Handhold because DH hates my birthday present (trip to cornwall)

[Miserableinpenzance]

Dh is a difficult person to buy presents for which is why I am currently sitting in a sleeper train to penzance in tears. He said its the worst present ever for a light sleeper like him and he also threw a massive strope last night cos he said the concept of sleeper train was filthy cos he couldn't shower in the train (first class lounge paddington had showers which he did eventually use)

It was his birthday present as he loves travel so i thought would be a good present (He books us holidays on a monthly basis). It turns out he hates sleeper trains (he had only been once before but that was during covid and on the Caledonian which was being quite badly run at the time so I thought it was a one off that he didn't like it). We live in London and Cornwall takes many hours (and we usually don't take leave for our holidays which are usually weekend breaks where we leave on friday and come back on sunday) plus the Premier inn next to penzance Station was totally booked out so sleeper train made sense.

We always had many weekend breaks (once a month) rather than big holidays (with the exception of visiting family)because there was once a bad experience where dh was switching job and we had to cancel flights and hotels (no refund on the flights) because they wanted him to start early. So if either of us anticipates leaving a job then we book weekend breaks that don't need any leave.

I feel really underappreciated cos he made out like this whole holiday is for my benefit rather than his. I don't think that is true at all, the sleeper train was the way of getting there that seemed to make time and money sense at that time (and I wanted to keep costs low as we are going away quite a bit and i thought he would appreciate the prudence) and also it was quite logistically hard to book due to the nightmare gwr website. I wanted to book something he usually wouldn't book so he could see something he wouldn't actually see.

We were actually ttc but honestly he has made me cry so much in the last 24 hours over his 'gift' that I am not sure I want it

In that case, he REALLY was making a fuss out of nothing.
He said he’d like that. You got him the shower before travelling and … he still was unhappy….

im wondering @Miserableinpenzance apart from being a miserable twat when leaving and making you cry, did he actually say why?
Because the shower for example could easily have been answered with ‘but you said you’d love a shower at station/airport before travelling. Why is it an issue now?’
(even though a shower in the am at an airport or train station leaves me
puzzled. Surely you just have at home/hotel instead?)

The towel was a crap answer.
The bed size you had taken into account.

The only thing is potentially the noise. But a night sleeper is very different from normal trains. They go slower, stop often and are nowhere near as noisy as normal trains.
Im wondering how he is faring today and if his night has been as bad as he said it would be (I’d have expected him to be tired and cranky if that was the case but he isn’t?)

@DullFanFiction Today, he has had icecream and coffee so he has been mollified!😂

Once Dh got me a really ugly necklace. To this day, he doesnt know I hate it. I wear it sometimes. I just gently steered him in the direction of experiences, which he is much better at, and I prefer.

He sounds really childish. Even if he hated the idea he should have said thank you for a lovely birthday gift. And kept any negative thoughts to himself. Next year, as someone has already said, buy him a sock multipack. I spent a number of years buying lovely and they were lovely birthday gifts for DP all if which were met with a thank you but no great enthusiasm so I decided to spend the money on myself and yes, reverted to either a sock multi pack or packs of teeshirts offs Amazon. Which he seems to love.

@Barney16 As long as you are happy to receive a pair of leggings that's absolutely fine 🙂

I'm another person not sure why so many people (Including OP) are falling over themselves to defend this sulky man child.
Okay, perhaps there are elements of it that aren't perfect. But the majority of the trip is exactly what OP knew he would like. Even if there were parts he wasn't that keen on, surely any normal adult would just say 'Oh, I'm not a fan of sleeper trains, please don't book one again, but seeing as its booked now lets just make the most of it and see it as an adventure.'

He's a grown man. Baring medical issues there's no reason why having ONE night of imperfect sleep and going slightly over 24 hours (presuming shower friday morning before work then once they checked into the hotel around lunchtime saturday) would kill him. And he knew about it beforehand so he could have looked up whether he could shower in the station, which he did.

