In Turmoil - my marriage is over

[CowsGoMoo]

I have been with my husband for 14 years and we have been married for nearly 10 years (anniversary in Aug) We have an 8 year old son and a 4 year old daughter.

He has recently been on a business trip to China and returned last Monday. He was away for 9 days and I missed him more than I could find bearable. Me and the LO's were so excited to pick him up and he was soo pleased to see them but barely exchanged a hi with me, got home for him to tell me that things have changed, he didn't miss me and feels he needs to work things out in his head as to whether we have a future. He said he has been unhappy for such a long time. I really didn't know he was.

We have tried to talk and sort things out since then but nothing I say seems to make it better, I have told him that I would like to try again but he doesn't seem to want that. He asked me this morning to pack him a bag and he is going to stay at his brothers.
I am devastated!

He is a great husband and father, he started his own company a few years back and does put a lot of work into it, the kids adore him and perhaps I haven't been as attentive as I could but cant understand why he says that he doesn't love me in the same way anymore and wants to leave me and our children broken.

I have been so weak and begged him to stay this morning, I feel so pathetic. Crying as I type this.

I really don't know what to do, cant eat or sleep while also trying to smile for the children.

Has anyone got any advice, Thank you

def don't shag him!
Do you think him staying over will send confusing messages to your dc's?

"Quickie divorce via internet" = Him thinking he can potentially get away with giving you less money Don't let him. Se a proper solicitor ASAP.

Kepp strong, I think you are doing amazing well in the circumstances.

Please don't get a quickie divorce over the internet CGM just to save your w*nker H some time and money. Unless you know all your rights and entitlements, please don't finalise anything that way.

Please get yourself some good legal advice. If you need a good solicitor, I am sure there are people who can provide names of excellent lawyers, although maybe Fiona Shakleton would be a tad expensive

CGM: please listen to all of us: do not give up without a fight and book yourself into a solicitor's office. For the sake & future of your children, make sure you get adequate and clear support from the legal side. He wants you out and done asap. Don't give in and let him have his will.

You are entitled to part of his pensions, insurances, the kids tax credits all to yourself, possibly even the whole house mortgage free if you see a good solicitor. Give Jeremy a call today. Have you sorted your docs? Have you stashed away a few bob? Do it now! Do it now! Do it now! Spring into action girl, secure your future and your dcs welfare!

Do not shag him, PUHLEAZE. What do you wanna catch? Herpes? Chlams? Get real and stay away from him. Wouldn't want to be anywhere near his cck after he sunk it into that little piece of sht!

You deserve so much better than that!!!

Have you set up your own bank account and re-directed all the kids' tax credits from the past and told them to send it to your new account?

Speak to a lawyer ASAP. Beware of your H accessing your joint account and cheque book.

Message withdrawn

He is a fuck wit. DO NOT SHAG HIM!! Really he could have any STD.

He wants to end it all with a quickie divorce - well that is charming. Save him money so he can treat his Chinese tart? Do not make it easy for him and get every penny you can out of this low life.

If it was me I would make him pay through the nose.

Thats nice he has just come home and told me that he will now get his mum to do his washing.

end of another era

I did used to like looking after him and washing his clothes making his appearance look smart.

I am very very depressed and it is ds birthday tomorrow.

CGM, the whole non washing thing is excellent news, use the time you spent washing his smelly keks to do something exciting for you - i.e. maybe go to the gym or put a face pack on, have a massage, anything to make you feel better about yourself. It's a fact that exercise makes you feel better as it releases endorphins. The only bad thing about this is that you didn't get to bag up all his sh1te / dirty clothes and throw them at his mother, a missed opportunity. I'm sorry you are feeling so depressed, but it is very early days and you will begin to feel better but it will take time.
Do you think seeing him is a good idea if you feel so bad? It's still so raw for you. Whatever happens, good luck and I really admire you for being so strong for your DS on his Birthday. x

CGM I have inserted rather large pointy rusty needle into correct orifice, it seems it isnt the first little prick she has had!!

All advice on her is brilliant, Alexa especially hammered it home, no no no, no bonkin! Do not give yourself away so cheaply, even if you have to lock yourself in your room, and do not let him in. Let him see you are worth more than a cheap Chinese import!!

Money, house, you are in a very strong position, he is leaving the marriage, through adultery, young children, he wants quickie so he can pull it all from under you and start a new life, well not fuckin likely, will cost him dearly, emotionally as well as financially. You have to look after the dc, first and foremost, and you are just as important you gave your life to him, and thats will jot come cheap.

Get legal advice immediately, he most definetley has thats why hes rushing, a good legal team will knock the wind out of his sails, put yourself in the driving seat. Your way, or no fuckin way.

CC x

I'm sorry - is this a grown man? He is going to get his mummy to do his washing? Can't he use a washing machine? He is such a waste of space.

As everyone says, get yourself a mega-lawyer and take him to the cleaners. BTW make sure your children's school fees are definitely covered - you don't want to have to move ds away from his lovely school and dd deserves the same opportunities. You don't want all his money going on this other baby and any new children.

Stay strong CGM and don't let him touch you - think of him as diseased and foul - that should put you off!!!!

Thanks colacubes! hopefully her big end will fall off now, or dry up and go crusty (sorry - yuck!)

right bed situation sorted, he is on sofa, given him spare duvet (really thin summer one so he should freeze) looked at him earlier and still felt something but was also repulsed

yes, mummy is going to do his washing from now on! though he hasnt taken all his clothes yet so may bag them up if feeling strong enough.

