Husband having emotional affair

[Allthegoodonesareg0ne]

My husband has been quite cold with me for a few weeks. I pushed him on it and he said he has feelings for someone else. He promised nothing has physically happened, but the feeling is mutual and her husband is also aware.
What on earth do I do here?
I'm grateful he's told me, the honesty matters.
He says he's not sure if he Still loves me or if he loves here but they are talking regularly (she is in his home country, but they work together remotely and occasionally in person, we live together in the uk)
We have two children together, I don't work.
I want to throw all of my toys out of the pram in the emotion of it all but I want to move forward with him.if I can.
What do I do here? My heart is broken.

He won't show me. He won't talk to me about or show me the content of any of their conversations. He said its all on him and he doesn't want to share that.
I said the other woman knows my name, knows details about our marriage and my children and yet it took him hours of nagging to just tell me her name

@Allthegoodonesareg0ne his reaction tells you everything you need to know. He’s very cruel and he is also a liar.

Every single thing he's said to you is a deal breaker.

I don't think he cares tbh. I'm wondering right now If he was just hoping I'd end it so he wouldn't have to

He doesn't care about the family, though. He's off in make-believe land with another woman and being vague about which one of you he loves. He's an arsehole in it for his ego.

Please be practical.

If he's declaring his love to someone else then he's already checked out of your relationship.

You call it moving forward to get over him cheating but he will have a deep resentment at your being in the way of being with her.

You will always have suspicions that they have contacted each other again and will become jealous and accusatory.

He has been completely dishonest and has no loyalty towards you.

He could have felt fed up in his marriage and home life and sat down with you and discussed ways to improve the relationship and rekindle past happiness but instead he chose to be deceptive and sly and chat up another woman.

Only misery and heartache lies ahead if you stay with him.

This really should tell you everything. I'm sorry. What a cliche he is.

If he wants your marriage to work, you need to tell him he needs total transparency. Not necessarily all the stuff in the part, but from the ‘break up ‘ text going forward. If he can/won’t show you, then how do you know he’s telling the truth.

He's in love with her. Why on earth would you want to stay with a man who is in love with someone else? And you're not destroying the family - HE is.

If you stay, he'll respect you even less than he already does.

This happened to me and I spent a lotof time on cheaters forums. They all say the same shit and many of them have pretend break ups via text to appease their spouse then just move to a different app to communicate. Like eBay for instance. Many of them despise their spouses and if they are forgiven, they resent it.

Your husband says he loves someone else. You need to let him go. Asking him to stop communicating with her is running head first into a fake reconciliation, and if you think the first bombshell is bad, you wont want the second. It’s not unusual for them to become abusive. After all they feel you are preventing them being with the person they love.

Let him go op. Send him to stay somewhere else and when things have calmed down a bit you can talk about finances.

I'm grateful he's told me, the honesty matters.

Jesus, woman. No! You’re grateful that he is telling you his dick is wandering? Find your self respect. A decent adult would do what’s right for his partner and children, and lamenting that he fancies other other people is NOT that.

Horrid man. Find your anger

What exactly has he ended with her? If it was an emotional affair and they had both acknowledged this has he seriously just ended it BY TEXT?! If so what an absolute shit of a man he is. He was so in love he was prepared to chuck away his marriage and family but he was able to end it in a text.

The only way this disrespectful man will give two shits about anyone but himself in this situation is if you tell him to leave. Let him reap what he has sown. Make his affair public and make him work to achieve either a renewed marriage or an amicable separation, with your DCs needs being upmost, but also ensuring you get what you need to move on either way.

You can’t continue in a marriage without trust. He only told you because he was scared someone else might, and even now is being cagey about the details. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. Check out Chump Lady and the Pick Me Dance. Don’t do it. It doesn’t work.

Ditch him

He sounds like a stupid, emotionally immature and naive man who lives in a fantasy world.

You are essentially his mother and he's a teenage boy.

But I get that he's the father of your kids and stability can be better than instability.

And women all over the world are having to make a tough decision tonight to make the best of things and put their own needs aside for the kids 💐

This is not the beginning of the end of the affair. Its not even the end of the beginning. He has already accepted, in his mind, ending it with you and his children. Whether he goes to her or not he prefers life without his family.

Cos he’s her husband and they have children together..? He’s not her 22 year old boyfriend without children. 🤷‍♀️

Expect that he'll go all 'victim' now...

"I'm such a terrible person"
"How could I done this to you"
"I don't deserve you"
"I don't know what you see in me"

Him and his poor feelings.

Then you'll end up reassuring him.

Thank you. All I'm still reading..I'm just sitting here processing

@Allthegoodonesareg0ne tell us how we can best help you … think really it’s going yo be a case of it all sinking in. Any change in how he is being with you?

Get yourself over to the website survivinginfidelity . Likelihood is they have been physical... Its extremely rare for a man to declare he's in love with OW without so much as kissing her.

I'd honestly recommend an std test aswell. You can believe a thing coming out of his mouth.

I'm so sorry. I hope you find your anger he doesn't deserve you.

You should be able to trust someone when your lives are enterwined to that level.

Without trust it's a sham.

I agree. And trying to be pragmatic about it, I think there is a good chance during a long marriage of some form or infidelity. I feel like in the long run, if we can salvage anything, his honesty gains us more trust? Or I am just being ridiculous? Right now I don't really know what's up and down to be honest

If you stay with him you will be forever playing the 'pick me' game. It's a horrible way to live.

I know at this moment you just desperately want every to stay as it is and it must be so horrible for you.

But the fact that he has been forced to tell you means that very likely they are having a full blown affair.

I don't think I could get past being disrespected so badly. Might as well just go and get a doormat and tape it to your head.

He'll just contact her secretly and let you carry on holding things together at home.