Handhold because DH hates my birthday present (trip to cornwall)

[Miserableinpenzance]

Dh is a difficult person to buy presents for which is why I am currently sitting in a sleeper train to penzance in tears. He said its the worst present ever for a light sleeper like him and he also threw a massive strope last night cos he said the concept of sleeper train was filthy cos he couldn't shower in the train (first class lounge paddington had showers which he did eventually use)

It was his birthday present as he loves travel so i thought would be a good present (He books us holidays on a monthly basis). It turns out he hates sleeper trains (he had only been once before but that was during covid and on the Caledonian which was being quite badly run at the time so I thought it was a one off that he didn't like it). We live in London and Cornwall takes many hours (and we usually don't take leave for our holidays which are usually weekend breaks where we leave on friday and come back on sunday) plus the Premier inn next to penzance Station was totally booked out so sleeper train made sense.

We always had many weekend breaks (once a month) rather than big holidays (with the exception of visiting family)because there was once a bad experience where dh was switching job and we had to cancel flights and hotels (no refund on the flights) because they wanted him to start early. So if either of us anticipates leaving a job then we book weekend breaks that don't need any leave.

I feel really underappreciated cos he made out like this whole holiday is for my benefit rather than his. I don't think that is true at all, the sleeper train was the way of getting there that seemed to make time and money sense at that time (and I wanted to keep costs low as we are going away quite a bit and i thought he would appreciate the prudence) and also it was quite logistically hard to book due to the nightmare gwr website. I wanted to book something he usually wouldn't book so he could see something he wouldn't actually see.

We were actually ttc but honestly he has made me cry so much in the last 24 hours over his 'gift' that I am not sure I want it

Good grief, that's a hell of a walk at any age.

I walked from Eastbourne to Seaford in my early 40s, and it damn near killed me. I nearly cried when we got to Cuckmere Haven and still had the climb up Seaford Head to go. I was so knackered, we had to get a taxi from Seaford golf club to the station, I couldn't walk another step, let alone that last mile.

Ungrateful arse only thing I would be giving him as a early present now is his bags packed and thrown out the door

It’s not a present I would be over the moon with but I also will not reject my spouse to the extent she is crying. It’s a freaking weekend he can suck it up and go along with it. And he can tell her later you know next time I would prefer x x or yy is not really my cup of tea. There are mature ways to have the conversation.

And yes i wouldn’t be making any effort going forward. If he wants something specific he can tell me but I wouldn’t be playing any guessing games anymore.

Love the underpants idea btw lol, beg home a pair from primark lol

I’m not sure what the point of your post is? Why did he make you cry - what do you want from this thread?

He sounded a bit ungrateful to start with but now he's cheered up? That's good, maybe he was out of his comfort zone.
I love the sleeper, but agree it's a bit of nightmare to book on the GWR website. You arrived this morning in my hometown, it was Pride here today so guessing hotels were busy and the prices were inflated because of that. Although that Premier Inn is always pricey! You've been to the Minack, where else are you headed to?

I'm sorry he was such an arse about your gift. It seems very thoughtful. He's allowed not to like it but he can still be gracious about it.

OP a CORE part of parenting is sucking it up and putting on a good front when you are tired/grouchy/annoyed/put out.
It's SO rude to be like this and doesn't show any love or care towards you at all. At a time when you are meant to be most in love, too, trying to have a baby, this is how he behaves towards you when you make an error (in his eyes)

I agree. What a nasty bastard. DH has sometimes bought me presents that have missed the mark, and vice versa. But an adult would appreciate the gesture and that you'd put some thought into it, not make you cry. It is incredibly ungrateful and rude.

He sounds inflexible and boorish. He'd make an absolutely shit dad. My friend had a baby with an ungrateful, miserable man too and is regretting her choice of father for her child.

I just can't imagine DH ever acting so poorly that he made me cry being rude about a present I'd bought for him, even if he didn't love it. It's not normal, it's rude and controlling.

You can tell from the tone of your posts though that you won't listen to the posters warning you about these red flags.

After minack we went to lands end and then st ives and ending it with dinner at mousehole!

Wow, you have got around well today then. Love Mousehole, used to live there for a short while and my Dad was born there.
I was going to suggest St Ives lol

If you are staying back in Penzance, the promenade is nice for a walk later on too.

They are trying for a baby as per original post.

Which does make a difference. Because you can't have a shower when you want sometimes with a baby, toddler or two.

Plus he could have had a shower but didn't want to carry a wet towel around

Plus he could have had a bit more grace about being disappointed

So yes he is a knob.

What a shame because Cornwall is a fab place and the weather this weekend is great. Having said that my son and partner used the night train just for the experience - partner loved it but son hated it. Cheap flights from Stanstead and Gatwick to Newquay are another option in future.

This would absolutely be my dream birthday present, and how lovely of you to arrange it for him. He sounds like a pia to be honest.

Sleeper trains are great. Did Prague to Budapest last Thursday. Take me next time. I'd appreciate it😁

OP, the specific issue aside, I get the impression that everything is fine for you when he is happy, and unpleasant for you when he is not. Would you say that is a fair assessment?

Take him on the Belgarde to Barr sleeper. Now that really is absolutely filthy. We weren't brave enough to take any outer clothing off and by the end of the night the one shared toilet was a serious health hazard. But the scenery across Montenegro is stunning and it cost 40 Euro each😂

So glad things improved OP!

OP, I would absolutely love it if my DP booked me a last minute sleeper train to Cornwall for the weekend! What a lovely break. Even if you don’t sleep well on a train you can enjoy being off on an adventure, it’s something different, and you can commiserate over bad sleep and/or catch up when you get there. You’re on holiday!

My DH used to be a real whinger on holiday, take it from me, he will not get better, you will just stop doing things you enjoy or are novel or adventurous and just stick to things you know won’t make him whinge. That’s no way to live. (Then when/if you have kids it doesn’t matter, because you never get to go on romantic weekend breaks anyway.)

The prison cell rooms at the grand are something else😂

Then why make such a silly comment? It's not about you...

I could be wildly off the mark here but is this a cultural thing? Where men are men and pandered too at every whim? Are you both from the same background?

My mother still tries to buy my Dad thoughtful presents. He feels uncomfortable and she feels upset. I always tell her to buy him a bottle of wine that he likes and they will both be happy. It is so obvious from the outside that he just can’t really deal with gifts and hates surprises. It just isn’t worth it.

Sorry this isn't really the point of your thread but having a baby with a man who has a strop because he won't get a good night's sleep, and might have to carry around a wet towel, is a bad idea. Anywhere you go with a baby inevitably involves coming home with wet clothes or muslin cloths or something in a bag. And sleep can be very disrupted. So if he wants ttc he needs to man up regarding a bit of discomfort.

Haven’t read the full thread. Anyone suggested autism yet? Inflexibility in routines, hating surprises, complete lack of empathy.

Regardless, this man will react GREAT to life with a baby. Please do conceive asap. Make sure you’re not married, you quit your job, and if you buy a house you’re not on the deeds.

@Miserableinpenzance Kindly, no one cares about the ice creams, the views, the 'tour of Cornwall'.

You seem to have issues engaging with the meaningful questions and comments.

Like your compatibility.

You seem to be deflecting all the time and not willing to answer some questions.

Like- are you from the same culture?
Was this an arranged marriage?
Why are you so eager to please this man and putting up with his behaviour?

(And ignoring the REAL issues in your marriage?)