to be seen to be generous plentiful and rich. Your right at the beginning. It is only going to get worse.

Sounds like my ex. He acted like he was poor and never paid for anything. I came to find out he spent his money on drugs, porn and affairs.

if they can’t meet you half way then get rid.

being tight IS ambiguous
> EXPECTIN IS a EVEN worse quality

REMEMBER the mantre EQUALITY
ALWAYS go on a "date" EXPECTIN 2 pay 50-50 - it covers URself
If U ordered - EXPECT 2 pay - anythin else IS a bonus
Cover URself - if the guy INSISTS - then ACCEPT it FREE meal

If U R expectin MORE than equality
Then U HAVE 2 pay 4 it - it balances itself out

If U went in2 town - guy`s would B buyin left & right 4 a REASON

> Probably NOT just because they have had a LOT of Guiness

If it were me it would be bye bye rather than buy buy.

Men like this only get worse over time. It was wrong of him to come empty handed to your home and to not pay for the drinks on those several occasions. He is a sponger. We had an acquaintance like this, and he came to our home from interstate and stayed a couple of times. He even boasted about all the people he stayed with for free accommodation, and actually planned his holidays around that. One time it was my husband's birthday and I put on a small party. This man did not contribute anything. After staying with us for a week, when we all went out to dinner, he did not offer to pay for us. Nor did he bring us anything. And he stained my best bath towel and we found he had shoved some Q tips down the bathroom basin. We also think the stole a knife and fork. He went and had dinner with a family who were mutual friends, and again did not contribute, and ate the host's dessert because there were not enough for everyone. One time we visited him in his city and all he gave us was a cup of tea and very stale cookies. Finally, one more time he showed up without warning when we were having dinner. We kept right on eating ours and did not offer him anything. He finally got the hint and we never heard from him again and he stopped sending us Christmas cards.

You have to stop paying, and see how he reacts. But you still have to dump him.

Tight, no manners, selfish, thoughtless, rude. Do you really want to waste your time talking this out? How draining would that be for you. Better to find someone who is more deserving of your generosity and kindness. Why waste it on someone who doesn’t deserve it. You should be having fun at the start of a relationship not dealing with this awful person.

Unacceptable. In my experience (as a teacher) I find that stinginess with money isn't limited to financial resources. I find that the stingiest fathers I come across are likewise as parsimonious with other capital, namely time and effort, especially regarding family.

You can be sure the niggardly father who whines at the cost of a book or item of stationery is just as cheeseparing with quality time with kids, and time and effort put into housework. (Funnily enough these tightwads don't face any particular challenges in getting the new iPhone each year).

I see the stinginess of your squeeze as a pattern. I can say it's 'lucky' in a way that he hasn't the sense to at least try to hide it because you know what you're letting yourself in for.

I know it's early days. A new relationship is the time when people bend over backward to make a good impression. You're only a couple of months into the relationship but you say you've already started to keep score which is out of character for you. There is the possibility of sitting down and having a nice heart to heart about it. But I wouldn't set any high expectations on that.