Split with DH recently. Help!

[CarterOL]

Hi I was hoping for some sound advice?

I split with DH of 8 years 11 days ango and I’m not sure if I made the right decision. It is driving me crazy and I can’t stop crying when I’m alone.

We have been having difficulty for a year. He was diagnosed with a health condition due to an accident at work which really made him low, put on weight and the like. His mother had died a 3 years ago which he ever got over. He would get depressed easy and had a terrible outlook on life. Sometimes he would be happy, other times sad.

I myself have recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and have been finding my love of life has vanished. I’ve lost all sex drive, and stopped being overly sexual with him. It’s very hard when I’m in constant pain. He tried his best to be understanding but I knew I was letting him down.

So naturally for the last year or so we bickered. We had big fights, small fights. Never violence, he never once hurt me nor I him.

11 days ago we had another fight. He said something stupid, I got sad. He snapped, I snapped. He left the house to calm down and then when he came back tried to apologise. Now my sister had come to see me randomly and was there. She told me to get rid of him because he was making me unhappy.

DH came home. I told him it was over. He got his things and I let him leave. He messaged me a lot at first that he loved me, he was sorry, he wanted to try talking and coming back but I didn’t let him. I ignored his cries and let him sleep on the street in the rain. It got to a point he wanted to kill himself but made no actual attempt.

He has been living rough for nearly the entire time, but I haven’t let him back into the home despite. We have a mortgage together and he could come asking but as yet he has not. He is trying to protect DD but has stopped paying some bills.

I’m scared I made the wrong decision. Because I was unhappy with how he made me feel but I never sat down and discussed this with him. People keep saying either if you are not happy it’s right but also he was a good man and I never just talked to him about thing. We just bickered over small thing that would escalate into bigger fights.

I know he would take me back but I let him sleep outside. Could it ever be normal between us? My family keep telling me to be alone and I don’t want to go against them.

But he is the father to my DD and I miss him so.

What should I do?

Lana Carter is your name?

I think MN has given OP enough benefit of the doubt now and should consider closing this thread.

“Have you done the bare minimum and even reported him as a missing person?

I’ll take that as a no as youve not answered! Op you are something else.

that is not what I said, and now you are twisting things.

I may have told him to leave, yes. But… he is the one that decided to go. It’s not my fault.

It is exactly what you think though, you've said it over and over

Trying to prevent him from getting his legal share of marital assets is financial abuse.

@CarterOL but he's not abusive or violent is he? So you are parentally alienating your child from her father. The courts will not look kindly on that.
You are inflicting pain on her. Not your DH..you. Speak to her school ASAP, if you haven't done so already, she will need support in place.

Are MNHQ ever able to do anything about these sorts of threads? Like contact the relevant authorities etc?

OP sounds like a total melt, surrounded by absolute melts.

Shouting at someone - worst sin ever
Making an unwell man homeless and blocking him from accessing his work, medication and child - totally ok. Solicitor says it’s fine

Didn’t see it as abuse. Which implies you do now. But are continuing the actions you are doing?

Or are you going to let him see his child? Have you accepted that as you are married he will have an entitlement to share the assets? That he has a right to be in his own home?

Overbearing family, extreme naivety and stilted, pedantic english. A different cultural approach could explain, maybe even excuse, a lot of the OP's posts. But this is not the case as she is 'white British'. Or...

i have made contact. And I am trying. But so far as you said he does not want to know. And I can not be upset.

Can we all have a pound for each time it says "I'm trying"?

Had OP confirmed yay or nay to whether she's reported DH missing to the police?

I agree. You’ve both let things go too far and had a shock. You’re trying to do your best for DD, but I think the best way forwards will be talking things over, probably with professional help from a counsellor.

Best of luck, OP. I think you both mean well but are overwhelmed at present by your problems.

I talked to him earlier, I didn’t think I still needed to contact the police.

@CarterOL you’ve spoken to him? How is he?

Oh FFS.

I'm glad he doesn't want to know, that's honestly what you get for treating him so terribly. So you and your family can be happy now that he's got rid of you. I wish him all the best I hope he absolutely thrives being away from you and your toxic family

@CarterOL I really really really really really really REALLY think you're making this up as you go along.....

You're a horrible person, OP. Seriously.

Whether you're telling the truth or not, you are close to sociopathic levels of callousness, selfishness, and self-pity.

If you realise and accept this, you could start making positive changes to try and become a better person. Step one would be finding your husband and helping him. Or, if all this is a bunch of lies, then just admit it and stop posting.

They both let things go to far? WTF. She escalated some arguments into making the man homeless and is planning to demonise him, keep him from his child and take all their assets. Like we don't blame women when their partner is abusive we shouldn't blame men. If he wasn't entirely crushed he would have just said no to her telling him to get out. Its telling that he didn't feel strong enough to fight her. You only don't fight completely fucked horrible behaviour in your relationship when they've broken you and you have nothing left.

No he's not violent, which she's said herself, but she decided to tell everyone he might get violent and he might be unsafe around their DD, even though he's never been violent including when he got kicked out of his home.

@Ofcourseshecan are you ok? Have you read this entire thread

This thread has been horrible to read.

I was speaking to my friend earlier tonight whose ex won't let him see his child. Her and her nasty family have made things very difficult and he's on the verge of giving up. I thought of this thread.

You and your family are nasty pieces of work

End off