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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband has planned a secret meeting/ walk with an unknown woman.

230 replies

NC1258 · 01/06/2024 16:11

Have name changed for this, and please be kind, I feel all over the place.

Found out from DH's PC that he's planning on meeting another woman at a private, secluded venue for a chat and a walk. He's already told me he's doing something totally different at their agreed day/time - so lying already.

This has happened before with the same woman in the past. Previoulsy, I had expressed my concerns when I had again found out by pure chance after overhearing an hour long intense chat - the kind of raw converstaion you'd have with your best friend or partner, not some random person who means nothing to you.

I said I didn't feel a man and a woman could just be friends, especially as neither the other woman or my husband wish us to meet. Further, the conversation which I overheard although not romantic was not one you'd have with a standard friend or aqaintance and already I felt marriage boundaries were being if not crossed venturing into vulnerable waters.

Do any of your husbands have such female confidant type friends that they want to meet up with for secluded walks and chats that you don't have any contact with yourself? I'm not sure if I'm overreacting.

(And yes I know I shouldn't have looked at his PC, but he's been behaving very odd the last few weeks and the screen was open with her name near the top - meaning recent converstaion).

OP posts:
Steakandwine · 03/06/2024 16:00

Trainsplanesautomobiles · 03/06/2024 12:52

Affairs dont always involve sex so I'm sorry but this is a post I disagree with entirely. If you have a strong emotional bond outside of marriage with the opposite sex it's as good as an affair under the friendship umbrella. I trust my DH 100 %. He works with some stunning females and occasional drinks after work in a large group is no problem. If he developed a special friendship with one female who eg played golf, would I care. I can guarantee I definitely would care, it just wouldn't happen.

I'm with you on this.

lincsherts · 03/06/2024 16:46

Minfilia · 02/06/2024 17:46

I have a male friend who I know has lied to his wife in the past about meeting up with me (alone, he doesn’t lie when it’s a group thing afaik)

She is quite jealous though so he probably does it for an easier life. Nothing has happened between us, we are just friends, and I’m in a relationship myself, so I find it rather odd. Not my circus or monkeys though.

Awful. I wouldn't want a friend who lied to his wife in this way.

Trainsplanesautomobiles · 03/06/2024 17:19

lincsherts · 03/06/2024 16:46

Awful. I wouldn't want a friend who lied to his wife in this way.

The day I caught my DH lying to me about meeting a female 'friend' is the day my marriage would be over. Thankfully it has never happened and never would. Hats off to all those married people who happily cavort around with a 'bestie' of the opposite sex and the respective wives/husbands are happy with the situation. I'm sure you are a minority group though.

HateWorkingFulltime · 03/06/2024 20:03

*I have a male friend who I know has lied to his wife in the past about meeting up with me (alone, he doesn’t lie when it’s a group thing afaik)

She is quite jealous though so he probably does it for an easier life.*

If he’s sneaking around behind his wife’s back then perhaps her gut is telling her he’s a liar and she has good reason to react in this way.

blahblahblahhhhh · 23/07/2024 10:01

How are you OP? @NC1258 I hope you got to the bottom of things x

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