I wont be going with any internet quickie.com divorce company. There is lots to sort out, namely we have a 50/50 mortgage on our house in both names and 50/50 mortgage on business premises in both our names, as well as 2 cars, school fees, life insurance policies and 3 pension policies we have between us. I almost want to string it out for a long as possible to see whether chinese whore and baby stick around. Still cant believe he would take on some bastard rat child of this woman, he used to hate our children as babies, didnt like his sleep disturbed, but at least these were HIS children!

AAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhh, he only has to step into this house and I cry.

Cant believe this time 9 years ago he was supporting me through labour and was the most lovely, caring, supportive man you could ever have hoped to meet.....

Do wish I could turn back time though

He really is a twat - he can't even work out how to use a washing machine. How old is he - 12?

At least you have your beautiful children - they really will give you something to focus on. Get a good lawyer (quickly before the whore spends all his cash) so you can ensure a good settlement.

string it out, my mother did, she didn't want my father back after everything he put her through but she saw no reason why she should give him what he wanted and divorce him so he could marry OW. He had no grounds to divorce her so he had to wait 5 years. ha ha.

Don't know what the law is now, 3 years non contest divorce I think? Make him wait. Whay should you make life easy for them?

Try and look at this situation as if you were one of us, reading this on MN. Just how pathetic does your H sound? How grubby and sordid and shitty does his behaviour sound? How strong and good and loving and brave do you sound? Fuck him.

Actually don't fuck him, he might give you something unpleasant, but you know what I mean.

And get a lawyer! We really are going to keep nagging about this you know!!

Georgiemama, I'm afraid that the law says otherwise. You can divorce your partner quickly for 2 reasons: adultery or unreasonable behaviour. Both have to be filed within 6 months of the incident occurring or being informed about it. Otherwise you are seen to accept it.

Next: CGM can divorce him on grounds of adultery and name the other person (would deffo do this as she'll be named in public notes (that's a law career finished if she ever wanted to -most traditional businesses won't touch her if she's been named as OW as she's seen to be disloyal))

I have the sneaking suspicion, that the H really wants out (grass is greener blah). Fact is, if CGM doesn't divorce him on grounds of adultery he can divorce her for unreasonable behaviour.

TBH: why string it out for so long? This is a stupid idea IMO. The longer the divorce takes, the longer you'll be unsecured re financial settlement, maintenance, etc. You're opening yourself up to the risk that he might 'disappear', leave his job, change his salary, the house being repossessed. Do not string it out!!!

IME, most wives get more money in the financial settlent if the H wants a quick way out. Take it, build a new life and move on. Don't dwell on the OW. I'm betting my little piggy bank (shoe fund) on them being split up within 18 months from now.

Did you call Jeremy's office, hun? Get going!
Good luck.

Yes, we will all keep nagging you until you see a solicitor!!

Did you get all the documents you need: bank accounts going all the time back, insurance policies, cars, land, shares, inheritance, have the house valued, both pension plans, etc.

Your solicitor will need these docs.

Also, chuck out all his stuff, not in a mean way (you're better than this), but pack them away in boxes and store in garage or study for him to pick up. He's the one who played away, he has to move out.

You've been married for what qualifies as a long time. This will give you more access to his £££.

Power hug! You're very strong girl. We all want you to succeed. Enjoy your son's birthday! x

Also to add to all the wisdom of the wise women here, he is probably thinking, being a tad arrogant these days, that you will be wanting him in your bed at some point on his visits to the house. Oh, how wrong he is, how wrong he is. Be strong, keep thinking about what he is up to and he is just trying to break you down.

CGM I hope ds has a lovely birthday and that your h had a very cold night.

oh CGM - bag his clothes up. Bag everything up, make sure it is in bin bags rather than in suitcases. Get rid of everything, give it to him next time he comes. Make it your decision when it goes.

You have put some much love and effort into this man. You have tried to keep him smart, and fed, and cared for

But now he is pissing on that and you need to take the control back. You are worth more than this. If he gets to make all the decisions - as well as who does his washing - you are left with no control at all over even the tiniest thing.

Go see a solicitor. Take control. Please, please don't let yourself get dragged down by love and anger to a point where he can walk all over you because you are not prepared. At the moment, everything he does is a blow for you - even the washing - because you are waiting for his next move.

Make the next move.

Happy Birthday to CGM`s ds!
Hope H had a miserable night on the sofa.

Havent been on this for a while - but like the others have said please please get some good (even if it seems too expensive) legal advice.

I did and it really does not mean the end but it will give you a feeling of control. (it was the best money i spent).

I would not be too hasty in getting the divorce sorted but you do need to get finances and acess sorted but make sure your solicitor does it on your terms (within the law of course).

Good luck with it all.

I?m disturbed by the racist tone of some of these posts, which use ?Chinese? as if it is a term of abuse in itself. What difference does it make to this case if the OW happens to be Chinese?

Yes, see a specialist solicitor and file a divorce action NOW...the minute you do this ALL assets become joint and subject to the courts/legal system and he cannot sell or mortgage ANYTHING (even something solely in his name) without informing and seeking permission from the other party (i.e. you).
Don't get an internet divorce...these favour the vicious and sly (i.e. your not-so-D H).
Get it all face to face with good legal representation.
And do divorce on adultery grounds...you get more that way.
you would be entitled to legal aid as the injured party here.