There is no reason for a grown man to 'throw a massive strop' or sulk for hours about these tiny inconveniences. As pps have said, there will be far more sleepless nights and holidays that aren't entirely catered around his every single whim if you have a child - do you really want to be the sole adult looking after multiple whiny kids? (one of whom is at least physically a grown man).

So :

• he's really tightly wedded to his sleep
• he wants you to be miserable because he is miserable
• he likes to be in control of every break
• something went wrong once so now he won't go on holiday
• missing a shower is "filthy"
• he can't adapt to the presence of a wet towel

I really don't think he's going to enjoy being a Dad. It's all about adapting to chaos and putting others before yourself. I think you are right to think twice about this. How would you feel if he treated your children how he's treatnig you?

I just tell him what to buy me and he does. If I ask him what he would like he says oh don't get me anything. I may go with that actually...

@Barney16 You should get him nothing...and the best present you can give him is to not expect anything from him.

After a certain age (teens) there's really no need to be buying people birthday gifts. You're an adult buy what you want/need yourself.

We are strong independent women aren't we? So why do we continue to rely on the patriarchy?

Have RTFT. OP not interested in being told her husband is an arse/rude/selfish, nor in answering any questions about what she likes, and if they ever do those things. She just keeps posting irrelevant stuff about how happy he now is and how nice it is where they are, blah blah. Weird thread.

Next time don’t bother as he clearly doesn’t appreciate the time and effort you went through

My arsehole ex husband once threw a hissy fit at the presents I got him, we were at the shopping centre exchanging them and I was buying myself a coffee so got him one

He was clenching his jaw asking why I got him one! I was forced to drink both coffees because he was refusing to drink it

Don't have a baby with a man who doesn’t treat you with respect xx

I think he’s being very unkind. Part of being in an adult relationship is considering your partners feelings. He should’ve just sucked it up

@Rosesanddaffs What effort? Sounds like she planned it for herself around what she would enjoy.

How on Earth can you be married to someone and not know they like a shower first thing? Especially given how the previous trip went.

She sounds very selfish to me. She arranged what she would enjoy for his birthday gift.

It is akin to men who buy their partners lingerie and try to pass it off as though it's for the recipient - yeh, pull the other one.

OMG it sounds fantastic!

I love train travel & Cornwall.

Win win!

Looked into the Orient Express & no showers there unless you book a modern coach!

Authentic is a small washbasin & bunks!

Well that's all about me!

He handled it really badly.

A trip to Cornwall for a bday present though!

Is the sleeper train to Penzance that bad? I've been think about going this summer.

@diddl You're not him though. And he isn't you.

Just because you like it doesn't mean everyone else does.

Man, seriously dude. The way you're posting today screams proper unhappy. It's almost palpable in all of your posts. I hope your weekend gets better.

You already have a child OP. I'd really deeply reconsider a baby.

@diddlYou're not him though. And he isn't you.

As I acknowledged.

Just because you like it doesn't mean everyone else does.

But he does like Cornwall as Op knew!

Its the poor children dragged into shit show relationships like this that I feel most sorry for.
Yet women continue to insist on breeding with such utter abusive arseholes.

Kindly don't misgender me. I'm not a dude.

And taking a balance view makes me an infinitely better human being than you'll ever be 🙂

Yet another thread that (not that I need it) reminds me why I'm single at heart. If I was forced to be shackled to someone, it could never be with someone so high maintenance.

I call everyone dude.

Love peace and light on your day hinny. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Trying to see things from a man's perspective makes me angry?

Your attempt at shaming me into silence is pathetic.

Yes, he’s had his ice cream and he’s happy now. If he’s happy then OP can be happy too. Happy days.

This thread is weird! The OP refuses to respond to any comments about the bigger picture. Now DH has got over his strop she's so relieved and grateful ....stick your fingers in your ears and say la la la loudly! He needs a kick up the arse.