He said he still wanted to make it work with me but was probably just staying for the kids and he was worried that he’d hurt me worse down the line, that it’d be better for me if we separated. What a load of..
Oh @Allthegoodonesareg0ne, I am so sorry that he has twisted the knife and brutalized you again. Jerking you (and the children) around like this is unforgivable. And shifting the blame by claiming his abandonment is best for you — what an absolute Rat. You’re right … he and OW are undoubtedly back together. [I hope you will inform her H, as he deserves to know.]
I admit that I was holding my breath because of his red flags that suggested lack of true remorse: not ceasing the affair on his own; no initial apology or groveling; your feeling of having to convince him; and his prioritizing OW by keeping their messages hidden from you after discovery. A man truly committed to restoring trust and helping his spouse heal would provide full transparency.
What’s clear is that he is the ‘enormous failure’ — a shitty husband and father who lacks integrity. He is weak boundaried, entitled, and massively
self-serving. Monogamy and loyalty are low value to him. From your update, it does sound like his infidelity has been long-term.
@Allthegoodonesareg0ne, I admire your being proactive by contacting a solicitor and notifying the school. I suggest moving all contact to email when possible. His presence is toxic and he is no longer your friend, so, for the sake of your emotional health, a healthy distance is necessary.
He is going to have to face the consequences of his treachery and he’s not going to like it. He will almost certainly attempt to slither back in for more ego supply, but please don’t fall for that manipulation. Stay strong and continue moving forward. Consider IC to help you process your feelings as you go through the grieving process. 